SWAP

The Romeros had the bird but kids preferred.
Ms. Greenwell had kids but preferred the bird.
So, to trade, they arranged a deal
That for both parties had appeal,
And they concluded it undeterred.

Well, you needn't be prophetic
To know this is hardly copacetic.
It was hardly any time
Ere all three were charged with crime,
And I'm hardly sympathetic.

TEETH

The shark always has teeth with which to chew.
When needed, it grows replacements new.
In some ways we're more advanced.
If our genetics were enhanced,
Maybe we could do that too.

Intended to help us in old age,
This project is in an early stage.
It's a trick we clearly need.
If it should somehow succeed,
It will be all the rage.


The Roanoke Times, 27 February 2009:

HEALTH

Finding the genes that make teeth grow

Scientists are working with a single gene they believe could be used to regenerate human teeth.

"Ever wonder why sharks get several rows of teeth and people only get one? Some geneticists did, and their discovery could spur work to help adults one day grow new teeth when their own wear out."

"A single gene appears to be in charge, preventing additional tooth formation in species destined for a limited set. When the scientists bred mice that lacked that gene, the rodents developed extra teeth next to their first molars -- backups like sharks and other nonmammals grow, University of Rochester scientists reported Thursday."

"Also intriguing: All the mice born without this gene, called Osr2, had cleft palates severe enough to kill. So better understanding of this gene mgiht play a role in efforts to prevent that birth defect, the Rochester team reported in the journal Science."

MARRIAGE

It's right hard to understand
Why this ad campaign was planned.
For we all know that marriage
Is an institute you can't disparage
And needs no government helping hand.


USA Today, 17 February 2009:

Federally funded ad campaign holds up value of marriage

"... the federal government is funding a $5 million national media campaign that launches this month, extolling the virtues of marriage for those ages 18 to 30."

"... The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, which is speerheading the campaign."

"The resource center, a federally funded virtual clearinghouse, works under an agreement with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Administration for Children and Families."

"Research suggests a bevy of benefits for those who marry, including better health, greater wealth and more happiness for the couple, and improved well-being for children."

"Some say the government has no business using tax dollars to promote marriage. But others say the campaign is just like those conducted by other federal agencies to encourage the use of seat belts and discourage drug use, smoking and drunken driving."

"With ads on social networking sites Facebook and MySpance, videos on YouTube, spots on radio talk shows, ads in magazines and public transportation and a new website (TwoOfUs.org), creators say the aim is to start a national converstaion about marriage."

ANTIQUE BILL

A hoodlum too young to vote
Tried to pass a note.
'Twas the thousand-dollar kind.
That put him in a bind.
Indeed, 'twas all she wrote.

STRENGTH TRAINING

As you age, your muscles wither.
You can't stop it by running hither and thither.
But running, yet and still, is smart
Because it helps your lungs and heart
As your muscles wither.

So run and bike and walk all day
As your muscles wither away.
But strength training don't bypass.
That's what grows your muscle mass.
At least that's what they say.

ALCOHOL & CANCER IN WOMEN

Cancer risk rises with moderate alcohol.
What it's in doesn't matter at all.
A study done in Britain
Found this is true in women
For cancers liver, breast and rectal.

But with moderate alcohol, they note,
With regard to mouth and throat,
Only in women who smoke tobacco
(A factor they kept track of)
Is cancer risk less remote.

UNICORN

The fabled Unicorn
Is a horse with a single horn.
A myth in totality,
This horse in reality
Has never yet been born.

ZEBRA

A critter like a donkey or a horse
Except with stripes, of course,
The Zebra lives in Kenya.
If you bother it, then ya
Get kicked with tremendous force!

RELIGIOUS BREAKAWAY

Kids in public schools across the state
On Bible study briefly concentrate.
Constitutionally this is all right
'Cause it's always done off-site
And church is kept apart from state.

PAINT

Here's a beautiful horse two-toned,
Powerful, hardy, smart, strong-boned.
Paints, we are told,
Were, in days of old,
By Indians and cowpokes owned.

ARABIAN

The Arabian has everything you need:
Courage, strength, stamina and speed.
These things are in its nature
As is its gentle, loving nature.
This is the ideal desert steed.

