GREEN ROOF

A roof that grows grasses
All others surpasses.
I'm sure that it will
Reduce your energy bill.
That's a test it passes.

A green roof will do you no wrong
And will last near twice as long.
It's a thrill to grow legumes
Above all your bedrooms,
And it's not done be a throng.

It's a fine thing that you do
When you convert C-oh-two.
If the weight is too much for your home,
You can grow roof plants in foam.
Reduced runoff is a benefit too.

POLAR PLUNGES

Hardy fund-raising gals and guys
Have put polar plunging on the rise.
These crazy folks abound,
But can enough of them be found
For this growing enterprise?

THERMOTEX HEATING PADS

When they pitch heat pad Thermotex,
They tout its infrared effects.
Should I be suspicious?
Or is it right auspicious
That heat it deep down directs?

Unlike other heat pads known,
It sends heat down to the bone.
Praises it receives galore.
You can't buy it at a store,
But its supplier you can phone.

T. Z. ROBERTS' CLOCK

This amazing work of art
Is a moving solar chart
Which keeps you right in tune
With the phases of the moon
If that warms your heart.

This amazing old clock
Continues to tick and tock.
Thomas Roberts you can thank.
You can see it at the bank.
There's only one in stock.

A farmer of many skills
From Kentucky's rolling hills,
Musician, schoolmaster, carpenter,
Astronomer, painter, poet, inventor,
Roberts found ways to pay his bills.

DRUG TESTING

When the issue is contested,
We've the right to not be tested.
So if the subjects are rebelling,
Unless the reason is compelling,
It should not be suggested.

MARRIED TOO LONG

We've been married way too long.
Once our love was strong.
We're so different from each other
That it seems a lot of bother
To try to get along.

We've been married way too long.
We wonder what went wrong.
Too much we don't expect.
With patience and respect,
We sort of get along.

Divorce would be so wrong.
We couldn't sing that song.
Sad would be the news
If our marriage we should lose.
We've been married so very long.

MLB'S BATS

Maple is prone to smash
When balls with it they bash.
So suppliers they attempt to train
To pay attention to its grain
When they could go back to ash.

PASSIVE HOUSE

PASSIVE HOUSE; MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL'S BATS

PASSIVE HOUSE

As around the house I sat,
I absorbed this news from Darmstadt.
Almost no heat passes
From a house that's passive,
And I'm impressed by that.

Air-tight with super insulation,
This house is a German innovation.
Its doors are special indeed.
For a furnace it has no need.
A heat exchanger is in its ventilation.

This house that's so amazing
Needs south windows facing.
This house that's called passive
Shouldn't sprawl or be too massive
And needs a special window casing.

Its construction is not too costly
Over there in Germany.
About its heat don't be stumped.
Its little heat is pumped.
It's as green as it can be.

MARSHMALLOW TEST

If you can early pass this test,
Your future will be blessed.
If gratification you can delay,
Success will be yours, they say.
You'll be among the best.

How does this test work?
Where does failure lurk?
Why is failure such a hex?
The anterior prefrontal cortex
Is where the successful perk.

SHOPLIFTING DOG

He wasn't after meat
Nor escaping summer's heat.
He came in to steal
A bone for his meal
And took it to the steet.

How did that dog know
Exactly where to go?
He'd not been in the store
A hundred times before,
But he wasn't slow.

CIVET CAT

If some day you meet a Civet,
Do you think you will survive it?
A Civet is not a cat,
And I will bet you that
You will easily outlive it.

EXOTIC SHORTHAIR CAT

If a Persian were sopping wet,
'Twould look like this, you can bet.
This Teddy-bear-like version
(Short-haired cousin of the Persian),
Is a flat-faced, gentle pet.

COAL ASH

How hazardous really is it
When fly ash comes to visit?
What should be the drill
When there is a spill?
Should the risk be more explicit?

Healthful stuff this is not.
Heavy metals it has got.
It has some arsenic.
That could make you sick,
And away it doesn't rot.

YORK CHOCOLATE CAT

Contented as a lap cat,
Is the friendly York Chocolate.
Its coat is long, fine and fluffy.
Its tail is large and fluffy.
Add smarts and energy to that.

VAN CAT

Except for marks on tails and ears,
White is how this beauty appears.
Playful cats that love to swim
And be with their owner all the time,
Turkish Vans are loving dears.

ZIBELINE CAT

In color it's like the sable.
Burmese is its other label.
Dark brown and attractive,
This cat is smart and active,
Curious, alert and able.

QUEEN CAT

The Queen is not a breed,
But for her there is a need.
The Queen cat is the mom.
The daddy is the Tom.
On that you're up to speed.

DETROIT

I'm so glad I'm no Detroiter.
I shan't go there to reconnoiter.
If, having to pass on through,
I should have to use the loo,
I surely wouldn't loiter.

Troubles, they have got 'em.
Everywhere they spot 'em.
If not in all creation,
Then surely in the nation,
Detroit ranks at the bottom.

Crime and unemployment
Stifle all enjoyment.
Problems are the city's fame.
Its team loses every game,
Crowning their annoyment.

When a crook is out on bail,
He can't get a drink of ale.
In prison he has got
Three hots and a cot.
So he'd rather be in jail.

LANDS END

An amazing thing this is.
It would be for any biz.
December sales at Lands End
Buck the economic trend.
Someone there must be a whiz!

STEM-CELL BREAKTHROUGH

In a lab dish, if you please,
They replicated a dread disease.
This breakthrough, I must tell,
Was with IPS stem cells.
Skin-derived cells are these.

RON ACE

His patent in the making
Is a colossal undertaking.
It's aimed at global warming.
How would it be performing?
No bets on it I'm making.

Is there lots of wisdom
In this refrigeration system
That shoots water in the air,
Half an inch worth everywhere,
Conceived high is his dome?

To mention, I should not neglect
That there are those who suspect
That, in spite of best intention,
This incredible invention
Could have the reverse effect.

WINTER SOLSTICE

It's something to think on
That the solstice has come and gone.
And I'm here to report
The day was duly short
Though it 'most 'scaped my attention.

THE HOLIDAY URGE SURGE

'Tis the season of the Nativity
And the surge in sexual activity
And, as never fails,
Trojan condom sales
Supporting this proclivity.

And statisticians remember
That at the end of December
There is in this connection
A spike in conceptions
And of births in September.

It's due to leisure and resolutions,
Alcohol, partying, and irresolution.
Like a festival of fertility
Related to pleasure and sociability,
It's almost a Christian institution.

CONSPIRACY

Genson says Rod will walk,
The government's case is merely talk --
A defense that's not worth a dime,
For talk can be a crime.
But will the jury balk?

MADISON'S BARS

If you don't control a bar,
It may be where troubles are.
It's a problem Madison knows,
And I would not suppose
All of them are five-star.

REV. HEGEDUSICH

I guess the Spirit moved him,
For he knew it behooved him
To chase in his vestments
A thief of church investments.
But the crook outhoofed him.

It helped the thief to run
That half the loot he jettisoned.
So, on the Lord's behalf,
The priest recovered half
On a street in Washington.

JUDGE "QUICK NICK"

He did it single-handed.
Speed the task demanded.
The judge ran down the crook,
To subdue him undertook,
And ended up sore-handed.

BETA

For Beta folks are mourning.
A pretty face was her adorning.
She'd had her share of scrapes
And was protected from other apes.
Her illness provided warning.

Surgery being no answer,
Beta died with uterine cancer.
She had two replacement hips,
Took her food in little sips,
And no longer was a dancer.

COED COLLEGE DORMS

To other norms I was conforming
Back when my norms were forming.
I know that in my student day
I thought I'd never see the day
Of college coed dorming.

But how was I to know?
That was fifty years ago!
Liberal is my alma mater.
I guess they've gotten smarter
Since "shacking up" was a no no.

To imagine can you begin
The times that I schooled in
When deans would not permit
And would have had a fit
Had students "lived in sin?!"

PANTHER

A panther you may see at large.
A powerful cat it is and large.
It can be a leopard or a jaguar.
A panther can even be a cougar
Living in a marsh.

A panther has the knack
To silently attack.
They're hiding near and far.
Although many of them are,
Not all of them are black.

CATS W, X, Y, AND Z

W WILDCAT (WILD)

The Old World Wildcat
Is about as big as a house cat.
Though it's small, it's tough.
When it's hungry enough
It likes to dine on rat.

X MANX (DOMESTIC)

There is no X cat.
I'm sorry about that.
But the rule we can bend
With X on the other end.
Let's use the Manx for that.


Y BOMBAY (DOMESTIC)

There is no Y cat.
Can't find one lean or fat.
The rule again let us bend,
Putting Y on the back end,
Using the Bombay for that.


Z Z CAT

There is no Z cat,
I can assure you of that.
It's the same story as Q.
There's nothing I can do
But give up on that.

EXCESS LEVY

In Randolph County things are tough.
School money there's not enough.
And there's no denying
In schools out there lying
Curricula are not up to snuff.

Kids get a good education in Elkins.
Not so, their Tygarts Valley kins.
For officials this is heavy.
Is the passage of a levy
Where their work begins?

Though it does dumbfound,
Recently, the need profound,
I'm sorry to report
The Chamber denied support,
And the levy was voted down.

Their problems it would ameliorate
If they would consolidate.
But, whatever be their reason,
This route is too displeasin'
For them to even contemplate.

CATS R THROUGH V

R RUSSIAN BLUE (DOMESTIC)

This cat has a peculiar hue.
In fact it's almost blue.
And, unlike any cougar,
It's frosted with powdered sugar.
I bet you think so too.

S SERVAL (WILD)

The Serval is medium-sized (no runt).
In the savannas it likes to hunt.
Unique is how this African cat appears --
Long legs and neck, small head, big ears.
It's hind legs are longer than its front.

S SNOW LEOPARD (WILD)

The Snow Leopard is the Ounce,
A name right easy to pronounce.
It's from Siberia, they say,
And on its favorite prey
It's right eager to pounce.

T TIGER (WILD)

The tiger is a mighty cat.
Have no doubt of that.
It surely will amaze ya,
This cat that lives in Asia
(India and places such as that).


