PRURITUS

There are many ills that bite us.
Itching is called pruritus.
It has no good cure,
And when it is severe
It really can ignite us.

Doctors are at a loss
As to this devil’s cause.
The mild is treated with antihistamine.
The severe is just too mean.
Nothing works that they’ve come across.

CATS Q, U, V, X, Y, AND Z

There is no Q cat.
And it's worse than that.
There's no way to skin it,
For no cat has Q in it.
Take my word for that.

There is no V cat
That anywhere has sat.
But wait just a minute,
If V need only be in it,
Javanese helps us with that.

There is no X cat.
I'm sorry about that.
But the rule we can again bend
With X on the rear end.
Let's use the Manx to do that.

There is no Y cat.
Can't find one lean or fat.
The rule let's yet again bend
With Y on the far end,
Using the Bombay for that.

There is no Z cat,
I can assure you of that.
Its the same story as Q.
There's just nothing to do
But to give up on that.

---------------------------------------------

There is no U cat
Sorry I am for that,
As sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
I give my word on that.

There is no V cat.
If there is, I'll eat my hat.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
My word is true on that.

There is no X cat.
Can't find one thin or fat.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
You have my word on that.

There is no Y cat
No matter where you're at.
I'm as sorry as I can be
About this anomaly.
You can be sure of that.

There is no Z cat.
I've looked hard for that.
I'm as sorry I as can be
About this anomaly.
My wife will vouch for that.

------------------------------

There is no U cat
No matter where you're at.
But the rule let us bend
With U on the back end.
The Egyptian Mau lets us do that.

OCELOT

The ocelot is the painted leopard.
With other cats compared,
It is of medium size.
About hunting it is wise
And for it well prepared.

TIGER

The tiger is a mighty cat.
Have no doubt of that.
It surely will amaze ya,
This cat that lives in Asia
(India and places such as that).

CRUISING TO L.A.

Long, straight, desolate and flat.
Well, most of it was like that
As, down to L. A. on I-5,
Cruising at seventy-five,
We in heavy traffic scat.

Gas stations were 35 miles apart.
Our planning was not so smart.
It was a real humdinger
How on empty we reached Coalinga.
You wouldn't call it art.

LION

The papa lion is the jungle king.
In Africa he does his thing.
He takes a lot of pride
In his lion pride,
But his lady does the hunting.

Africa is short on kangaroos.
So other meats the lion chews.
There are lions on the savanna.
If there are lions in Montana,
They're only in the zoos.

MOUNTAIN LION

North America's ferocious feline
Is a cougar and a mountain lion.
There also is a rumor
It's a panther and a puma.
About this I'd not be lying.

MAMMOTH

Our forbears used to hunt
This critter that was no runt.
Few creatures have been stronger,
But the mammoth lives no longer.
'Twas a cousin of the elephant.

POLECAT

As also does the owl,
At night it loves to prowl.
Sometimes called a polecat,
The skunk is not a cat,
And its spray is mighty foul.

BAHAMIAN GROMIA

Off Bahama's eastern shore,
Rolling along the ocean floor,
Slower even than snails,
Leaving distinctive trails,
Are creatures no on knew before.

In no hurry are they,
Moving one inch per day.
They're single-celled,
And they're self-propelled
In a most peculiar way.

They're spherical in shape.
So how do they escape,
These one-inch giant amoeba
Called Bahamian Gromia,
These delicate sea grapes?

Covered with ports,
They move by import and export.
Their fluid interiors
Contain resident bacteria
Which provide their support.

The news lines are buzzin'
'Cause they're seen by the dozen.
Like them, to roll
Might be the goal
Of their just-as-big cousins.

Their trails -- clearly they weren't
Just caused by the current.
How do we know?
If it were so,
They would be different.

And made, we are told,
Ere complex critters patrolled
Are trails exactly like these
Seen in rocks, if you please,
Five hundred million years old.

Scientists thought such a track
Requires a belly and a back.
Who could conceive of
A giant amoeba
With a rolling knack?

Now the scientists involved
Think perhaps the mystery is solved.
For the Gromia tends to persuade
That the ancient tracks were made
By a Gromia that revolved.

