GOOD NEWS NETWORK

Through the Websites sifting,
Seeking articles uplifting,
Some of them she will find.
They are the only kind
She'll be to readers gifting.

The Roanoke Times, 21 March 2009:

Network focuses on all the good news that is fit to print

Geri Weis-Corbley, the operator of the Good News Network, spends her days posting reports of positivity.

“... a woman ... trawls the Internet for good news.”

“She operates the Good News Network, a portal for the globe's uplifting headlines ...”

“Weis-Corbley spends her days browsing for reports of positivity and posting them on the site. Her headlines from this week:”

Optimism boosts Florida housing market

Good Samaritans lift car from pinned puppy

Officer buys shoplifted sandwiches for homeless man”

BRAZILIAN GEOGRAPHY

GOEGRAPHY TEXT

This Brazilian geography text
Is much less than one expects.
Ecuador has been dropped,
Uruguay with Paraguay swapped.
Of correctness there is no pretext.


The Roanoke Times, 20 March 2009:

Textbook's incompetence knows no boundaries

“RIO De JANEIRO – Where's Ecuador? Better not ask that question in Brazil.”

“A new Brazilian geography textbook for sixth-grade students doesn't even include the South American country on the map.”

“In fact, the book distributed by the education ministry in Brazil's most populous state botches the location of most of Brazil's neighbors. Paraguay is switched with Uruguay, and a second “new” Paraguay is shown with a coastline at the southern tip of Brazil.”

“Bolivia is fortunate enough to appear on the map, but the book misses its border with Paraguay – the Paraguay that sits where Uruguay should be, that is.”

LUCKY DAY 5K

The morning was rather cool
At James River Day School
When over the course hell bent
A hundred of us went,
Burning many a joule.

ROBBERY

Right after the jewelry store was robbed,
The thieves themselves were robbed.
Next, we're told, ensued a chase.
Arrested, four men charges face.
But police have yet to finish their job.


The Roanoke Times, 20 March 2009:

WISCONSIN

Robbers become victims after jewely store heist

"MILWAUKEE -- Two robbers leaving a Milwaukee jewelry store with cash and gems didn't get far with the loot -- another group of thieves robbed them as the pair left the crime scene."

"Police Lt. Thomas Welch said a fight broke out in the street Wednesday before the groups got in vehicles and a chase ensued."

"Welch said officers pulled ovr both vehicles and arrested four people, including the original two robbers, ages 40 and 31, and two men from the second group, ages 22 and 27. All foure ar from Illinois."

"But he said police didn't recover any cash or jewely and are searching for more suspects."

"No estimate was available of the value of the stolen items."

ALIMONY FOR A COUNTESS

For her ex it will be tough.
53K per week is not enough.
The countess has no income.
She expects enough him from
To pay for all her stuff.

USA Today, 19 March 2009:

Divorcing wife says $43M not enough

"HARTFORD, Conn. -- A Swedish countess who's divorcing an American former CEO says she cannot live on $43 million."

"Marie Douglas-David, 36, a former investment banker, says she has no income and needs her husband, George David, 67, to pay her more than $53,000 a week to cover her expenses."

"David stepped down last year as chief executive at Hartford-based United Technologies. He is still chariman of the board however, and has an estimated net worth of $329 million."

"David and Douglas-David married in 2002, but the marriage was in trouble in 2004, court papers say."

"Amid a series of reconciliations, the couple signed a post-nuptial agreement in October 2005 that would give her $43 when they divorce."

"Douglas-David wants the agreement voided. ... She's asking for about $100 mikllion in cash and stock, plus $130,000 a month in alimony."

"David is asking a judge to uphold the agreement."

"Douglas-David has filed court papers saying she has more than $53,800 in weekly expenses, including maintaining a Park Avenue apartment and three residences in Sweden. Also among her weekly expenses: $700 for limousine service, $4,500 for clothes, $1,000 for hair and skin treatments, $!,500 for restaurants and entertainment, and $8,000 for travel."

BIKE PLAN

Region 2000 planners have a plan
To make cycling safer if they can.
And, just as they've requested,
Ideas have been suggested
To improve their bicycle plan.


The News & Advance, 18 March 2009:

Pedaling safety

"A meeting to plan bicycle routes on Lunchburg-area roads produced boh suggested routes and comments about safety and tolerance Tuesday at the Forest Public Library."

"In a room full of maps showing the roads most popular -- or likely to become po9pular -- among cyclists, Kelly Hitchcock of the Region 2000 planning staff told about 20 people to mark them up with their favorite distinations."

"Hitchcock said the Region 2000 Bicycle Plan needs updating to promote bicycling as safe and effective transportation. The organization's original plan, developed nine years ago, hasn't evolved since VDOT adotped standards in 2004 to guide it in providing bicycle features such as more room on shoulders."