U USSURI TIGER (WILD)

The rare Siberian Tiger
Is the Ussuri Tiger.
This tiger of Siberia
Is the tiger of Manchuria,
And it's the Amur Tiger.

V JAVANESE (DOMESTIC)

There is no V cat
That anywhere has sat.
But wait just a minute,
If V need only be in it,
Javanese helps us with that.

SOWELL SAYS

Have you ever wondered why
Some celebs take risks sky-high,
Needlessly playing the game
For little gain, these folks of fame?
Rules to them, they think, do not apply.

Due to favortism to them shown,
Star athletes can to this be prone.
And it can bring them shame
To replace the glory and fame
That they have known.

MESSAGE FROM GOETHE

If we see a person as he is,
Then, he will remain as he is.
But if we see him for what he might be,
That better person he will one day be.
There's truth here. Excuse the simplicity.

CATS L THROUGH Q

L LEOPARD (WILD)

In Africa but hard to spot
Are leopards with their spots.
For wily cats are these
That like to be in trees
And eat their prey ere it rots.

L LION (WILD)

The papa lion is the jungle king.
In Africa he does his thing.
He takes a lot of pride
In his lion pride,
But his lady does the hunting.

Africa is short on kangaroos.
So other meats the lion chews.
There are lions on the savanna.
If there are lions in Montana,
They're only in the zoos.

M MOUNTAIN LION (WILD)

North America's ferocious feline
Is a cougar and a mountain lion.
There also is a rumor
It's a panther and a puma.
About this I'd not be lying.

N NORWEGIAN FOREST CAT (DOMESTIC)

Careful the Wegie is and smart,
And it knows the hunter's art.
A thick and heavy coat
This cat is pleased to tote.
Its sweet expressions warm your heart.


O OCELOT (WILD)

The ocelot is the painted leopard.
With other cats compared,
It is of medium size.
About hunting it is wise
And for it well prepared.

P PERSIAN (DOMESTIC)

If a Persian cat you are knowing,
You know its coat is long and flowing,
Eyes and head are round, nose short and snubby.
With legs right short and body rather chubby,
This cat stays inside when it's snowing.


Q Q CAT

There is no Q cat,
And it's worse than that.
There's no way to skin it,
For no cat has Q in it.
Take my word for that.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH

Following tendencies in him latent,
The governor became too blatant.
He was a master of his craft,
The craft of "honest graft,"
And that to all is patent.

You can tell your kids about it.
There is no doubt about it.
This is behavior rank.
We have the cops to thank,
For we can do without it.

CATS F THROUGH K

F FISHING CAT (WILD)

Now here's an Asian cat
Whose fishing is down pat.
It can catch a fish
For its dainty dish
In just about nothing flat.

H HAVANA BROWN (DOMESTIC)

We can't help but note
Its chocolate brown coat.
With a body right muscular,
This cat surely will go far.
And yet, it shouldn't gloat.

I IBERIAN LYNX (WILD)

On the Net I found links
To the Iberian Lynx.
A few of them remain
Somewhere out in Spain.
Do you think this cat winks?

J JAGUAR (WILD)

What do you know about the Jaguar?
I don't mean the British car.
You may see one in the zoo
And a South American jungle too
If there someday you are.

K KODKOD (WILD)

Rare is South America's little Kodkod.
Small head, big feet, thick tail adorn its bod.
It eats rodents, birds, and bugs like crickets.
It nests under trees in bamboo thickets,
And that is really odd.

COLLEGE

I believe in college.
It should never be abolished.
There is no doubt about it.
Yet some folks do well without it.
Elsewhere they get their knowledge.

SNOWSHOE PARTY

The Snowshoe party we attended,
And it was simply splendid.
Thoughtfully it had been planned.
College folks lent a helping hand.
They should be commended.

ELAND

When you visit New Zealand,
Don't expect to see an Eland.
They're seen near the Cape of Good Hope.
There are several kinds of antelope,
But no others are this grand.

NATURAL GAS RUSH

Drillers the earth impale
Into the Marcellus shale
Near Houston, an old steel burg
And neighbor of Pittsburgh.
Natural gas their coming hails.

Exploration is in full bloom.
Houston is the center of the boom.
It isn't done by stealth.
Landowners hope for wealth.
For drillers, the diner makes room.

Houston's serenity is gone
As drill bits cut into stone.
Tankers clog roads for miles.
Gas men wearing smiles
Talk on their cell phones.

STATE OF EMERGENCY

Schools' good standing nixed.
Reactions to this are mixed.
State of emergency declared.
To what is this compared?
How soon will it be fixed?

DON'T BE SHY

Don't be shy around the house.
Don't be timid like a mouse.
Don't be afraid to say "I love you;
I'm always thinking of you."
But not to another's spouse.

THE GINGHAM DRESS

There is a legend -- perhaps it's true --
About a Harvard president who
To would-be donors big was rude,
Turned them away, it's understood.
So they founded Stanford U.

TYPES OF THINKERS

What kind of thinker are y'all?
(Into what group do you fall?)
I was surprised to find
Of thinkers there are three kinds,
And that is all.

They're executive, judicial, and legislative.
Perhaps the judicial are deliberative.
Into one type you're loosely glued.
Perhaps it can be construed
That the legislative are creative.

And what kind does it appear
Is the typical engineer?
We know he's quickly spotted
Due to traits to him allotted
Which never disappear.

DIANE MCGARVEY

We give our thanks to Diane McGarv
Who prefers a diet low in carb.
If from this name she is reeling,
She should know I know the feeling,
For oft I'm called Bernie the Barb.

And about Diane, I'm glad to see
That she shares a trait with me,
Being slow on the ups but on the downs
Passing everyone in town and all around.
I hope it helps her beat Mary and Dee.

About Diane, I'm happy to know
She plays piano and likes to sew.
She cannot pass a porta-pot,
And that troubles her quite a lot
'Cause she'd rather lead than follow.

Diane knows all the trails too,
And likes to find running places new.
I've a hunch this red-haired gal
Has many a Boise running pal.
Shortcuts she knows and quite a few.

She's a friendly gal and never curt
Who likes to wear a running skirt.
Though not one of us really knows,
We can all suppose
She limits her intake of dessert.

Diane loves her dog, Homer.
Its predecessor was a roamer.
It was kind of dense
Though it climbed the fence,
But neither is true of Homer.

In case you haven't noticed,
Diane has seen a hypnotist.
When too much water she's got,
Behind a bush she will squat
If the trail right remote is.

Diane's asthma is no worse when it's colder.
She has a tattoo on her shoulder.
For six years she's given the club her best.
With Homer, Jim and kids she needs a rest,
Having grown six years older.

Although her duties she is completing,
She'll still attend our friendly meetings.
She won't stay cooped in her abode.
We'll see Diane on the road
When she is competing.

DOGS KNOW FAIRNESS

DOGS KNOW FAIRNESS

You make an error
If you think dogs don't know or care.
They'll do for you to their ability,
But if not treated with equity,
They're out of there.

A dog isn't about to play
For less than equal pay.
At that point the dog is through,
Won't even look at you,
But turns and walks away.


The News & Advance, 9 December 2008:

Study: Dogs have sense of fairness

Animal will walk away if it has been cheated

"Ask them to do a trick and they'll give it a try. For a reward, sausage say, they'll happily keep at it."

"But if one dog gets no reward, and then sees another get sausage for doing the same trick, just try to get the first one to do it again."

"Indeed, he may even turn away and refuse to look at you."

"Dogs, like people and monkeys, seem to have a sense of fairness."

"The dogs sat side-by-side with an experimenter in front of them. In front of the experimenter was a divided food bowl with pieces of sausage on one side and brown bread on the other."

"The dogs were asked to shake hands and each could see what reward the other received."

"When one dog got a reward and the other didn't, the unrewarded animal stopped playing."

"When both got a reward all was well."

--------------------------------------------

Helen and I arrived here in Madison, WI about 5:30 PM yesterday (Friday) after about 6-1/2 hours of driving from the Indianapolis area and were greeted by an accumulation of about 10 inches of snow which had fallen during Thursday night. The Interstate highways and the highways leading into Madison had been completely cleared but a lesser road leading to and the streets in Eric's neighborhood had only been partially cleared. We had no significant problems. Between Indianapolis and Bloomington, Ill and immediately north of Bloomington we experienced light mist, and off-and-on fog, wind, and fear of but not actual road ice from freezing rain. As we progressed northward from Bloomington, driving conditions improved, but we then had problems with dirt kicked up by trucks obscuring our view and had to stop twice to clean the windshield. (Our windshield washer line is plugged.)

HEROIC HOMELESS DOG

Homeless dog becomes a hero
Down in Santiago.
Rescuing dog risks its life
Rescuing dog that lost its life.
(The latter's vital signs were zero.)

The dog of valor
No doubt knows about squalor.
Whatever its logic,
It braved the fast traffic,
Though it had not a collar.

Many were they who watched the scene
On their home video screen,
Impressed by what this dog managed.
But their hero just vanished
And hasn't since been seen.

Might the dog it dragged from the median
Have been quite a comedian,
A critter of canine fame
That had grown old and lame
But is no encyclopedia in?

RUSSIAN BLUE (DOMESTIC)

This cat has a peculiar hue.
In fact it's almost blue.
And, unlike any cougar,
It's frosted with powdered sugar.
I bet you think so too.

NORWEGIAN FOREST CAT (DOMESTIC)

Careful the Wegie is and smart,
And it knows the hunter's art.
A thick and heavy coat
This cat is pleased to tote.
Its sweet expressions warm your heart.

HAVANA BROWN (DOMESTIC)

We can't help but note
Its chocolate brown coat.
With a body right muscular,
This cat surely will go far.
And yet, it shouldn't gloat.

DEVON REX (DOMESTIC)

From England comes this cat
Whose coat is delicate.
Its hair is short and curly.
Its a puss that's seldom surly.
When it is, just make it scat.

EGYPTIAN MAU (DOMESTIC)

EGYPTIAN MAU 1

Mau is an Egyptian word for cat,
And this mau is a very smart cat.
The only spotted domestic cat in the book,
This feline's face wears a worried look.
What do you think is the reason for that?


EGYPTIAN MAU 2

Mau is an Egyptian word for cat,
And this mau is a very smart cat.
The only spotted domestic cat in the book,
This feline's face wears a worried look,
And nobody knows the reason for that.