COLOR PERCEPTION

It now appears
That, as our little dears
Learn the color names,
The color perception game
Changes hemispheres.

VIET KIEU

Tiffany Nguyen is a Viet kieu.
People like her are quite a few.
Her parents fled the Viet Cong.
She found the Viet call so strong
She returned to the nam she never knew.

BIRD OF PARADISE

The bird of paradise
Is a flower rather nice.
If you have no other,
Give some to your mother.
As a gift they will suffice.

CAMPUS

Even for us old grandpas
It's pleasant on the campus.
We could stay there for hours
Among the trees and flowers,
Believing it will revamp us.

UNHAPPY VIEWERS

Unhappy folks watch more TV.
Whatever the causality,
Whether they watch because they’re sad,
Or whether watching makes them sad,
They don’t watch happily.

FREE EDUCATION

Because of charitable donations,
Free community college education.
This is a lucky stroke
For the youth of Roanoke
And a cause for celebration.

SPONTANEOUS PLAY

This is a verse spontaneous play concerning.
Advocates say "Play equals learning"
And kids will have fewer ills
And better social skills
When they're to more of it returning.

Yes, our children today
Get too little play.
With assorted ills
And reduced social skills,
For this they surely pay.

MALTHACE'S TOMB

Her bones are gone without a trace.
But since Netzer clearly is an ace,
I think it's safe to assume
He's indeed found the tomb
Of King Herod's wife, Malthace.

GLACIERS ON MARS

Based on scads of trusty data,
Folks have known the planet had it.
Newly found on Mars by radar
Are vast deposits of frozen water.
With a backhoe you could get at it.

This the orbiter did discover
Even though it cannot hover.
Its radar ground-penetrating
Sees the need for excavating
Up to thirty feet of rocky cover.

SEAN DUSINBERRE, HERO

While driving on the marge
Of a lake not so large
They skidded into the drink,
And awesome it is to think
Of how that dad took charge.

In no more than a trice
This father rescued twice.
Once his two sons were out,
Sadly his flame went out
In water cold as ice.

DRY HYDRANTS

Is there any reason why
Your hydrant might be dry?
Dry hydrants are not so nice,
Dry hydrants don't suffice
When flames are in the sky.

TRACHEA REPAIR

TRACHEA TRANSPLANT

With new windpipe, patient doing well.
“Twas grown from her own stem cells.
Trachea transplants are rare indeed.
Anti-rejection drugs she doesn’t need.
In Spain the lady dwells.

Well, I had no idea
Docs could grow a new trachea,
Using cells no wise embryonic
To solve a problem chronic
And from that problem free ya.

ONE PENNY OWING

The city was right keen,
Sent a letter sounding mean,
On her house threatening a lien.
As all of us are well knowing,
Such a thing is seldom seen
Over just one penny owing.

But citizens began to yelp,
And strangers came forth to help.
One said 'What the heck,
I'll write a one-cent check
Though this is rotten kelp.'

CHAD TOY

'I've had a conscience attack,
And that is why I'm back.
I am the runaway boy.
My name is Chad Toy
In case you have lost track.'

'I know this is a shock.
Behold, I stand and knock.
Because of my sin,
I'll come back in
If you'll unlock the lock.'

(Mr. Toy escaped and soon returned.)
Think you his conscience burned?
Or that for the jail he yearned?
By his sister he was persuaded.
For his safety she was concerned.
His love of freedom had not faded.

SAME GENE

Religion, politics, and government
Are to the same gene subservient.
People have their beliefs and views,
Which it's never of any use
Trying to change by argument.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL RUBES

It happens to football rubes.
Their futures go down the tubes.
For they major in eligibility,
Which is lacking in utility
After their football days it lubes.

GENERAL MOTORS

An emergency abrupt:
GM may go bankrupt!
The economy may dunk it.
Who would have thunk it?
Much would that disrupt.

HUNTINGTON'S HEALTH

Health in Huntington is right sorry,
Nation's worst in seven categories.
Fried and greasy is the food.
For exercise there's no mood.
Heavy smoking rounds out the story.

But folks don't seem to care,
And barely are they aware.
Facing the opposite of wealth,
About the state of their health
They do not despair.

