CHILLY RUN

Rolled out of bed right early
Lest my wife later be surly.
Put on a third shirt,
Thinking it hardly could hurt.
Went out and started my run
Well before the rising of the sun.
With insufficient warning,
A chill had come before morning.
Though I think I'm no bumpkin,
Was surprised to find frost on the pumpkin.
The temp I had wrongly assessed
And was a little too lightly dressed.
Didn't consider turning back,
For courage I didn't lack,
Knowing cold you can face
If you keep up a good pace.
Light gloves, no hat, no tights
Would quite serve me alright.
Barely warm enough on arms and torso.
Wished some other parts were more so.
Got cold beyond the wrists,
But fingers survived by making fists.
Ears got cold after a mile.
Legs warmed up after a while.
Few cars to be seen on the street.
Rubbed ears to bring them some heat.
On the trail it was right lonely,
And bare legs mine were the only.
Put a glove on a private part
When it started to smart.
Double duty that glove served,
Half its time for my hand reserved.
Though the chill did not my style cramp,
My shirts became but a tiny bit damp.
Not one shirt did I doff.
A sunny day was starting off
When to finish I was glad,
Though it really hadn't been bad.

REGIONAL IRON HORSE TRAIL

Included in my Alamo jogging course
Is the Regional Trail Iron Horse.
It's long and straight and flat and boring.
But instead of streets exploring,
I use this paved resource.

It's here that many locals jog
And many a lady walks her dog.
On this former path for locomotives
There is no traffic automotive,
Nor is there any smog.

GET OUT THAT DOOR

When the weather is cold or poor
And your muscles are a little sore,
By far the hardest part
Is at the very start --
Getting out through that door.

A good run is out there in store.
So, running friends, I implore,
Think of the runs you've had
That weren't all that bad
Once you got out that door.

You've got the gumption
For running resumption.
Call up gumption more
To pass through that door.
It won't cause consumption.

This you've done before.
This you can do once more.
Though your legs be gimpy,
Don't you be too wimpy
To get on out that door!

THROUGH THE WALL

Can you recall
Hearing your parents crawl?
How were your construing
What they were doing
When you listened through the wall?

MOTHER OR DAUGHTER

Of course the daughter would be stronger
And would last somewhat longer.
But I don't thinks I could loose
Whichever I might choose
If I didn't wrong her.

LADIES' LEGS

Lovely ladies' legs I admire.

They oft set my heart on fire.

While boobs are always covered,
Legs are oft discovered,
Depending on attire.

THE WEALTHY

Of wealth some folks have quite a bit.
In but one room at a time can they sit.
This is a problem they have to face.
But they can wear a million-dollar necklace
As in their room they sit.

GROWING OLD

Growing old is hard to get used to.
You're not doing as well as you used to.
But you're doing better than you will
As you skid further down the hill.
Thus spake Zarathustra.

SUDDEN SAD ENDINGS

On this in life you can depend:
Sometimes as you round a bend,
Something that to you is dear
That contributes to your cheer
Is suddenly at its end.

It can happen in any season
And indeed for sundry reasons.
You're in the middle of a yawn
When without warning gone
Is something very pleasin'.

When you reflect upon
This that you can count on,
When this happens to you,
Clearly what you must do
Is somehow continue on.

SLED DOGS

Malamute and husky, male and bitch
Can flip a magic switch
When they're several hours out
And then run faster, it turns out,
Than when they started in the sled dog hitch.

MORAY EEL

Helper jaws has the moray eel
In its throat they are concealed.
When it's in the mood
To load up with food
They help the eel a great deal.

SET A GOAL

There's no substitute for
Having a goal to shoot for.
If you improve instead of worsen,
You may become a person
Folks would like to root for.

When in a training plan you enroll,
Set yourself a worthy goal.
Maybe you will break it.
If you do not make it,
Try yourself to console.

Once you've duly set it,
Don't you then forget it.
If somehow you miss it
And goodbye have to kiss it,
I sure won't say "Don't sweat it."

DAILY EXERCISE

Runners know while others maybe don't.
Runners will while others maybe won't.
But everyone would be wise
To daily exercise.
The evidence has, beyond maybe, shown it.

TOYS

There are plenty of adult toys
For well-off girls and boys,
Like motorcycles, ATVs, motorboats and jeeps,
Sailboats and airplanes, costing heaps,
All designed to bring folks joys.

Other toys, too, are trendy,
Which may be less expendy,
Like skis, bikes, skates, bows, clubs and canoes.
Since these take muscle to use,
I find their use commendy.

CHILI COOKOFF

I don't think you should scoff
At Snowshoe's chili cookoff.
If you're fond of chili,
Consume it till you're silly
Ere your bib you doff.

JEEP RALLY

Six score jeeps the tally
At the Snowshoe jeep rally.
Owners will tell their tales
Of driving mountain trails
High above the valley.

SARAH PALIN

With the election three years out,
Sarah, fighting, is coming out,
This gal who hasn't got
A prayer of a shot
And is now a job without.

SPOUSAL ARGUMENTS

To get along we try,
My dear wife and I.
About the important we seldom do,
But about the trivial we often argue,
For we don't see eye-to-eye.

PATHETIC

Though I huffle
And I puffle,
I could have more fun
If I could really run.
But I can only shuffle.

Can one still be athletic
When one's running is pathetic?
To me it's very plain
That, should I make a lot of gain,
I could still be right pathetic.