"Many people at the meeting said features such as signs could help make motorsits aware that the increasing numbers of cyclists are legally entitled to be on the road."

"'Id'd like to see 'Share the Road' signs along Lynchburg streets,' Rivers said. 'I see them in Nelson COunty and Charlottesville, but not here.'"

Region 2000 comprises the city of Lynchburg and its neighboring counties of Bedford, Campbell, Appomattox, and Amherst.

A DIGNIFIED FUNERAL

A dignified, respectable funeral
Is a right that should be universal.
This principal was of late applied
To a teen whose right was denied
When she died in a time medieval.

It's likely she was dead
Before she lost her head.
To heaven you could not be delivered
If your head was from your body severed.
(This is dogma that they were fed.)

OLD INK

No matter if it's cold or warm,
In old ink there is no harm.
Although it may be said
To contain a trace of lead,
This is a false alarm.

DIMINUTIVE DINO

On meat it was a diner.
Cousins it had in China.
The discovery, I surmise,
Of this dino chicken-size
Was not exactly minor.

DON'T BE A DUMMY

When driving with your dummy,
Don't, like this guy, be a dummy.
No matter if he's fat or svelte,
Be sure to buckle his seat belt
Securely around his tummy.

GARDENERS

Many folks who are able
Now grow veggies for their table.
Burpee has run out of seeds
To fill these gardeners' needs
For home-grown vegetables.

ROBIN HOOD

What kind of medieval hood
Was the real Robin Hood?
His legend we all know.
But one might wonder, though,
If he did an ounce of good.

HIDDEN CAT

Puzzling was its plaintive song.
And yet it wasn't very strong.
She had bought an old used sofa,
And the cat, a hidden loafer,
With it had come along.

GIFTS FOR GULU

The day was cold and dampus
When we ran the LC campus.
I mean it was a lulu
When we ran Gifts for Gulu.
And yet, it didn't cramp us.

DRUG MONEY

Money found in ditch,
Shared with friends not rich.
Brief elation.
Police confiscation.
Drug money. That's the glitch.

FANTASY OR MEN OF WAR?

Superman or Simon Bolivar?
Fantasy or men of war?
The toys you give
Depend on where you live
As well as who you are.

NIAGRA PLUNGE

Though he tried hard at suicide,
The man hasn't quite yet died.
He was seen jumping into the falls
And rescued below the falls
After a wild, icy Niagara ride.

Wanting to stay with the fishes,
He was rescued against his wishes.
The rescuers were determined,
And his escape they undermined
With their rescue plan ambitious.

BLOOD CONTRACT

Their contract was written in blood,
But that didn't make it good.
It was not a valid contract
Because consideration it lacked,
As the judge so clearly understood.

TARANTULA

That's a huge, hairy lady spider
On the face of Lady Snyder!
Yet Ms. Snyder makes it clear
She sees no need for fear
And is planning to abide her.

So don't touch it with your ruler.
It's just a tarantula --
Just a big arachnid
And one that she has bid
To come in where it's cooler.

NEAR MISS

An asteroid has by us whizzed.
It's a good thing us it missed.
I think it's understood
It wouldn't have been so good
Had we by it been kissed.

'ROO IN ROOM

A 'roo in your room
Can ruin your room,
And, if it is perverse,
It can do even worse,
It's safe to assume.

This 'roo dripped blood on the floor
While it was forced out the door.
The householder right plucky
Was scratched and yet lucky
That the damage was not more.

SHIPPING ERROR

To the pet shop it was no favor
That they received a cadaver --
Contrary to their wish
While their tankful of fish
Went to a different receiver.

JOB OPENING

Seven hundred applicants for
The job of janitor!
Seven hundred resumes to peruse!
How many interviews
To decide who will sweep the floor?

What procedures will you use
To decide whom to choose?
How many man hours will it take
To decide who gets the break?
It surely is good news!

What of those who overqualify?
Will you rank them high?
What if they have skills galore,
But, to the job of janitor,
You're not so sure they apply?

E-CIGARETTES

Cigarettes are being imitated
By a machine that's been created.
This little machine is not a joke.
With nicotine and ersatz smoke,
It's highly sophisticated.

MANNERS

It's been decided by the planners
That the clerks will learn some manners.
This will be welcome news
To the folks who buy the booze.
"Thank you" will be standard.

DON'T BE SILLY

Coach Loy's race was a dilly
On that Goode course hilly.
Perfect was the weather.
Did we all come in together?
Don't be silly!

CHIN STRAP PENGUIN

How would you begin
To describe this penguin?
I'm sure you wouldn't fail
To mention its bushy tail
And the strap around its chin.

FLAT TOP HIKE

Hikers we were eleven
Who hiked up to seventh heaven.
It's there on Flat Top's top,
And it's where we made our stop
To eat snacks that we'd been cravin'.