EGYPTIAN MAU 3

Mau is an Egyptian word for cat,
And this mau is a very smart cat.
The only spotted domestic cat in the book
Is this pussy with a worried look,
This feline that resembles a wildcat.

AGES OF DEPENDENCE

On others we totally depend
When we're at life's front end.
As so well we know,
It can be likewise so
When we get to life's rear end.

ALLEY CAT

If there's a cat named Wally
Living in your alley,
You can be very sure
He'll make friends with her
If you've a cat named Sally.

HUNTING CREEK TRAIL HIKE

Our leader to us disclosed
That the Parkway had been closed.
This was because of snow,
And because this was so,
An alternate hike was proposed.

How well I remember
That cold day in December.
We drove up Hunting Creek Road
Well above the highest abode,
We three NBATC members.

To its end we rode.
Then with Ken, who had no load,
Up the hill hell-bent
On the trail we went,
Which is an extenson of the road.

As we went our merry way,
We crossed the Blue Ridge Parkway.
'Twas a windy fridge
Up on Thunder Ridge
As the AT came into play.

Just as I had that hunch,
It was time to have lunch.
So we went round a bend
And got out of the wind,
And that helped a bunch.

Then the hike turned tame.
For Ken said 'If it's all the same,
Since the ridge we've found,
Let's turn ourselves around
And go back the way we came.'

The miles the hike constituted
Could well be disputed.
Seven is what Doug said;
It's four per a sign I read,
But five of them I computed

FAT DOG SURVIVES

Now the dog is warm and jolly,
Snoozing under Christmas holly.
Ultracold may suit a Samoyed,
But it's a good thing to avoid
If you're a border collie.

Most dogs would die, I'm supposin',
If all night to a sidewalk frozen.
An obese dog withstood it.
'Twas layers of fat that did it.
Neglect charges the press is disclosin.'

Owner couldn't get it loose.
(Her efforts were no use.)
But she didn't get uptight,
Checking oft, finding dog all right.
At least that's her excuse.

She didn't do as she oughta,
Which is to use hot water.
Of that she didn't think.
If she isn't in the clink,
She's at least in hot water.

CHRISTMAS CLASSIC

Because it's not far from here,
We ran it again this year.
It may not be fantastic,
But the Peaks of Otter Classic
Is a race that we hold dear.

CAT STATS

These are feline stats:
There are thirty-six wild cats --
What I mean is species
That in woodlands drop their feces --
And some umpty-ump domestic cats.

HAPPINESS

As if we needed reminding,
It's a scientific finding:
Happiness is contagious.
But this part is outrageous:
It's not completely binding.

For there is this little quirk:
It doesn't apply at work.
To explain this, I'm at a loss
Unless you have a boss
Who's an extraordinary jerk.

Happy friends may help you amass it,
But strangers can receive or pass it.
It's not just what you think or do;
Strangers determine your happiness too.
Of the finding, this is a facet.

MEXICO'S DRUG WAR

There's a sorry situation
In our Latin neighbor nation.
Though it's sad to tell,
The good guys aren't doing well
In this conflagration.

Having the inclination
To maximize intimidation,
The men in drug cartels
Do this very well
By torture and decapitation.

BLOODY DIAMONDS

A corrupt, treacherous, murderous place
A fortune or a meager living to chase.
Double-crossing, back-stabbing,
Zimbabwe diamonds grabbing.
A bloody, brief, and hellish life to face.

If lucky, you can make a killing
If to risk your life you're willing.
It's dirty, and it's back-breaking.
An enormous risk you'd be taking
Even if there were no killing.


Los Angeles Times, 4 December 2008:

Death stalks a field of gems

Diamonds lure illicit miners who dodge bullets as regime thugs loot rich trove of Zimbabwe's wild east.

GREEN POWER

California is very keen
On power that is green.
Solar and wind are both
Now industries of growth,
And they're also clean.

ZIMBABWE

Its economy has gone to the dogs.
People are wrestling wart hogs.
Starvation is that acute.
It's only wild fruit
That keeps millions above the bogs.

PERSIAN (DOMESTIC)

If a Persian cat you are knowing,
You know its coat is long and flowing,
Eyes and head are round, nose short and snubby.
With legs right short and body rather chubby,
This cat stays inside when it's snowing.

ABYSSINIAN (D0MESTIC)

A ABYSSINIAN (DOMESTIC)

An Abyssinian cat has the stature
Of an Egyptian feline statue.
Except for facial markings, sir,
Single-colored is its fur.
I hope yours is not a scratcher.


A ALLEY CAT (DOMESTIC)

If there's a cat named Wally
Living in your alley,
You can be very sure
He'll make friends with her
If you've a cat named Sally.

B BOBCAT (WILD)

BOBCAT 1

This is the bobcat.
It's not Bob, the cat.
But surely you will find
That this cat doesn't mind
If you call it that.


BOBCAT 2

Here is the Bobcat.
Have you seen such a cat?
I don't know the tale
That explains its wee tail,
And sorry I am for that.


BOBCAT 3

Here is the Bobcat.
In North America is its habitat.
And presently you will find
With a wee tail it's designed.
I don't know the why of that.


C CHEETAH (WILD)

The Cheetah runs at sixty miles per.
Spotted is the Cheetah's fur.
The Cheetah is a slender cat.
You'll never see one fat.
It lives in Africa, sir.

D DEVON (DOMESTIC)

From England comes this cat
Whose coat is delicate.
Its hair is short and curly.
Its a puss that's seldom surly.
When it is, just make it scat.

KODKOD

Rare is South America's little Kodkod.
Small head, big feet, thick tail adorn its bod.
It eats rodents, birds, and bugs like crickets.
It nests under trees in bamboo thickets,
And that is really odd.

HEARTLESS

What sets this girl apart?
Her four months with no heart.
It took a lot of love
To keep her blood on the move
With two pumps state-of-art.

IBERIAN LYNX

On the Net I found links
To the Iberian Lynx.
A few of them remain
Somewhere out in Spain.
Do you think this cat winks?

GEOFFREY'S CAT

GEOFFREY'S CAT 1

Do you suppose it was a chef?
Or even yet a ref?
Or a friend of his named Ben?
Well, who was it then,
Who named a cat for Jeff?


GEOFFREY'S CAT 2

This little South American cat
Eats insects. lizards, things like that.
Way South you may see it suddenly
For no cat is more southerly.
I doubt you'll see one fat.

SIAM

How really glad I am
Not to be in Siam!
For, with the red shirts
And the yellow shirts,
It's a crisis there what am.

FISHING CAT

Now here's an Asian cat
Whose fishing is down pat.
It can catch a fish
For its dainty dish
In just about nothing flat.

USSURI TIGER

The rare Siberian Tiger
Is the Ussuri Tiger.
This tiger of Siberia
Is the tiger of Manchuria,
And it's the Amur Tiger.

SNOW LEOPARD

The Snow Leopard is the Ounce,
A name right easy to pronounce.
It's from Siberia, they say,
And on its favorite prey
It's right eager to pounce.

SERVAL

The Serval is medium-sized (no runt).
In the savannas it likes to hunt.
Unique is how this African cat appears --
Long legs and neck, small head, big ears.
It's hind legs are longer than its front.

JAGUAR

What do you know about the Jaguar?
I don't mean the British car.
You may see one in the zoo
And a South American jungle too
If there someday you are.

LEOPARD

In Africa but hard to spot
Are leopards with their spots.
For wily cats are these
That like to be in trees
And eat their prey ere it rots.

BOBCAT

BOBCAT 1

This is the bobcat.
It's not Bob, the cat.
But surely you will find
That this cat doesn't mind
If you call it that.


BOBCAT 2

Here is the Bobcat.
Have you seen such a cat?
I don't know the tale
That explains its wee tail,
And sorry I am for that.


BOBCAT 3

Here is the Bobcat.
In North America is its habitat.
And presently you will find
With a wee tail it's designed.
I don't know the why of that.

NEW KIA PLANT

West Point, Georgia says to Kia
'We're sure glad to see ya.
For Detroit we don't mourn.
We don't call bulgogi foreign,
Though you brought it from Korea.'

WILDCAT

The Old World Wildcat
Is about as big as a house cat.
Though it's small, it's tough.
When it's hungry enough
It likes to dine on rat.

MAMMOTH DNA

A mammoth’s DNA has not been lost
Thanks to its hair preserved in permafrost.
Long, long time that mammoth napped.
Yet its DNA has now been mapped,
Never mind the cost.

In twenty years, due to cloning,
A living mammoth vets may be owning.
And perhaps they will.
But is this a skill
That they should be honing?

MAGNAPINNA SQUID

Have you heard about the elbowed squid
That in the depths till now has hid?
Its elbows are its attraction.
Were this critter at an auction,
Perhaps they'd help it bid.

But this creature is only a kid
Compared to the giant squid,
Which also lives in the deeps
And still gives me the creeps
Just like it always did.

At a depth of four thousand feet,
It doesn't sweat the summer's heat.
Where the pressue all around
Is seventeen hundred pounds,
It finds things it can eat.

PRURITUS

There are many ills that bite us.
Itching is called pruritus.
It has no good cure,
And when it is severe
It really can ignite us.

Doctors are at a loss
As to this devil’s cause.
The mild is treated with antihistamine.
The severe is just too mean.
Nothing works that they’ve come across.

CATS Q, U, V, X, Y, AND Z

There is no Q cat.
And it's worse than that.
There's no way to skin it,
For no cat has Q in it.
Take my word for that.

There is no V cat
That anywhere has sat.
But wait just a minute,
If V need only be in it,
Javanese helps us with that.

There is no X cat.
I'm sorry about that.
But the rule we can again bend
With X on the rear end.
Let's use the Manx to do that.

There is no Y cat.
Can't find one lean or fat.
The rule let's yet again bend
With Y on the far end,
Using the Bombay for that.

There is no Z cat,
I can assure you of that.
Its the same story as Q.
There's just nothing to do
But to give up on that.

---------------------------------------------

There is no U cat
Sorry I am for that,
As sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
I give my word on that.

There is no V cat.
If there is, I'll eat my hat.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
My word is true on that.