A MIDDLING DAY

I walked five miles today,
Lifted weights down Altavista way,
Was obliged to decide
'Twas too cold to ride,
A middling exercise day.

CABINET

A cabinet of substance
Will give government a chance.
As Obama picks 'em,
Let's hope he'll nix 'em
If they would be sycophants.

ALTAVISTA'S YMCA

If you're wondering why
We love the Altavista Y,
It's a community center
As well as flab preventer
That helps to keep us spry.

I'D BE LOST

I'd be lost without my wife.
That would hardly be a life.
Who would cook and sew?
What I'd do, I don't know
Without domestic strife.

GEN. ANN DUNWOODY

Women have made general before,
But Dunwoody's stars are four.
Forsaking physical education,
She gave the Army her dedication
And her esprit de corps.

PARTY

It could be that your party
Will be a bit less hearty.
But, as a cheerful host,
Make of it the most,
And don't let sweets be tarty.

PATCH, PATCH, PATCH

Getting old involves a lot of patching
And problems for which to be watching.
There's no doubt about it.
But one good thing about it
Is that young ones then are hatching.

So while you're busy patching
There's good to be onto latching.
And for the young and higher strung
Whom you may be among,
This old stuff isn't catching.

CHANGE OF HEART

A man may prefer a woman's heart
When the subject romance is.
But if he knows survival chances,
He may have a change of heart
If the subject is change of heart.

THREE TREASURES FOUND

A chunk of metal bought as lead.
An ingot of silver it is instead.
Six kids brought it to the dealer.
Each, arrested as a stealer,
Uses a cot in jail cell as a bed.

This story does have its class:
A frozen form of natural gas,
Eighty-five trillion cubic feet of it,
Lies beneath the feet of it --
Land the North Slope does encompass.

Crafted of emerald, pearl and gold.
Priceless earring two-thousand years old.
As fine a jewel as ever was seen.
Uncovered in a structure Byzantine
Built centuries after the gem was sold.

PROSTATE CANCER (UPDATED)

Die of prostate cancer? Nay?
With yearly DRE and PSA,
It will be early caught.
If so, fear it not.
Good cures exist today.

Perhaps you'll need a biopsy.
It may reveal cells gone flopsy.
Will your doctor earn his wage
Versus the cure rate percentage?
He'll know at your autopsy.

The treatment for me attractive
Is implanted seeds radioactive.
My doc is pretty sure
It is a worthy cure,
But it isn't retroactive.

My prostate today he bloodied.
Its volume he had studied.
He had made it very clear
It was nothing I should fear.
That issue was never muddied.

MONOGAMY

If it were strictly up to you,
Would you marry quite a few?
What is your point of view?
Is monogamy monotony?
How many would be right for you
If all were winners of the lottery?

BAMJAN RE-EMERGES

Boy, eighteen, Nepalese
Re-emerges from the trees.
Did his year he bungle
By living in the jungle,
Would you tell me, please?

Was it with danger fraught?
Was it enlightenment he sought?
He's clearly skilled in survival.
I guess 'twas his contrival
To have lots of lofty thoughts.

THE LAST FOUR

Of millions, remain just these four
Who survived that terrible war
In which they so nobly served
And, on the flat of the Gaussian curve,
Have survived ninety long years more.

OBAMA THE WRITER

It is now becoming clear
Authors see him as a peer.
And we can a bit relax,
Knowing that mangled syntax
Is one thing we need not fear.

INTEGRATION

I can tell you this about integration.
It's the opposite of differentiation,
And, if you have the nerve,
The area under a curve
Can be measured with this operation.

RUSSIAN SUB ACCIDENT

Freon will not support a flame.
To humans it does the same.
Though there was no excuse
For Freon getting loose,
Freon gets the blame.

With air kits all were furnished.
Yet twenty persons perished.
'Twas a brand new ship
On its maiden trip.
Nothing aboard was tarnished.

SIX MARINES

At a motel out in the West,
Six marines were at their best.
Detecting a conflagration,
Without any hesitation,
They alerted every guest.

HALAL MARKET

The News & Advance again has shown
A Lynchburg business I had not known.
In the "City of Churches,"
Muslims can their meat purchase.
Unsaid is where it's grown.