BUZZARD'S ROCK HIKE

A good hike we nine deserved.
We hiked in Read Mountain Preserve.
With its pauses to dilly-dally
And view the Roanoke Valley,
This hike our purpose served.

At the Buzzard's Rock outcrop
We made our major stop.
Though I don't know why,
From there Jim and I
Bushwhacked up to the top.

LIPIZZAN

Take with you this message:
Lipizzaners excel at dressage.
Don't pass up the chance
To watch this horsy dance.
You'll find it right impressive

QUEEN REANN

A well-known drag queen
In the nightclubs seen,
Her name is Reann.
She's played by Ryan
And is homecoming queen.

COURT MICE

Can exterminators not be found?
Are there none around?
A courthouse full of mice
Can't be very nice.
This problem is profound.

QUARTER HORSE

The Quarter Horse is right in style
For races of a quarter mile
And for handling cattle any place.
When you see it in a barrel race,
You will surely smile.

I wonder if, indeed,
The Quarter Horse is a breed.
Or is it just a type?
It gets a lot of hype
'Cause it has a lot of speed.

NEW STEAM LOCOMOTIVE

A mammoth undertaking,
Nineteen years in the making,
The culmination of a dream,
All for the love of steam,
An achievement history-making!

Painstakingly designed
With gentle folk in mind,
If you can imagine,
A gleaming new steam engine
Updated from a fifties kind!

Across the U.K. this wonder wanders,
Belching smoke and throwing cinders,
As steam lovers behind this engine new
Marvel at each majestic view
That passes by their windows!

BELGIAN

In weather warm or weather cold,
A draft horse as good as gold.
Though it rarely wears a saddle,
Its forebears strode into battle
Ridden by armored knights of old.

SHETLAND PONY

There is nothing phony
About a Shetland Pony.
Though it's small in stature
Even when it's mature,
You seldom see it bony.

BEHEADING

A man beheads his wife
With a kitchen knife.
Like the case at Tech,
He slices through her neck.
Was it domestic strife?

Or was this crime so chilling
Instead an honor killing?
She had filed for divorce
When he used lethal force
And her blood was spilling.

GERONIMO'S SKULL

A jury will over mull
A case about a skull.
Can his family prove it?
Did Princeton boys remove it
From a graveyard in Fort Sill?

It's the skull of Geronimo
Who died a hundred years ago.
Or did they merely fake it?
If they didn't take it,
Where did his skull go?

NO KISSING

When you reach the drop-off point,
Hugging and kissing have no point.
Better it is by far
To quickly leave your car
And dash into the station joint.

PHONE CALLS

Don't answer the telephone calls.
Important work it only stalls.
But don't let them go unanswered
Instead just have them transferred
To other workers' stalls.

PET FUNERAL HOME

We are your pet funeral source.
Rely on our caring work force.
We'll treat you pet's remains
The same as those of humans.
But don't bring in your horse.

HINNY

A Donkey can have a Hinny to nurse
Because its father is a horse.
A Hinny is not immense,
And, considering it comes whence,
It's a mule, but in reverse.

MULE

Long-eared and sure-footed is the Mule
And a hardy critter as a rule.
It can't continue feral
Because, you see, it's sterile.
But the mule is no one's fool.

DONKEY

The Donkey and Burro are the same.
Both have had their fame.
They're small but reliable.
You'll find them in the Bible
With a different name.

PERCHERON

The Percheron is a horse for farming.
It's gentle and no one harming.
The sources I've read say
It can trot a right long way.
Though it's big, it's charming.

THOROUGHBRED

This is the horse for derby racing.
It's sometimes used for foxes chasing.
This horse can run like crazy.
You'd never call it lazy.
But a broken leg it's sometimes facing.

CLYDESDALE

This huge horse is from the countryside
Near the Scottish River Clyde.
It's the horse that beer made famous.
If we love it, Busch can't blame us.
But it's hardly the horse to ride.

TENNESSEE WALKING HORSE

If you want a comfy ride,
This is the horse to ride.
You'll have no remorse
If you chose this horse
With its unique walking stride.

CAYUSE INDIAN PONY

'Twas any horse that met an Indian's need.
Yet there is a Cayuse breed.
Indians in the Northwest
Loved this horse the best.
It was their trusty steed.