There is no X cat.
Can't find one thin or fat.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
You have my word on that.

There is no Y cat
No matter where you're at.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
You can be sure of that.

There is no Z cat.
I've looked hard for that.
I'm as sorry I as can be
About this anomaly.
My wife will vouch for that.

------------------------------

There is no U cat
No matter where you're at.
But the rule let us bend
With U on the back end.
The Egyptian Mau lets us do that.

OCELOT

The ocelot is the painted leopard.
With other cats compared,
It is of medium size.
About hunting it is wise
And for it well prepared.

TIGER

The tiger is a mighty cat.
Have no doubt of that.
It surely will amaze ya,
This cat that lives in Asia
(India and places such as that).

CRUISING TO L.A.

Long, straight, desolate and flat.
Well, most of it was like that
As, down to L. A. on I-5,
Cruising at seventy-five,
We in heavy traffic scat.

Gas stations were 35 miles apart.
Our planning was not so smart.
It was a real humdinger
How on empty we reached Coalinga.
You wouldn't call it art.

LION

The papa lion is the jungle king.
In Africa he does his thing.
He takes a lot of pride
In his lion pride,
But his lady does the hunting.

Africa is short on kangaroos.
So other meats the lion chews.
There are lions on the savanna.
If there are lions in Montana,
They're only in the zoos.

MOUNTAIN LION

North America's ferocious feline
Is a cougar and a mountain lion.
There also is a rumor
It's a panther and a puma.
About this I'd not be lying.

MAMMOTH

Our forbears used to hunt
This critter that was no runt.
Few creatures have been stronger,
But the mammoth lives no longer.
'Twas a cousin of the elephant.

POLECAT

As also does the owl,
At night it loves to prowl.
Sometimes called a polecat,
The skunk is not a cat,
And its spray is mighty foul.

BAHAMIAN GROMIA

Off Bahama's eastern shore,
Rolling along the ocean floor,
Slower even than snails,
Leaving distinctive trails,
Are creatures no on knew before.

In no hurry are they,
Moving one inch per day.
They're single-celled,
And they're self-propelled
In a most peculiar way.

They're spherical in shape.
So how do they escape,
These one-inch giant amoeba
Called Bahamian Gromia,
These delicate sea grapes?

Covered with ports,
They move by import and export.
Their fluid interiors
Contain resident bacteria
Which provide their support.

The news lines are buzzin'
'Cause they're seen by the dozen.
Like them, to roll
Might be the goal
Of their just-as-big cousins.

Their trails -- clearly they weren't
Just caused by the current.
How do we know?
If it were so,
They would be different.

And made, we are told,
Ere complex critters patrolled
Are trails exactly like these
Seen in rocks, if you please,
Five hundred million years old.

Scientists thought such a track
Requires a belly and a back.
Who could conceive of
A giant amoeba
With a rolling knack?

Now the scientists involved
Think perhaps the mystery is solved.
For the Gromia tends to persuade
That the ancient tracks were made
By a Gromia that revolved.

COLOR PERCEPTION

It now appears
That, as our little dears
Learn the color names,
The color perception game
Changes hemispheres.

VIET KIEU

Tiffany Nguyen is a Viet kieu.
People like her are quite a few.
Her parents fled the Viet Cong.
She found the Viet call so strong
She returned to the nam she never knew.

BIRD OF PARADISE

The bird of paradise
Is a flower rather nice.
If you have no other,
Give some to your mother.
As a gift they will suffice.

CAMPUS

Even for us old grandpas
It's pleasant on the campus.
We could stay there for hours
Among the trees and flowers,
Believing it will revamp us.

UNHAPPY VIEWERS

Unhappy folks watch more TV.
Whatever the causality,
Whether they watch because they’re sad,
Or whether watching makes them sad,
They don’t watch happily.

FREE EDUCATION

Because of charitable donations,
Free community college education.
This is a lucky stroke
For the youth of Roanoke
And a cause for celebration.

SPONTANEOUS PLAY

This is a verse spontaneous play concerning.
Advocates say "Play equals learning"
And kids will have fewer ills
And better social skills
When they're to more of it returning.

Yes, our children today
Get too little play.
With assorted ills
And reduced social skills,
For this they surely pay.

MALTHACE'S TOMB

Her bones are gone without a trace.
But since Netzer clearly is an ace,
I think it's safe to assume
He's indeed found the tomb
Of King Herod's wife, Malthace.

GLACIERS ON MARS

Based on scads of trusty data,
Folks have known the planet had it.
Newly found on Mars by radar
Are vast deposits of frozen water.
With a backhoe you could get at it.

This the orbiter did discover
Even though it cannot hover.
Its radar ground-penetrating
Sees the need for excavating
Up to thirty feet of rocky cover.

SEAN DUSINBERRE, HERO

While driving on the marge
Of a lake not so large
They skidded into the drink,
And awesome it is to think
Of how that dad took charge.

In no more than a trice
This father rescued twice.
Once his two sons were out,
Sadly his flame went out
In water cold as ice.

DRY HYDRANTS

Is there any reason why
Your hydrant might be dry?
Dry hydrants are not so nice,
Dry hydrants don't suffice
When flames are in the sky.

TRACHEA REPAIR

TRACHEA TRANSPLANT

With new windpipe, patient doing well.
“Twas grown from her own stem cells.
Trachea transplants are rare indeed.
Anti-rejection drugs she doesn’t need.
In Spain the lady dwells.

Well, I had no idea
Docs could grow a new trachea,
Using cells no wise embryonic
To solve a problem chronic
And from that problem free ya.

ONE PENNY OWING

The city was right keen,
Sent a letter sounding mean,
On her house threatening a lien.
As all of us are well knowing,
Such a thing is seldom seen
Over just one penny owing.

But citizens began to yelp,
And strangers came forth to help.
One said 'What the heck,
I'll write a one-cent check
Though this is rotten kelp.'

CHAD TOY

'I've had a conscience attack,
And that is why I'm back.
I am the runaway boy.
My name is Chad Toy
In case you have lost track.'

'I know this is a shock.
Behold, I stand and knock.
Because of my sin,
I'll come back in
If you'll unlock the lock.'

(Mr. Toy escaped and soon returned.)
Think you his conscience burned?
Or that for the jail he yearned?
By his sister he was persuaded.
For his safety she was concerned.
His love of freedom had not faded.

SAME GENE

Religion, politics, and government
Are to the same gene subservient.
People have their beliefs and views,
Which it's never of any use
Trying to change by argument.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RUBES

It happens to football rubes.
Their futures go down the tubes.
For they major in eligibility,
Which is lacking in utility
After their football days it lubes.

GENERAL MOTORS

An emergency abrupt:
GM may go bankrupt!
The economy may dunk it.
Who would have thunk it?
Much would that disrupt.

HUNTINGTON'S HEALTH

Health in Huntington is right sorry,
Nation's worst in seven categories.
Fried and greasy is the food.
For exercise there's no mood.
Heavy smoking rounds out the story.

But folks don't seem to care,
And barely are they aware.
Facing the opposite of wealth,
About the state of their health
They do not despair.

A MIDDLING DAY

I walked five miles today,
Lifted weights down Altavista way,
Was obliged to decide
'Twas too cold to ride,
A middling exercise day.

CABINET

A cabinet of substance
Will give government a chance.
As Obama picks 'em,
Let's hope he'll nix 'em
If they would be sycophants.

ALTAVISTA'S YMCA

If you're wondering why
We love the Altavista Y,
It's a community center
As well as flab preventer
That helps to keep us spry.

I'D BE LOST

I'd be lost without my wife.
That would hardly be a life.
Who would cook and sew?
What I'd do, I don't know
Without domestic strife.

GEN. ANN DUNWOODY

Women have made general before,
But Dunwoody's stars are four.
Forsaking physical education,
She gave the Army her dedication
And her esprit de corps.

PARTY

It could be that your party
Will be a bit less hearty.
But, as a cheerful host,
Make of it the most,
And don't let sweets be tarty.

PATCH, PATCH, PATCH

Getting old involves a lot of patching
And problems for which to be watching.
There's no doubt about it.
But one good thing about it
Is that young ones then are hatching.

So while you're busy patching
There's good to be onto latching.
And for the young and higher strung
Whom you may be among,
This old stuff isn't catching.

CHANGE OF HEART

A man may prefer a woman's heart
When the subject romance is.
But if he knows survival chances,
He may have a change of heart
If the subject is change of heart.

THREE TREASURES FOUND

A chunk of metal bought as lead.
An ingot of silver it is instead.
Six kids brought it to the dealer.
Each, arrested as a stealer,
Uses a cot in jail cell as a bed.

This story does have its class:
A frozen form of natural gas,
Eighty-five trillion cubic feet of it,
Lies beneath the feet of it --
Land the North Slope does encompass.

Crafted of emerald, pearl and gold.
Priceless earring two-thousand years old.
As fine a jewel as ever was seen.
Uncovered in a structure Byzantine
Built centuries after the gem was sold.

PROSTATE CANCER (UPDATED)

Die of prostate cancer? Nay?
With yearly DRE and PSA,
It will be early caught.
If so, fear it not.
Good cures exist today.

Perhaps you'll need a biopsy.
It may reveal cells gone flopsy.
Will your doctor earn his wage
Versus the cure rate percentage?
He'll know at your autopsy.

The treatment for me attractive
Is implanted seeds radioactive.
My doc is pretty sure
It is a worthy cure,
But it isn't retroactive.

My prostate today he bloodied.
Its volume he had studied.
He had made it very clear
It was nothing I should fear.
That issue was never muddied.

MONOGAMY

If it were strictly up to you,
Would you marry quite a few?
What is your point of view?
Is monogamy monotony?
How many would be right for you
If all were winners of the lottery?

BAMJAN RE-EMERGES

Boy, eighteen, Nepalese
Re-emerges from the trees.
Did his year he bungle
By living in the jungle,
Would you tell me, please?

Was it with danger fraught?
Was it enlightenment he sought?
He's clearly skilled in survival.
I guess 'twas his contrival
To have lots of lofty thoughts.

THE LAST FOUR

Of millions, remain just these four
Who survived that terrible war
In which they so nobly served
And, on the flat of the Gaussian curve,
Have survived ninety long years more.