SPRUCE

Of my bike making use,
I pedaled down to Spruce.
I saw concrete remnants there
And deposits left by bear.
Yet I saw nary a moose.

FAREWELL SARAH

She knew not Africa's continental status.
If from the news Sarah takes a hiatus
And we hear of her no more
Nor of the fine duds she wore,
It surely will elate us.

FOX ATTACK

One of Prescott's lady jocks
Had a run in with a fox.
The mile when it chewed her arm
(Meaning to do her harm)
Was faster than she ever clocks.

GOOD BUGS

While their coffee's perking,
Scientists now are working
On good probiotic bugs
Designed to fight bad bugs
That we know are lurking.

In the subject here, the bad bugs
Are not your dormitory bedbugs.
Meant by this are bacteria.
Probiotics they should be leery of
Once scientists work out the bugs.

BALLOT COUNTED

The ballot that he cast
Got in the count at last.
In getting to the root
Of this ballot box dispute,
I hope no one was sassed.

BLOODY TRAIL

From Switzerland comes this story
About a bloody trail right gory.
Police following it at their peril
Found an overturned blood barrel
In a covered lorry.

The officers were filled with fright
As they followed the trail by sight
(Not by their senses olfactory).
It was at a sausage factory
That its cause came to light.

TRESPASS

From Hempstead comes this tale.
Persuasion being of no avail,
Officers facing an impasse
Charged a man with trespass
For refusing to leave the jail.

Now he's an inmate in the jail,
Held there for lack of bail.
He had gone to the bother
Of paying a visit to his brother,
Another inmate in the jail.

CORONATION

Thursday is the coronation
In the Bhutan nation.
If you could, would you
Like to be in Thimphu
To join the celebration?

DON'T GLOAT OVER THE VOTE

No one now should gloat
Because of the vote.
It's time now for healing.
Long we've been dealing
With a campaign cutthroat.

DEATH ON TUESDAY

"Two die in wreck on Tuesday,"
Not all that slow a news day.
Driving at excessive speed
For which there was no need
Made it their big lose day.

THE AUTOBAHN

They call it the autobahn
'Cause speeding is there outdone.
The patrol is now two men larger
With HEMIs in their Chargers.
Most rigs they can outrun.

Speedsters on this road are many.
Were this road in Germany,
You could drive it for all that's in ya.
But that's not OK in Virginia --
No, not for driver any.

YOUR MRS.

Are you getting all the kisses
That you're needing from your Mrs.?
That you can't compel.
You have to treat her well
If you want to know what bliss is.

PROPOSAL

You've not answered my proposal.
Negative is my supposal.
Of course I hope I'm wrong,
But this hunch of mine is strong:
It went through your unit disposal.

KANGAROO PAW

Here's a flower on which I'm keen.
If this beauty you've never seen,
Well then, that's no wonder
'Cause it's mainly found down under
Where it blooms on Halloween.

MONEY

Money is of the same ilk
As is chocolate milk.
In my source referral,
I find it has no plural,
For it is a noun of bulk,

Yet it will be found
By those who check around
That, though it's kind of funny,
There's another kind of money
That is a counting noun.

OUT-TO-LUNCH ROADS

When you're driving, it helps a bunch
To know your road is out to lunch.
Out-to-lunch roads are hard to drive
Unless you have a four-wheel drive.
At least that is my hunch.

LOG CABIN FOUND

In a house that you own,
Abandoned and alone,
How often does it happen
That you find a log cabin
That no one you know had known?

BADDER IN NEVADA

One in five owe more than their homes are worth.
Though that's no cause for mirth,
The situation is much badder
Out yonder in Nevada
Where half are in that berth.

GOOD DEED

Ms. Mock, I must concede,
Did a very kind deed.
And she did it for
Ms. Tracy Orr,
A lady who was in need.

After this good deed,
Ms. Mock holds the deed
(The deed to the house).
Yet Orr still has her house
(Which fills her need).

ELECTORAL COLLEGE

Is it preordained by God
Who will get the nod?
To the best of my knowledge,
The Electoral College
At best is a little odd.