ANIMAL LAW

Be it dog, cat or rooster,
It's a change we get used to.
A critter's not so uppity
As to vote or own property,
But has more rights than it used to.

BANGADI

They were under deadly threat.
N0 protection could they get.
They gathered all the arms they could.
Two attacks they withstood.
The rebels haven't come back yet.

PHILEMATOLOGY

Scientists are now assessing
Data no longer missing
In the branch of biology
Called philematology
(The science of kissing).

It seems that when we kiss
The stresser cortisol is doing this:
It decreases in women and in men
As the bonder ocytocin rises in men.
Its decline in women you wouldn't guess.

And, when love is the sentiment,
Holding hands, to a less extent,
Has the same effects.
When this science more data collects,
Will they merit the time and money spent?

GEORGE WASHINGTON

He saw us through the Revolution fuss
As we became Unum Epluribus.
And George showed how to prexy be.
The father of our country, he
Is America's Cincinnatus.

INDIAN JUSTICE

Indians get no speedy trials
In which to post denials.
And when they come at last,
They're over mighty fast --
Just five minutes with the smiles.

LOLLIPOP HIKE

From Petite's Gap Road
Into the woods we strode,
Taking the Sulfur Ridge Trail,
Then the Appalachian Trail,
Where white blazes serve as code.

As best I can recall,
It was largely horizontal
And the trail was fine.
So we hikers nine
Had no reason to stall.

So I'm proud to tell
That we did right well
And our poles applied
As from our side
The steep slopes fell.

At Sulfur Springs trail the second time
Doug decided that it was time
To take a different trail.
So we followed that horse trail,
And easy was its climb.

To our lunch spot 'twas like a bushwhack.
But of its name I shan't lose track
'Cause it's pretty hard to knock
A spot like Snow Sandwich Rock.*
Some day I may come back.

Being on a roll,
From five corners we stole
Up a short trail with logs.
But we saw no frogs
At the water hole.

The weather was fine.
Our miles were nine.
It was almost bliss.
A hike as great as this
You hardly can malign.

Bernie the Bard

* Name supplied by Laura Neale, who said snow fell on her sandwich during an earlier visit.

DIANE SCHOU

Green Bank is where the lady lives
'Cause she's electromagnetic sensitive.
Power over her life this wields.
When she's in electromagnetic fields,
Medical symptoms to her they give.

But they don't include the pox.
Diane loves her faraday box,
Sometimes sits in it for hours
Though there are no cell towers
To hurt her as she rocks.

ARCTIC RESOURCES

In the Arctic oil game
Russia plans to stake a claim.
Icebreakers they have got,
Which other states have not.
To take it is their aim.

GREEDY DAREDEVILS

There should be an humongous onus
With an humongous bankrupt bonus.
But the economy has been disheveled
By a pack of greedy daredevils
Who seem to think they own us.

HILLARY'S NET

Jim has Barrack's ear, you can bet.
Sue is in the Cabinet.
George has the Middle East.
Dick's fief is not the least.
How much has Hillary net?

Considering the net she gets,
Has Hillary now regrets?
She did it for Uncle Sam.
Then there's Joe and also Sam,
Whom I doubt that she forgets.

GRUESOME

Gruesome thing happened to a man:
Dragged seventeen miles 'neath a van.
It happened in New York City,
And it wasn't very pretty.
'Twas by accident not a plan.

NO HAWK DEFENSE

It seems to me a wrong immense
That against a hawk you've no defense
And must stand by while it devours
A beloved pet of yours
Within your back yard fence.

ULTRA-TV WATCHER

This guy's way of funning
Bespeaks a lack of cunning.
His thinking must be hazy.
He seems almost as crazy
As the folks in ultrarunning.

MISTRIAL

A murder trial was negated
'Cause thirteen jurors deliberated.
This is a mistake in procedure rare.
The sub made a counting error
While the bailiff smart vacated.

COTTON CANDY

Two men at this work handy
Report that cotton candy
Helps grow replacement tissue.
Blood vessel networks being the issue,
It works, in fact, just dandy.

FLU CORRELATION

A study has born fruit:
The correlation is a beaut --
As your grandma no doubt knew --
Between the spreading of the flu
And the humidity absolute.