OBAMA THE WRITER

It is now becoming clear
Authors see him as a peer.
And we can a bit relax,
Knowing that mangled syntax
Is one thing we need not fear.

INTEGRATION

I can tell you this about integration.
It's the opposite of differentiation,
And, if you have the nerve,
The area under a curve
Can be measured with this operation.

RUSSIAN SUB ACCIDENT

Freon will not support a flame.
To humans it does the same.
Though there was no excuse
For Freon getting loose,
Freon gets the blame.

With air kits all were furnished.
Yet twenty persons perished.
'Twas a brand new ship
On its maiden trip.
Nothing aboard was tarnished.

SIX MARINES

At a motel out in the West,
Six marines were at their best.
Detecting a conflagration,
Without any hesitation,
They alerted every guest.

HALAL MARKET

The News & Advance again has shown
A Lynchburg business I had not known.
In the "City of Churches,"
Muslims can their meat purchase.
Unsaid is where it's grown.

SPRUCE

Of my bike making use,
I pedaled down to Spruce.
I saw concrete remnants there
And deposits left by bear.
Yet I saw nary a moose.

FAREWELL SARAH

She knew not Africa's continental status.
If from the news Sarah takes a hiatus
And we hear of her no more
Nor of the fine duds she wore,
It surely will elate us.

FOX ATTACK

One of Prescott's lady jocks
Had a run in with a fox.
The mile when it chewed her arm
(Meaning to do her harm)
Was faster than she ever clocks.

GOOD BUGS

While their coffee's perking,
Scientists now are working
On good probiotic bugs
Designed to fight bad bugs
That we know are lurking.

In the subject here, the bad bugs
Are not your dormitory bedbugs.
Meant by this are bacteria.
Probiotics they should be leery of
Once scientists work out the bugs.

BALLOT COUNTED

The ballot that he cast
Got in the count at last.
In getting to the root
Of this ballot box dispute,
I hope no one was sassed.

BLOODY TRAIL

From Switzerland comes this story
About a bloody trail right gory.
Police following it at their peril
Found an overturned blood barrel
In a covered lorry.

The officers were filled with fright
As they followed the trail by sight
(Not by their senses olfactory).
It was at a sausage factory
That its cause came to light.

TRESPASS

From Hempstead comes this tale.
Persuasion being of no avail,
Officers facing an impasse
Charged a man with trespass
For refusing to leave the jail.

Now he's an inmate in the jail,
Held there for lack of bail.
He had gone to the bother
Of paying a visit to his brother,
Another inmate in the jail.

CORONATION

Thursday is the coronation
In the Bhutan nation.
If you could, would you
Like to be in Thimphu
To join the celebration?

DON'T GLOAT OVER THE VOTE

No one now should gloat
Because of the vote.
It's time now for healing.
Long we've been dealing
With a campaign cutthroat.

DEATH ON TUESDAY

"Two die in wreck on Tuesday,"
Not all that slow a news day.
Driving at excessive speed
For which there was no need
Made it their big lose day.

THE AUTOBAHN

They call it the autobahn
'Cause speeding is there outdone.
The patrol is now two men larger
With HEMIs in their Chargers.
Most rigs they can outrun.

Speedsters on this road are many.
Were this road in Germany,
You could drive it for all that's in ya.
But that's not OK in Virginia --
No, not for driver any.

YOUR MRS.

Are you getting all the kisses
That you're needing from your Mrs.?
That you can't compel.
You have to treat her well
If you want to know what bliss is.

PROPOSAL

You've not answered my proposal.
Negative is my supposal.
Of course I hope I'm wrong,
But this hunch of mine is strong:
It went through your unit disposal.

KANGAROO PAW

Here's a flower on which I'm keen.
If this beauty you've never seen,
Well then, that's no wonder
'Cause it's mainly found down under
Where it blooms on Halloween.

MONEY

Money is of the same ilk
As is chocolate milk.
In my source referral,
I find it has no plural,
For it is a noun of bulk,

Yet it will be found
By those who check around
That, though it's kind of funny,
There's another kind of money
That is a counting noun.

OUT-TO-LUNCH ROADS

When you're driving, it helps a bunch
To know your road is out to lunch.
Out-to-lunch roads are hard to drive
Unless you have a four-wheel drive.
At least that is my hunch.

LOG CABIN FOUND

In a house that you own,
Abandoned and alone,
How often does it happen
That you find a log cabin
That no one you know had known?

BADDER IN NEVADA

One in five owe more than their homes are worth.
Though that's no cause for mirth,
The situation is much badder
Out yonder in Nevada
Where half are in that berth.

GOOD DEED

Ms. Mock, I must concede,
Did a very kind deed.
And she did it for
Ms. Tracy Orr,
A lady who was in need.

After this good deed,
Ms. Mock holds the deed
(The deed to the house).
Yet Orr still has her house
(Which fills her need).

ELECTORAL COLLEGE

Is it preordained by God
Who will get the nod?
To the best of my knowledge,
The Electoral College
At best is a little odd.

STEVE BOZEMAN

A veteran of the Marine Corps,
The leader of the flag corps,
And of the terrace vigil,
Steve is slightly over the hill.
Yet he's good for many more.

RADIATION PROTECTION

Nuclear power will reawake.
Radiation protection that will take.
At CVCC it's a darn good deal
For those learning with that to deal.
Big salaries they will make.

THE SYCAMORE TREE

While on my sedan sittin',
I read what Kathleen has written.
By John's old sycamore tree,
They chatted, Sarah and he,
And John was sorely smitten.

BLOOD CRUD

Bad stuff -- let's call it "crud" --
Is released by older blood.
Scientists, on inspection,
Find crud causes an infection
By making an immunity a dud.

EVEN KEEL

I sail on an even keel.
The highs I never feel.
I do miss those
But not the lows.
They don't have much appeal.

BILL BARKER

About Jefferson, Barker is well educated.
To portraying Jefferson, he is dedicated.
My concept of Thomas Jefferson
Is on his portrayal by this person
In large part predicated.

SEVENTY-TWO

It's right hard to screw
When you're seventy-two.
Though you you may be wise,
To the occasion to rise
It's hard for you.

SEVENTY-ONE

It's right hard to run
When you're seventy-one.
Yet harder is it
To finally admit
That those days are done.

It's right hard to run
When you're seventy-one.
At getting old I'd like to balk
Because even when I walk
It's not so lightly done.

It's right hard to run
When you're seventy-one.
I guess my jig is up.
With friends I can't keep up,
And that's no fun.

It's right hard to run
When you're seventy-one.
It's hard when you're old
And the weather's cold
Or on days hot with sun.

It's right hard to run
When you're seventy-one.
It's right hard to tweak
Legs stiff and weak
Even at the starting gun.

It's hard to run
When you're seventy-one,
When slow are your ways
And gone are the days
Of trophies won.

LYNDON AND I

The war in Vietnam
Was too much for Uncle Sam.
Lyndon would not give in
Though 'twas clear he couldn't win
With his battering ram.

I find it rather stunning
How this parallels my running.
Ever against my will,
I continue to slide downhill.
Yet defeat I still am shunning.

BOWLING GREEN

As nice a lawn as I have seen
Was old George's bowling green.
And beyond it I was discernin'
The mansion of Mount Vernon
As stately as it's ever been.

GEORGE WASHINGTON

He built Mount Vernon up from small
And married the richest widow of all.
Farming with the latest apparatus,
He was the American Cincinnatus
And more than six feet tall.

LIQUID GOLD

In days of old
Washington distilled "liquid gold."
"First in the hearts of his countrymen,"
He was a farmer and a businessman
As well as statesman and warrior bold.

FETAL DNA TESTING

Ethical questions come into play
As doctors test fetal DNA.
Will it cause unneeded worry?
Will couples be in a hurry
With their fetuses to do away?

PREMATURE DISCHARGE

A man may be strong and burly,
But it's a disappointment to his girly
And the same it is to him
If, when it's sink or swim,
He discharges pematurely.

SMALL BANK BANKERS

Small bankers should feel uplifted.
Money their way is being shifted.
Yet it's not more secure,
And you can be quite sure
The bankers are not more gifted.

GRACIOUS HOST

Cider, wine, beef, and chicken roast!
And, hey, I liked the sweets the most!
A Poplar Forest dinner
Always is a winner.
Old Tom is a gracious host.

NUCLEAR PARTS PLANT

A nuclear parts plant is in store
Close to the Virginia shore.
With very little hassle
They'll cast a reactor vessel
To contain a commercial core.

STRONGEST CURRENCY

Have you wondered now and then
On which money you can most depend?
You may not this perceive,
But this you can believe:
They say it is the yen.

MY EXPENSIVE TEETH

It costs me an awful lot
That my teeth decay and rot.
If he perhaps can save the day,
To my dentist I always say
"Give it your best shot."

SUBJECT FINDING

With verses in prevalence
And their favor in the balance,
Witing for this bard
Isn't all that hard.
Subject finding is the challenge.

POETS AROUND

I have generally found
There are some people around
Who can compose a poem,
And yet I do not know 'em,
As strange as that may sound.

JEFF FEDORKO

Whatever speed our pace is,
Something we have to face is --
And I know we all have said it --
Jeff deserves the credit.
He puts on the races.

LYNCHBURG ROADRUNNERS

To say, I think it's fair,
Lynchburg runners have much to share,
And of course we all know,
As runners come and runners go,
The Lynchburg RoadRunners will be there.

For thirty-five years with impunity
It's been serving our running community.
What could be better
Than The Milespost newsletter
And a modicum of unity?

CAR WEBCAMS

To the parent it has attraction
'Cause if there's G compaction
The parent wants to know it.
But the teen wants to throw it --
The camera that records the action.

PASTORAL HUGS

Almost every preacher
Is a hugging creature.
But in today's society,
Caution beyond propriety
Their hugs are sure to feature.

ASHA MANDELA

Her twenty years of hair
Takes a lot of care.
It's hard to keep it neat
Since it's nearly nine feet,
The longest anywhere.

WEIGHT LOSS FOOD

They're developing a food
With a taste right good
That will treat you right
By curbing your appetite
Like a good food should.