And we chatted with one another,
Noting that, up one side and down the other,
The four and a half miles of trail
(No problem since we're so hale)
Is clearly worth the bother.

NOT SUNSHINE

If I were this girl of nine,
It would be a gripe of mine
That the church tried to block my escape
From pregnancy due to rape.
This is not sunshine.

VLADIMIR HEAVY DRAFT

This draft horse is proud to be Russian
And, I guess, happy when it's rushin',
For it's said to fill a need
For "rather high speed."
Many a fine draft horse is its cousin.

DESPERATE PLEA

Principal pled on her marquee:
'Out of money and sad are we.
Your help we will appreciate
If supplies to us you donate.'
Public responded generously.

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

He slept with his foot on the brake.
Honking horns his slumber could not shake.
For six cycles the drunk was stalled.
To the stop light cops were called,
His DUI arrest to make.

WELSH PONY

From the hills and valleys of Wales
Came this cob whose endurance never fails.
It will gladly work for you,
And it's smart and gentle too.
Would you like to know more details?

XILINGOL

It's a draft horse of Inner Mongolia.
Yet on its back it will carry ya.
It's the only X horse that I know.
Nothing else about it do I know,
Nor have I its photo to show to ya.

YAKUT

In days and nights of old,
Living out in the cold,
This horse survived Siberia
And would've had fear of ya
Had you there patrolled.

MIRDLE

Men too fat to jump a hurdle
Perhaps would buy a mirdle.
Such men around are sittin'.
Perhaps right now in Britain
The ground for this is fertile.

PORKY SMELL?

What makes swine so badly smell?
There must be a way to tell.
They'll probe this awful stink,
But there are some who think
This has a porky smell.

EYE FOR EYE

For this he'd best prepare.
It seems to me it's fair
(An eye for an eye).
But he'll only lose one eye.
(A woman is a less-than-equal player.)

RACKING HORSE

This horse packs a lot of wallop,
But it has no canter gallop.
Instead it does the rack.
A definition for that I lack,
But it's smooth like an ice cream dollop.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HORSE

It's from Kentucky, not the Rockies.
You needn't be a jockey
To love this gentle horse
Even though, like any horse,
It's prone to drop horse hockey.

ORLOV TROTTER

Russia is the Orlov's map position.
With its suitable disposition
And quite sufficient force,
It's widely used as a draft horse
And for pleasure and competition.

OB

You don't need the patience of Job
To get work from an Ob.
With hay and oats as pay,
'Twill work for you all day.
And it likes corn on the cob.


The Ob is a rare draft pony found in western Siberia. The Internet source is searching for photos of it.

NATIONAL SHOW HORSE

For high stepping it is known.
Other skills it may have honed.
It loves to do its duty
Which is to show its beauty
Whenever it is shown.

PET SCANS

If you have a cancer,
PET may be a cure enhancer.
Is it gobbling up your blood sugar?
PET may look inside the bugger
And give your doc the answer.

ZAK

At home in California, Zak is back
'Cause Nebraska friends looked out for Zak.
The truck wreck gave him but a scratch,
But for Zak it was a slippery patch
When his master died of heart attack.

KERRY BOG PONY

Not much bigger than a hog,
This pony worked the Irish bog.
Till its day was complete,
As it brought out the peat,
Through the bog it used to slog.

LU'S GUN DECISION

If, when you handed out their grades,
Pupils differed with what they'd made
And if they happened to be armed,
Would you be alarmed?
Would you be afraid?

BHUTAN

Paro, Punakha and Thimphu,
These places we will go to.
Imagine, if you can,
A visit to Bhutan
With its Himalayan views!

JUTLAND

This is a horse of Denmark,
And let me just remark
That Jutlands pull beer wagons
Down the streets of Copenhagen
But not when it is dark.

PREHISTORIC FISH BRAIN

Now we are apprised
Of a fish brain fossilized.
Three hundred million years old,
Much better it is than gold
To scientists surprised.


The Roanoke Times, 3 March 2009:

Oldest fossilized brain found in fish from Midwest

"A 300 million-year-old fossilized brain has been discovered by researchers sudying a type of fish that once lived in what is now Kansas and Oklahoma."

"'Fossilized brains are unusual, and this is by far the oldest known example,' said John Maisey, curator in the division of paleontology at the American Museum of Natural History in New York."

"'Soft tissue has fossilized in the past, but it is usually muscle and organs like kidneys,' Maisey said in a statement."

"Maisey and co-authors report ... that the brain was discovered in a fossilized iniopterygian from Kansas, which they had sent for scanning at the European Synchrotron Radiation Facility in Grenoble, France."

"Iniopterygians are extinct relatives of modern ratfishes, also known as ghost sharks."