TWO INJURED CRITTERS

Two critters are on the mend
After help from human friends.
And perhaps it's little wonder
That the critter helped down under
On further help depends.

A wounded doe the other day,
Seeming to have lost her way,
Walked into a store for pets.
Once her wound was sewn by vets,
No longer did she stay.

The koala was injured by the fire
And feared it might expire.
Its condition made it clear
To a human who was near
That his help was its desire.

The firefighter it can thank
That from his jug it drank.
Until wild living it can face,
It'll stay in a helpful place
That, no doubt, is first rank.

UNBAPTIZED BABIES

Unbaptized Belfast babes were parked
In an unholy mass grave unmarked.
Yes, it used to be that way,
But this is a different day,
An Irish priest remarked.

ARM LOST

To imprudence this is related.
A pump jack the teen investigated.
Trouble for him this move bought
When his arm in it got caught
And had to be amputated.

TEKAPO

They preserve the dark of night
To keep the milky way in sight.
Tourists from the world around
Come to this New Zealand town
That's so stingy with its light.

ULTIMATE MASTIFF (DOMESTIC)

Here's a massive dog that has no fears,
A gentle giant with droopy ears.
But drooling comes with it.
There's no way it can quit,
And its snoring would assault your ears.

DEVIL'S MARBLEYARD HIKE

We drove up Arnold's valley.
From Elk Creek forth we sallied.
We hiked up Belfast Trail
To its tee with Gunter Trail.
Five miles round trip we tallied.

Hikers we were eight,
And let me tell you straight
It was a right hard climb.
But we had a right good time,
For the day and views were great.

It could have been much colder.
The marbleyard is all rocks and boulders.
At rest now you'll find me.
This hike served to remind me
That I'm getting older.

XOLOITZCUINTLE (DOMESTIC)

It's sometimes hairless and sometimes coated.
Its big, bat-like ears should be noted.
It can be toy, miniature, or standard.
The Xolo's keen hearing is quite standard.
A broad skull is always toted.

ZUCHON (DOMESTIC)

The scraggly-haired Zuchon
Is commonly called the Shichon.
It's one of the cutest dogs I've found.
That it's a pleasure to have around
Is something that I'd bet on.

VISZLA (DOMESTIC)

Hungary is whence it came.
Hence its Hungarian name.
No doubt when its time is free
It likes to catch a Frisbee
Or play some other game.

LUCKY MOTORCYCLIST

As he was speeding on his route,
His hundre dollar bills fell out.
The wind blew them hither and yon.
He would have continued on,
Not knowing they were strewn about.

But a driver chased him down,
Told him, and he turned round.
And now he's celebrating
'Cause folks for him were waiting
To return bills of his they'd found.

The lucky son of a gun
Recovered every bill but one.
It wasn't quite a bankful,
But he is mighty thankful
To them for what they've done.

DESERT LOCUST

The desert locust is a loner
Except when full of seratonin.
A triple dose makes it swarm
And cause a lot of harm
As it eats what folks are ownin'.

OTTERHOUND (DOMESTIC)

When you hunt for otter
Together with your daughter,
Bring your Otterhound.
It knows that they are found
Where they can swim in water.

NORWEGIAN ELKHOUND (DOMESTIC)

With or without a bowl of milk,
This hound will hunt for elk.
Or, if you happen to prefer,
It will hunt, I'm pretty sure,
For other critters of their ilk.

GOOD NEIGHBORS

Taking a break from their labors,
The Amish helped their neighbors
So that they could still be warm
In the wake of the ice storm
And have at least a little light
While without their power and light.

MAUSTON MISCREANT

The leader of a religious sect
Said the lady would resurrect.
He sat her on a toilet seat
And thought it would be neat
Her pension to collect.

Mauston was once my hometown,
And it's where this crime went down.
Mauston hasn't had much fame,
And 'twill be a crying shame
If for this crime it's known.

PARASITIC BUTTERFLY

There is a butterfly so bright
It learned to be a parasite.
It uses chemical duplication
To cause misidentification
And take what is ants' by right.

CHACO CANYON CHOCOLATE

For a researcher it proved auspicious
That canyon folk left dirty dishes.
Because of that we know
That a thousand years ago
They had a chocolate snack delicious.