PLACEBOS

Half the doctors give placebos.
Is your doc one of those?
If it works for your minor pain,
Is he apt to do it again
When you're in your last throws?

WARM HEARTS

Wherever you go,
This is important to know:
If your surroundings be warm,
Then your heart will conform
And be warm also.

ELECTION OFFICER

At 6 AM the door unlatch.
At 7 PM the door relatch.
At 5 AM arrive on time.
Through the day from time to time
Check to see if the numbers match.

As voters come to the polls,
Find their names on the rolls.
Other things the job entails,
And the poll worker never fails
To employ all controls.

Before they leave, be sure to note
Whether they recorded their vote.
Though you work from early till late,
You must always concentrate
And not do the job by rote.

Rather than come to grief,
Bring all questions to the chief.
He and you are able
To consult the what-if table.
Rotation and breaks afford relief.

Meager is the pay
For your fifteen-hour day.
Bring your own food.
Be in the mood
In one room to stay.

ATHEIST

If someone on your mailing list
Turns out to be an atheist,
Don't let that be a detractor,
Though it be a factor
Which, till now, you've missed.


The Roanoke Times, 22 October 2008:

"Atheism is far more popular, and socially and politically accepted, in Britain than in the United States."

EDNA JESTER

Why else but to pester
Elderly Edna Jester,
Who may be short of cash,
Would police in Blue Ash
Decide to arrest her?

SAM FELDER

By his drowning, I am certain,
His family was stricken with pain.
After years eighty-seven
Does it that pain leaven
That they've found Sam's remains?

Still alive by longevity's caprice,
Possibly a nephew or a niece
Carries the memory of Sam.
But all those who'd give a damn
More likely rest in peace.

TMS

In a new medical field
Depression may well yield
To brain stimulation
By pulsed application
Of a magnetic field.

SNOWSHOE HIKE

Thinking it too cold for mountain biking,
Up at Snowshoe we went hiking.
Plentiful was what the bruin leaves.
Beautiful were the colored leaves
And greatly to our liking.

While exercise was our motive,
'Twas fun encountering a locomotive.
Perhaps 'twas the nicest part
That truly the greatest part
Of our route was no wise automotive.

MILKSHAKE STUDY

The less you find a milkshake yummy,
The more you put it in your tummy
And hence the more you get fatter.
Perhaps 'twould be a different matter
If its taste were crummy.


The Charleston Gazette, 17 October 2008:

Brain's food reaction a weight factor

"The brains of young women were scanned while they drank milkshakes to test the level of satisfaction they got from the shake."

"Drink a milkshake and the pleasure center in your brain gets a hit of happy -- unless you're overweight."

"It sounds counterintuitive, but scientists ... concluded that when the brain doesn't sense enough gratification from food, people may overeat to compensate."

"The small but first-of-a-kind study could even predict who would pile on pounds during the next year: Those who harbored a gene that made their brain's yum factor even more sluggish."

"'The more blurred your response to the milkshake taste, the more likely you are to gain weight,' ..."

TOO CLOSE

If you form a friendship tender
With a married one of the other gender
And you like the way it goes,
Be careful; don't get too close.
Away that may send her.

SURVIVING WHLE DRIVING

If you're counting on surviving,
Don't eat while you're driving.

Or if you do and drop your food,
Retrieving it is not so good
If you're counting on surviving.

THE ROANOKE TIMES

Many have been the times
I've found in The Roanoke Times
A story fit to nurse
And transform into verse
By fitting it to rhymes.

GOV. PALIN

For her there is no precedent.
I'm searching for a compliment.
She's pretty and vivacious;
Clearly she's audacious,
But totally incompetent.

INTERMINABLE LIBERTIES

In our land of liberty

Politicians learn from puberty

To sling mud into the eye

Of the other guy

While with truth taking liberties.

And of course they always will

Make promises they can't fulfill.

It's done by both old and novice

Whether seeking the oval office

Or a spot on capital hill.

Matters not their party

Or if they're hale and hearty.

Whatever be your wish,

They promise a dainty dish,

And it isn't a la carty.

If not totally altruistic,

They're always optimistic

And brimming with confidence.

To some it makes good sense

To be opportunistic.

Changing the question to one preferred,
They're never at a loss for words.
Not highly satisfying
Is their way of vying
To be the leader of our herd.

This campaign interminable

Finally approaches its terminal.

It's been a tiresome fight

Conducted all by sound bite

With few ideas germinal.

COACH BOB BROWN

Indomitable is old Coach Brown.
On his peg leg he gets around.
At seventy-one he's not retired.
Of coaching he's not too tired
To drive for his next first down.

Having coached some of the best,
He's helping Ferrum in their quest.
In the town where this coach labors
He loves the neighborliness of his neighbors.
He says they are the best.

KING PAUL

Paul Washington would be our king
If monarchy were our thing.
The most likely of all is he
Of George's living progeny.
Do you find this interesting?

2008 NOBEL ECONOMICS PRIZE

This theory developed by a trio American
Explains situations in which markets can
And others in which work they can't.
This theory is used to a great extent
By folks who strive the economy to plan.

NOBEL BETTING

Nobel betting, I'm told, is common
Regardless if it's frowned upon.
Americans who have a clue,
I think, are very few.
Must be a European phenomenon.

NORMAL WEAR AND TEAR

There are things, I swear,
That you have to grin and bear
To keep peace within your house
Together with your spouse.
They're just normal wear and tear.

THE JESUS HORSE CULT

They reject primordial slime.
They have theories more sublime:
Regardless if there's a deluge,
Alaska will be the final refuge
Just before the end of time.

This is sure to happen
While our sons are young and strappin'.
Most of us will see it.
It's His will, so be it.
Don't let it catch you nappin'.

Jesus rode a dino like horse
(After 'twas saved in The Arc, of course).
This was well before the Gaels
Who used to live in Wales
Were plundered by the Norse.

A presidential candidate
(A Muslim terrorist of late)
Has been training ghouls
To kill our kids in schools.
They can hardly wait.

TOO MUCH BOTHER

When I take a backward look,
I see how long us it took
(While all others we forsook)
To learn to live with each other.
To do that all again, in my book,
Would be too great a bother.

OR

When I take a backward look,
I see how long us it took
To learn to live with each other.
To do that all again with another
Would be too much, in my book.

THE POLITICS OF HATE

As we do our nation's bus,
I have to say, Gee whiz,
What a sad thing is this,
The politics of hate.
Surely a better way there is
To conduct our debate.

EBENEZER

A word that is a teaser
To me is Ebenezer.
Some people of some fame
Had it for a name,
One a Christmas story geezer.

It shows up in a hymn.
Was it put there on a whim?
This word is so contrary
That it's in no dictionary,
But it must be dear to Him.

It seems, in any case,
It's something that you raise.
Well, you can safely bet
That on the Internet
Down this word I'll chase.

Though they don't abound,
There are Ebenezer towns.
And even a wine Shiraz
This odd old name has
And two churches, I have found.

The Philistines were mean,
And with the Philistines
Old Samuel had to cope.
Sam set up a stone of hope
When their clock he cleaned.

JUDGE FORNOF-LIPPENCOTT

This judge is ever devisin'
Punishments to broaden horizons.
His reduced sentence held a lot to do,
But, had the rap fan followed through,
Bach he'd be recognizin'.

HOUSE SAWED IN TWO

Their marriage being through,
They sawed their house in two.
She's living in her half.
He disassembled his half
And with its parts withdrew.

CLITORIS

Always remember this:
Be kind to her clitoris.
Without any hesitation,
Give it oral stimulation,
And it will give her bliss.

ARTH ARREST

Here's what the doctor orders
For treatment of painful disorders.
Get relief in a minute
From this true horse liniment
Available at Walgreens' corners.

A DRUNK IN YOUR BED

Drunk I'm not adept.
Into your house I crept.
Comfy is your bed.
Aching is my head.
My apology please accept.

TESTICULAR CELLS

Here's a scientific find
Beneficial to half mankind.
When examined in a vial,
Testicular cells seem as versatile
As the stem embryonic kind.

REASON TO COMPLAIN

What does a woman gain
If for her it means pain
Or if it's only blah?
And every impotent pa
Has reason to complain.

Or maybe she's inhibited,
Thinking pleasure is prohibited.
Or maybe he fires too early
So that he and his girly
Can't get together riveted.

2008 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

Reconciled are the troubles
'Twixt Indonesia and her rebels.
More peaceful will be her tomorry
For the help of Ahtisaari
If she has no more squabbles.

2008 NOBEL LITERATURE PRIZE

A French novelist who's lived in many lands,
Many cultures Le Clezio understands.
He's written thirty books on subjects various,
Most rather serious (not hilarious)
And knows what great writing demands.

PROGYMNASMATA

Do they teach progymnasmata
At your alma mater?
Down at the academy
It's as important as anatomy
And something they think a lot of.

Students in the academy enrolled
Know this subject cold.
It has nothing to do with arithmetic.
It has to do with rhetoric,
A subject ages old.

LUKE HARRIS

At safety a perfect fit,
This guy loves to hit.
Yet on the attack
He's the quarterback.
He has no time to sit.

QUARRY VOTE

Would the vote be contrary?
Residents found the prospect scary.
After the public hearing,
Just as they were fearing,
Evington gets the quarry.

LIVING GODDESS

Nepal is this disclosin':
Their new goddess has been chosen.
She won't have to smile good,
But she'll be denied a normal childhood,
And time cannot be frozen.

She never will be queen.
They're no longer 'twixt and 'tween.
Without her they'd feel diminished.
Her divinity will be finished
Ere she becomes a teen.

Candidate she was the best,
And she also passed the tests.
With a predilection
For physical perfection,
Clearly she's been blessed.

For others it was no soap.
Perfect is her horoscope.
There's not all that much to it.
She can muddle through it
Once she learns the ropes.

VINCENT JULIAN

Vincent Julian was born the other day.
A warm "Welcome" to him we say.
We wish him health and happiness
And plenty of love and success
All along his way.

2008 NOBEL CHEMISTRY PRIZE

The light a jelly fish produces
Has its scientific uses.
These guys know the essence
Of bioluminescence,
And none of them a recluse is.

2008 NOBEL PHYSICS PRIZE

Each is a marvelous man
Fitting Nobel's perfect plan.
And, according to the article,
They savvy subatomic particles,
These three gentlemen of Japan.