IRISH DRAFT

Not as big as its name suggests,
It passes pulling and riding tests.
I assume, of course,
That, like any horse,
This one needs some rests.

GALICENO

You're sure to love the gentle Galiceno,
A bright, alert small horse from Mexico.
Its running-walk is not tiring.
Its agility, speed, and stamina I'm admiring.
A better horse for kids I don't know.

FRIESIAN

This long-tailed horse you can't disparage
When the task is pulling a carriage.
For trotting it has a knack.
The Friesian is always black
Whatever be its age.

ANCIENT TOOLS FOUND

Ancient butchers' tools sophisticated
From a Boulder yard were excavated.
Thirteen millenia have come and gone
Since Clovis people cached these tools of stone.
To a museum most will be donated.


The Roanoke Times, 27 February 2009:

13,000-year-old tools unearthed in front yard of Colorado home

They were burried by the Clovis people, ice age hnter-gatherers who still are very much a mystery.

"DENVER -- Landscapers were digging a hole for a fish pond in the front yard of a Boulder home in May when they heard a 'chink' that didn't sound right."

"Just some lost tools. Some 13,00-year-old lost tools."

"They had stumbled onto a cache of more than 83 ancient tools buried by the Clovis people -- ice age hunter-gatherers who remain a puzzle to anthropologists. The home owner, Patrick Mahaffy, thought they were only a century or two old before contacting researchers at the University of Colorado-Boulder."

"'My jaw just dropped,' said CU anthropologist Douglas Bamforth, who is leading a study of the find. 'Boulder is a densely populated area. And in the midst of all that to find this cache.'"

"The cache is one of only a handful of Clovis-age artifacts uncovered in North America, Bamforth said. The tools reveal an unexpected level of sophistication, Bamforth said, describing the design as 'unneccessarily complicated,' artistic and utilitarian at the same time."

"What researchers found on the tools also was significant. Biochemical analysis of blood and other protein residue revealed the tools were used to butcher camels, horses, sheep and bears."

"The cache was buried 18 inches deep ... The tools were most likely wrapped in a skin that deriorated over time, Mahaffy said."

"'The kind of stone that's present -- the kind that flakes to a good sharp edge -- isn't widely available in this part of Colorado. It looks like they were storing material because they knew they would need it later,' Bamforth said. He believes the tools had been untouched since the owners placed them there for storage."

"Mahaffy wants to donate most of the tools to a museum but plans to rebury a few of them in his yard."

"'These tools have been associated with these people and this land for 13,000 years,' he said. 'I would like some of these tools to stay where they belong.'"

EXMOOR PONY

This pony breed, I am told,
Is very rare and very old.
This great jumper, let me note,
In winter wears a double coat
To withstand the rain and cold.

BULLET HOLES FOUND LATE

Medicines were near his bed.
"Natural causes" they had said.
The mortician was right surprised
It had not been realized
That bullet holes were in his head.

HOMINID FOOTPRINTS

A fabulous fortuitous find
Of the hominid footprint kind
A million and a half years old!
And its arch and toes, we're told,
Were quite like ours designed.

D.C. CONGRESSIONAL VOTE

D.C. folks really care,
And it seems only fair
That they have a Congressional vote.
While it's coming to them, we note,
With the Constitution it doesn't square.


USA Today, 27 February 2009:

For D.C., getting vote is 'a respect thing'

Senate bill would grant seat in House

"... District of Columbia residents have never had what Americans in all 50 states do: A voting member of Congress."

"Resentment over their exclusion could soon fade as Congress moves closer to giving the district its first full seat in the House of Representatives. The bill, which President Obama has said he will sign into law if it reaches him, puts the city of 600,000 on the cusp of historic change."

"District residents have been fighting for voting rights since 1801, when Congress took control of the newly created capital. It wasn't unil 1964 that residents were able to cast presidential ballots, and it took nearly another decade for Congress to pass the Home Rule Act, allowing for the direct election of the mayor and other city officials."

"Although the district has elected a representative since the 1970s, that House delegate can vote only in committees."

"Hopes for a true spot in the people's chamber soared Thursday when the Senate overwhelmingly passed a bill that would expand the 435-member House by two seats. The bill, like one senators killed two years ago, would give the district a vote on the House floor beginning in January 2011. To offset the likely election of a Democrat, the bill would add a fourth seat for predominately Republican Utah, which narrowly missed out on an extra spot after the 2000 Census."

"Even with growing support, some senators and scholars have pointed out that Washington is a city and the U.S. Constitution says the House should consist of members chosen 'by people of the several states.'"

"George Washington Univesity law professor Jonathan Turley insists the bill is 'flagrantly unconstitutional' and ultimately doomed."

"'What these (lawmakers) are doing is extremely dangerous and destabilizing for our system of government,' Turley said."