TITANOBOA

On crocodile-like beasts
It likely made its feasts.
Forty-five foot ancient snake
All serpent records breaks.
A ton it weighed at least.

MOTHER OF OCTUPLETS

With her, folks are disenchanted.
Fourteen kids from embryos implanted.
Whittier is where she's from,
This kid-loving single mom.
Her view she has not recanted.

SULLY'S BOOK

A man of exemplary ethics,
Sully lost a book on ethics.
With the plane it sank.
The library he can thank
For exemplary ethics.

MONGREL (DOMESTIC)

A Mongrel is an oddball mix.
Yet, to it I'd not say "nix."
Though it may not strut,
Even an ugly Mutt
Can do some clever tricks.

LEVITICUS

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BLOODHOUND (DOMESTIC)

This hound is great at tracking.
Its nose leaves nothing lacking.
Its coat is black and tan
Or else it's red and tan
And smooth even when it's snacking.

QUEEN ELIZABETH POCKET BEAGLE (DOMESTIC)

A Q dog is right hard to find.
Here's a Beagle of a special kind.
You'll find this pet is humble
And needs no rough and tumble.
A soft life it doesn't mind.

VITAMIN PILLS

Its to kids who don't need them
That their mothers feed them.
To kids whose diets aren't so hot,
Their mothers feed them not.
No doubt this does impede them.

FIELD SPANIEL (DOMESTIC)

I found this friendly Field Spaniel
In my concise canine manual.
As you can plainly see,
A precious pet is he,
This dog whose name is Daniel.

ICELANDIC SHEEPDOG (DOMESTIC)

If you're up in Iceland,
Which is no doubt a nice land,
And you're job is tending sheep,
Then this is the dog to keep
On that far north island.

NO PROBLEM

Do you say "You're welcome" quite a lot?
Would you take offense if I did not?
Do you have a major problem
With the rising of "No problem?"
Do you think class it hasn't got?

ABE LINCOLN

Scholars and average folk agree,
The greatest of them all was he.
For all of us are realizing
Abe kept us from balkanizing,
A feat of enormity.

Abe rose up from adversity
Through study, character, and ability.
He proved the American Dream
That here our good chances teem.
A most inspiring man was he.

FDR, though great he was,
Is not loved as well because
Him you couldn't always trust.
But Abe was always honest
Whatever the occasion was.

To all, I think it's clear
Abe was a race relations pioneer.
He was "The Great Emancipator."
Though it lost some luster later,
For this he was long held dear.

Lincoln things are all around,
His pennies, cars, logs renowned.
Cities, companies, and schools --
You could say they all are tools
To remind us of this man profound.

A man of mystery and paradox.
Abe was soft as fog and hard as rocks.
How did this man collect
So much courage and intellect?
Greatness needed sometimes knocks.

And everyone has heard
How skilled Abe was with words,
A master who built poetry
Into profound oratory
That has wonder in us stirred.

KANGAROO DOG (DOMESTIC)

As a hunter a real wonder,
The Roo Dog rarely makes a blunder.
Yet it's not so good at night
Because it hunts by sight
In the land down under.

ENGLISH SETTER (DOMESTIC)

The English Setter
Is a real go-getter.
It's happy with its hide.
Yet, if it's cold outside,
It might like a sweater.

WIRE FOX TERRIER (DOMESTIC)

You would be glad
If this dog you had.
It's wire-haired and strong,
And, though its face is long,
It's seldom sad.

HARRIER (DOMESTIC)

If you have a Terrier,
Why not get a Harrier?
Together they could play,
And, as people often say,
"The more the merrier!"

JET FUEL

Since crude oil is a limited resource,
We're developing a new jet fuel source.
This will change the equation
For commercial aviation
As well as for the Air Force.

COUNTRY LIVING

Forget cows at the manger.
Rural life has more danger.
That's on a basis per capita,
Summing these that can happen ta ya:
Traffic death and murder by a stranger.

It's important to mention
That rural drivers pay less attention.
The reason city death rates are lower
Is that folks in the city drive slower
Because of all that tension.

APOSTROPHE CATASTROPHE

It would mean a lot to me
To keep the apostrophe.
Yet I don't much care
'Cause I don't live there.
To drop it, they are free.