While I know not a token,
They know how symmetry is broken
And of families of quarks
Not delivered by storks,
And about these they have spoken.

GOLDEN PAVILION

Preserved from days of old
Is this palace all gilt in gold.
Orlin found it in Kyoto.
A marvel it is in total
And a beauty to behold.

VOLUME STUDY

Though its volume has been studied,
My prostate has not been bloodied.
Treatment is drawing near.
What they'll do is clear.
The issue has not been muddied.

2008 NOBEL MEDICINE PRIZE

Here's a note parenthetical
About the awards Nobel Medical.
The news has just come out.
Two viruses they're about.
It's no longer hypothetical.

What's the cause of cervical cancer?
Zur Hausen found the answer.
And of the AID syndrome?
That's also in this poem.
Two Frenchmen found that answer.

About AIDS, a controversy --
Resolved (Lord, have mercy!) --
Involved another fellow
By the name of Robert Gallo
From an American University.

FUNERAL BANNER

It's the Iraqi manner
Upon a death to hang a banner.
Then they put one in the ground.
Only the rich will be found
By a paper scanner.

A SHAME

It seems to me a shame
That just one man gets the fame
When two men independently
In fact made the discovery,
Each at time the same.

MIRACLE BABY

Baby found in a pool of mud
Four days after Algerian flood,
Hungry, I suppose,
But authorities disclose
The baby's health is good.

TRAINING

Training is my leisure
'Cause fitness is what I treasure.
Running is serious business;
Weight lifting gives me dizziness,
But biking is a pleasure.

I train an awful lot.
My partner likes this not
'Cause jobs are ever lurking
On which I should be working,
But time I haven't got.

LOST GOLF BALLS

Golf balls go oft astray.
In the grass then they lay.
My friend is a hard-core golfer.
I collect them for the duffer.
His expenses they help defray.

CAROL'S KNEE

Carol's old knee has been four weeks gone.
Her new knee connects to her good bones.
More so than one expects,
She's had bad side effects,
And the reason has not been known.

LEGAL STEALING

Though it seems unreal,
Gas folks can from you steal --
This within the law,
And from this deal raw
You have no appeal.

CURTESY

When 'twas common for a woman to curtsy,
Upon her death she left a curtesy.
She followed this plan
To help her old man
Out of courtesy.

Her land he could hold
Till it was his turn to fold
Whereupon
It was passed on
To their children, we're told.

AFGHAN

You don't have to be an Afghan
To wear a pretty afghan.
It's worn as a rule
When it's a little to cool
To sit outside and tan.

CURTILAGE

Mr. Jefferson had a curtilage
With a fence around its edge.
Everything that to his house pertained
Was in that curtilage contained
(Like his garden, sheds and hedge.)

Stables, slave quarters, things like those
Were within the fence enclosed.
'Twas with all necessities complete,
Ten acres on his Poplar Forest retreat,
Things to fill whatever needs arose.

NAVY SUB

For Air Force gals and guys
It was such an odd surprise
They thought their sanity was fleeing
As on their campus they were seeing
A Navy sub materialize.

ROADKILL COOKOFF

It's not at all what it sounds.
Right tasty food there abounds.
It's laid out on the table,
And as long as they are able,
The patrons make the rounds.

FIRE HYDRANT

Whenever a hydrant I see,
I'm always ready to pea.
Leg up, I squirt it.
Surely it won't hurt it,
This gift it gets from me.

PIPELINE

The pipeline can't decay,
But this news is out today:
By techniques right refined,
Inspectors have determined
That it's corroding away.

BAILOUT PLAN VERBIAGE

The bailout plan two weeks old
Has grown a hundred-fifty fold.
But legislators all this verbiage
Does not in the least discourage.
They all know this plan cold.

HORSEPOWER

On a bike you've but two HP per ton.
Nevertheless it can be great fun.
But a car or a truck
Its load can well buck
With about a hundred HP per ton.

PERFECT SCORES

Victory is a treat,
And it was all the more sweet
To read in The Journal
That both teams of Colonels
Scored fifteen in a tri-meet.

For who can ask for anything more
Than a perfect cross country score?
And more it will please
If more yet of these
Both teams have in store.

MESSY PEOPLE

We throw when the spirit moves us.
Messy people this proves us.
As though it's a requirement,
To mess up the environment,
We feel it behooves us.

JOAN BENOIT SAMUELSON

Among the women, number one,
She did right well at fifty-one.
We're so glad she came to town,
This gold medalist of renown,
Joan Benoit Samuelson.

FIVE WHO RAN THE VA TEN MILER

DAVID HORTON

LU's Doctor David Horton
Ran the race just to be sportin'.
Seventeen trail miles on feet right sore
He and buddies ran the night before!
Or were they moonshine snortin?


DAVID CHEEROMEI

Coach David Cheeromei
Is a Kenyan who can really fly.
Over the course he sped,
Seven minutes of second ahead!
He's another LU guy.


BILL DRAPER

If you know old Bill Draper,
Then you know he'll never taper.
Bill is now eighty-one,
And all thirty-five he's run
According to the paper.


JIM MONTGOMERY

From Florida it's a long drive
For a man almost seventy-five.
In his car this man I admire a lot
Slept in the parking lot!
For him it was number thirty-five.


BILL FASTABEND

We knew we could depend
On our own Bill Fastabend.
Running with an injured calf,
Cheered on by his better half,
He brought his 35th to its end.

BRAVE MASTER

The dog could scarcely bark
In that crisis stark.
No one could dive in faster
Than did that loving master
Who saved it from the shark.

DO LESS; GET HUNGRIER

This news is on the street:
Whether it's potatoes, fish or meat,
The more we sit,
The hungrier we get
And the more we eat.

ALTAVISTA

The twenty-three miles I rather like
To ride to Altavista on my bike,
Then lift weights and ride home to boot.
I went there one-way once on foot,
But that's a lengthy hike.

A SOLUTION EXISTS

Congress will, of course, persist.
Of what does the solution consist?
At the defeat, the market winced,
But Bob Goodlatte is convinced
A solution does exist.

SAFE HAVEN?

Folks not to be commended
Think for them have ended
The jobs of pa and ma
Because of a Nebraska law
With results unintended.

ASSAULT

During his booking at the station,
He worsened his situation
By a noxious gas discharge
While he faced the charge
Of driver intoxication.

To insult adding injury,
Cruz, whose speech was slurry,
Fanned gas in Parsons' direction
Till, in the officer's recollection,
His vision became right blurry.

Since it clearly was his fault,
They charged Cruz with assault
For letting out a wind
Of the most lethal kind,
And they locked him in their vault.

WHAT PRICE?

How much value has it,
A "mortgage-related asset?"
How much should be paid
For an asset much decayed?
This is a bailout facet.

CELL REGRESSION

An item in the news of late
Has implications great.
Scientists, by their finesse,
Have made adult cells regress
To an embryonic state.

FIX THE CAUSE

One of the bailout's flaws:
It doesn't address the cause.
A proper remedy,
It seems to me,
Is more than tape and gauze.

CANCER-DRIVEN DECISION

A doc capable of precision
Was hired for circumcision.
He proved himself a menace
By removing the patient's penis
In a cancer-driven decision.

I wonder in this case,
Why he wanted in the first place,
Forty years after graduation,
A change in configuration.
But that's clearly no disgrace.

WARRANTS

The situation surely warrants
The liberal use of warrants.
If the taxpayers cannot recoup
Once the financiers escape the soup,
That would be abhorrent.

PROPOSAL REQUIRES TRUST

In the bailout proposal extraordinary,
This part I find scary:
This program called a must
Requires total trust
In the Treasury Secretary.

ECONOMIC INTERVENTION

Our advice has always been
Let the market rule the scene
Whatever be the case.
Yet in our own case
We prefer to intervene.

DELINQUENT TAXES

If you own a Snowshoe condo,
This you ought to know:
You need to be alert
Because you can be hurt
By back taxes you may owe.

Sad it is to tell it.
They'll take your flat and sell it,
Taking this action even though
About the problem you may not know
And hence cannot repel it.

It's not that they don't want us
In the County of Pocahontas.
It's just that they use
The county weekly news
As the means to confront us.

RELIGIOSITY

From the evidence I am seeing,
I cannot be agreeing
That religiosity
Is a necessity
For a country's social well being.

PROSTATE CANCER

Die of prostate cancer? Nay!
With yearly DRE and PSA,
It will be early caught.
If so, fear it not.
Good cures exist today.

Perhaps you'll need a biopsy,
Perhaps revealing cells gone flopsy.
Will your doctor earn his wage
Versus the cure rate percentage?
He'll know at your autopsy.

The treatment for me attractive
Is implanted seeds radioactive.
My doc is pretty sure
It is a worthy cure,
But it isn't retroactive.

EYE DROPS

Eye drops I always use.
So many that they confuse.
I put them in each night
So I will not lose my sight
(That would be bad news.)

BULL'S RIDE

Having a problem to address
Absent any duress,
He transported a bull
In his convertible
While it made a great mess.

It was a great sight
As the bull stood upright,
While on down the road
Together they rode,
The bull on the right.

Now a conclusion this brings
To this tale, the strangest of things:
It can't be denied
That on the right side
There was a sag in the springs.

SAGGING PANTS

Around this way you may go
Even though your undies show.
By constitutional guarantee,
In this land you are free
To wear your trousers low.

Those of us who are old
Would rather not this behold.
But although we don't like it
And think you should hike it,
It's not for us to scold.

STRONG HOUSE

Houses were smashed,
And teeth were gnashed.
Yet one house, built real good,
Nevertheless stood
When all by Ike were lashed.

FAILING AND BAILING

Great corporations failing.
Government mightily bailing.
Unprecedented stuff.
Will it be enough?
Or will we be weeping and wailing?

ZANY CHENEY REASONING

I wonder about Dick Cheney.
Might the man be brainy?
After his years of seasoning,
It seems to me his reasoning
Sometimes can be zany.

He's taken the peculiar stance
That he's not of the executive branch,
Nor yet the legislative.
But in his view creative,
He's merely to Congress ranched.

HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE

Should I take a balloon ride?
I cannot quite decide.
This morn long before noon
I spied two big balloons
Floating side-by-side.

Imagine, please, the scene,
All quiet and serene:
Two balloons in the air --
Almost stationair --
Above the pasture green.

"How wonderful!" I cried.
To think it through, I tried.
And, before I knew it,
I reckoned I should do it
Sometime ere I've died.

A LION TO RELY ON

With a lioness as their buddy,
They took refuge from waters muddy.
She "was as calm as a kitten"
While by Ike they were smitten,
And she ate nobody.

CELL PHONES AT SCHOOL

It may be a handy tool,
But don't use your phone at school.
In the school 's circumstance
It is, at best, a nuisance,
And it is against the rule.

GIVE ME A SUBJECT

Give me a good subject,
And once I thereon reflect
And my thoughts collect,
That subject I'll versify,
Knowing that you expect
A poem that will satisfy.

ANNIVERSARIES

Anniversaries and birthdays I have in my book.
Trouble is, I too seldom look.
These dates I'll computerize
And sequentially organize
And do better by hook or by crook.

THE MORNING AFTER THE MMTR

Three runners hard core
Slipped out the door.
Toothy were their smiles.
Fifty were their miles
The day before.

For running equipped
Since no day can be skipped,
Well before daylight
They carried a flashlight,
And nobody tripped.

Stiffer than boards,
They thought of the rewards
To folks who are, you might say,
As crazy as they
That fitness affords.

According to intent,
Six miles they all went
Ere coffee they sipped,
Syrup on waffles they dripped,
And two drove home hell-bent.

You could call them hardy men,
For that they were back then.
And all their buddies knew it.
If any three could do it,
They were Bernie, Dick and Ken.

KEN KARCHER

Ken Karcher used to come to visit,
And I'd like to make this explicit:
He came to run the MMTR
And was, at that, quite a star,
For he had the talent requisite.

The year his age was seventy-one
The Karcher Award by him was won.
By this story please don't be bored,
For those who've won the Karcher Award
In twenty-six years have been but one.

I fondly hope before I'm done
That I'll be the second one.
But let me make this clear:
It get's no easier year-by-year
Now that my age is seventy-one.

Fifty miles is a right long ways,
And farther still it seems these days.
The trail is a happy place,
But it's hard to keep the pace
Long after one's best days.

The cutoffs by margins narrow
I used to make with taxed bone marrow.
At seventy-one it's hard to thrive.
Yet toward this goal still I strive,
And Ken Karcher is my hero.

Considering his knack,
If Ken ever comes back,
When the results have been scored,
An octogenarian award
I'm sure they'll need, Jack.

We exchange e-mails now and then,
Always welcome, no matter when.
And, by the way,
I'm happy to say,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEN!

JOHN BOYER

He's been in the news before.
Can I versify him once more?
According to rumor,
He teaches geography with humor,
And that's what students love him for.

So the Plaid Avenger
Is geography's messenger
To the largest class
To anywhere amass
To learn the policies of Kissinger.

MATT CASSELL

Tom Brady won't be back,
But of talent there is no lack
In the replacement quarterback.
In his first start since high school,
His game control right on track,
Matt Cassell kept his cool.

The competition best be wary,
For, facing Brett Favre legendary,
Matt threw no Hail Mary.
(Mary was an unneeded lady.)
The Pats' outlook is not scary
Despite the loss of Tom Brady.

While not praising too highly,
Matt's coach was right smiley.
'Well done,' said Coach to Matt, dryly.
And said Matt to Brett Favre,
'I'm grateful to you highly
For doing me this favor.'

EYE-TO-EYE

Perhaps I'll see eye-to-eye
With a sweet girl I'll meet by and by,
And she could become my buddy --
Except she's married to somebody
And so am I.

A CRAFTSMAN'S FALL

An artisan for quality work was known
By everyone in his zone.
He was rightly proud to show it.
How did such a person blow it,
His good rep to pieces blown?

He had a helper he could depend on.
His helper now is gone.
His helper had skills he needed.
These skills his own exceeded.
His commissions have been withdrawn.


A CABINET MAKER DID HIGH QUALITY REMODELING WORK FOR US TWICE AT SNOWSHOE -- AND LOUSY WORK THE THIRD TIME.

CAMPAIGNING AND GOVERNING

Can one rightly be maintaining
That skill displayed in campaigning
Equates to skill in governance?
Lord, please deliver us;
Our patience keeps on draining!

SEXY WOMEN

Sexy women are great to see.
They no longer appeal to he,
I heard one old gent say.
But, as I grow older day by day,
They look better and better to me.

And I'm much less fussy now.
You'll oft hear me say "Wow!"
About a lady up in years
If she's come through those years
Right well somehow.

MEDICAL SESSIONS

As if by stern obsession,
I support the medical profession.
Thankfully, being retired,
I've the time and am not too tired
For my frequent scheduled sessions.

TWO IN A TUB

Rub a dub dub,
Two friends in a tub,
One of them male,
The other female,
Both needing a good scrub.

Together they mean
To get nice and clean.
Each scrubs their friend's thighs,
And meanwhile their happy eyes
Savor what lies between.

LOVING AT THE CROTCH

How many couples German, French or Scotch
Have attained that notable notch
Where when they're love-making
The liberty they are taking
To orally make love at the crotch?

Some are so far above it
That they would never think of it.
Others, in giving it some thought,
Think perhaps they ought
But lack the courage thus to love it.

SUICIDE

You may think it's up to you.
But those who've felt it know it's true
And cannot be denied
That the act of suicide
Is the most selfish thing one can do.

GOOD NIGHT KISS

When you kiss a lady sweet,
Be darn sure your breath is sweet.
Just barely on the first date.
For more it's best to wait.
Know when to quietly retreat.

Sometimes it's best to forsake it,
But if pleasing you can make it,
Then in her favor you will bask.
But never should you ask.
Much better is to just take it.

GNCC RACES

Since nothing was interfering
With our Snowshoe volunteering,
Our total for Fri and Sat
Was fifteen hours of that
In spite of my bad hearing.

The Grand National Cross Country race
Was at Snowshoe taking place.
It involved not any striders,
But beaucoup were the riders
Who filled up every space.

There were multiple races
In two different phases.
The rain, it never fails
To muddy up the trails,
But that slows not the aces.

Vehicles all terrain
Raced Saturday after the rain.
On Sunday the likes
Of motor-driven bikes
Ran the race again.

It was not at all a dud
Though they raced in part in mud.
And I know very well
That whenever the riders fell
It softened somewhat the thud.

The crowd they were expecting
Needed traffic directing.
There was no mountain biking
For those that sport are liking.
From drivers, sixty bucks collecting.

We did Snowshoe the favor
Of handing out the waivers,
And to visitors we gave maps,
Hoping that perhaps
The races they would savor.

Cars, trucks, vans and semis,
So many people -- gals, kids and guys!
They came for a good time,
And almost all the time
We had bright, sunny skies.

They came without cease,
And all signed the release.
And others, too, came through --
Home owners, employees, contractors too,
But not many police.

Kids, amateurs and pros,
The divisions were of those.
More folks, if you're countin'
Than ever on the mountain,
Excepting when it snows.

At fifteen dollars a head,
Viewers two thousand, it was said.
Few shows can match it,
Though we didn't watch it
But helped out instead.

Utility? These noisy rigs have none.
They only exist for fun.
To be deep into this hobby,
You need a high-pay jobby.
It surely costs some mon.

Four racers in it
Started every minute.
Twelve hundred drivers,
All hopefully survivors.
We wondered who would win it.

To go round and round
For ninety minutes all are bound
Or until they droop.
Four miles is the loop.
The way is easily found.

Timing is all automated
So victory can be celibrated.
The weather was inviting;
The races were exciting,
And every heart palpitated.

And Snowshoe threw a fine party
With celebration right hearty
And mutual endearing
With folks volunteering
And a musician, in a way, arty.

EXPANDING REPERTOIRIES

How many couples do it oral?
With variety it's hard to quarrel.
With repertoires expanding,
How many have done it standing?
And how many to their sorrow?

PRIVATE PLACES

I often wonder whether
Most couples shower together
And oft view each other nude,
And how many never are so lewd
As to reveal their delights nether?

How many do naked lap sits?
How many to them are opposites?
How many do the pelvic nuzzle?
How many with a crossword puzzle
Would rather test their wits?

Bare under-cover clinging
Conflicts not with upbringing.
But that's a different matter
Than, soaked with soapy water,
To be nude duet singing.

How many never discover,
Except by feeling under cover,
The secret hidden traces
Of the very private places
Of their own conjugal lover?

(Are you a person somewhat odd
If your loving spouse's bod
These years you've ever known
By feel and touch alone,
So help you, Almighty God?)

These parts, of course, a couple
Need not see to couple.
It doesn't prove their love's been cold
That they conceal them now they're old
And did when young and supple.

Perhaps, intimate though they are,
They wonder would they go too far
And what purpose would it serve
And would it the spouse deserve
Were they different than they are?

As long as they've been together
Joined as if by tether,
Though they used to couple oft,
'Twas never with their sheets off,
Not even in sultry weather.

If they showered in cahoots,
He and his loving toots,
Both in a steamy stall
For two persons quite too small,
They'd be in their swimming suits.

Could be, though, while one is no wise keen,
The other spouse is with envy green.
Or, in fact, they've not been coached
And neither has the subject broached
When peeking through the shower screen.

RAMCHANDRA KATUWAL

Some were large and some were small,
Twenty-five of them in all.
Yet, he didn't get the wearies
From marrying them in series,
Not this citizen of Nepal.

Perhaps he did not enthrall
The ones he can't recall
Or who with lovers ran away
After a brief curtailed stay
With this citizen of Nepal.

Why did so many run away?
What evil got into they?
Did each of them discover
A whole lot better lover?
For us, it's hard to say.

Yet, sharing a blissful life
With hardly any strife
And almost in seventh heaven
At anniversary seven
Are he and his current wife.

He's happy and satisfied
With Sharada at his side.
Since to tango it takes two,
We know she's happy too
To be his blushing bride.

He loves her as he oughta.
She could well be his daughter.
His praises to him she'd sung,
When she married while right young,
And up, it seems, he's brought her.