HOOP HOLE HIKE

Way up in County Botetourt
Where the James slenders down a lot,
The outlook was far from bleak
As we set out up Stony Creek
On a summer day not too hot.

Steep at times was that ascent,
But we were not hell bent.
Creek crossings, they were rife,
And we observed plant life
As slowly up we went.

Laura's pace suits me to a tee.
Slower uphill she is than T.
Not going hell for leather,
We oft took a breather
But didn't sit down for tea.

From the creek we veered away,
Found Pine Mountain Trail right away.
The six in our parade
Were always in the shade
On a lovely day.

For a long way 'twas mostly level.
Then left, uphill, steep the bevel.
And more uphill quite a bunch
Till we stopped for lunch
Just a bit disheveled.

This seemed to be the summit.
Frisky still? Far from it.
I sat there stiff.
There was no cliff
Where one might plummet.

We could scarcely see out.
Blueberries were all about,
But they were all green.
Some service berries were seen,
And laurel blossoms were still out.

From there, of course, we went down,
Though sometimes up to go down.
It was ten till five
When we began our long drive
Back to town.

Forgive that about this I may brag:
For the last mile, where a hiker could sag,
Since important we consider,
Robert and I, the removal of litter,
A huge tattered tarpaulin we dragged.

TRAINING

Let me be refraining
That it all depends on training.
If you would shine on race day,
In training you'll have to pay.
This hardly needs explaining.

In the race you'll be straining
While fatigue on you is gaining
And, though you start pell-mell,
You won't do so well
If you've been lax in training.

It all depends on training
And you shouldn't be complaining
When you fail to do your best
If you always take a rest
On days when it is raining.

Conversely, I'm maintaining,
You'll be beyond restraining
And running at least as good
As you think you should
After the best of training.

"The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses -- behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights." Muhammad Ali

B&W'S NEW REACTOR

On modular they've placed their bet
And that nuc will thrive one day yet.
Stored underground is all spent fuel.
Reactor uses air to cool.
(This one isn't wet.)

MOVIE IN RIYADH

There was a movie show in Riyadh.

It was for children and for dads.

Women weren't allowed to go.

It was the only movie show

In thirty years they've had.

BEN BERNANKE

I must say I'm thanky
That we have Ben Bernanke.
The problem he understands
And the actions it demands,
Which tend to make us cranky.

Ben Bernanke, Chairman 0f the Federal Reserve, was interviewed on "60 Minutes" Sunday evening. He is an expert on the Great Depression. I am convinced he is the right man for his job and well understands in a timely manner what's happening. The astronomical bailouts are a bitter pill, but I'm convinced Dr. Bernanke knows what is required to correct our economic crisis. I think we are fortunate to have him in his position at this time.

I understand Bernanke's house-burning-next-door analogy. We might like to just let a giant company like AIG fail for it's foolishness, but to save ourselves we have to put out the fire next door.

T. ROOSEVELT LECTURE

Saturday at the White Hart
A lecture was delivered with heart.
And we were the lucky receivers
Of the info that Robert Weaver
Came there to impart.

Weaver is a librarian at LU,
And I'm here to tell you
He is very good
At making understood
T.R., born in a top crust millieu.

This much recall I can:
T. Roosevelt was an exceptional man.
His character had appeal.
For everyone he wanted a square deal,
And assuring it was his plan.

INKLING

I really had no inkling
That we've a store named Inkling.
It has books for people smart.
It's next door to White Hart,
Which has a proper place for tinkling.

MALE PENGUIN PAIR

Neither could conceive (oh, boo hoo!)
Since one was male and the other one too.
So they applied for adoption,
That being their only option,
This penguin pair in a zoo.

A GOLDEN CATCH

Have you ever had the wish

To someday catch a fish

With a gold watch inside?

Well, unless he lied,

This man caught that fish!

LONE JOGGER AND THE MMTR

Old and slow but not a goner,
I do my jogging as a loner.
(To jog, I don't join others.
Can't keep up, so why bother?)
But I am, for sure, a honer.

And, running friends, beware.
I just might tortoise your hare
If the run goes as far
As does the MMTR.
I hope to see you there.

Eleven and fifty-nine
Will suit me just fine.
Diligently I'll pursue it.
Just maybe I can do it
If no injuries undermine.

If I finish that one, baby,
'Twill be a miracle maybe.
But 'twill be no accident
Considering the training spent
And that I am nowhere flabby.

LAUGHTER LIKENESS

A common ancestor they and we take after
Since there's a likeness in our laughters.
It's in the tickle tapes
Of people and great apes.
Have we, too, a common hereafter?

CONJUGAL DEPRESSION

Given a husband and wife,
One of them with depression rife,
Now we understand
The wife can catch it from the husband
But not the husband from the wife.

PERFECT ATTENDANCE

Got to school, stayed all day.
Never missed a day.
Credit strong will
And the Tylenol pill
For thirteen years that way.

BRAIN GAIN FROM EXERCISE

Not only the body but the brain
From physical exercise can gain.
Gray matter can linger longer;
Synapses can get stronger
And attention more slowly wane.

It's the AARP who says
It helps in numerous ways.
Even if you're past your prime,
Exercise is worth the time
And big dividends it pays.

The last paragraph of a short article posted on a bulletin board in the Altavista YMCA Fitness Center:

"According to previous studies and the AARP, exercise can help the brain in a number of ways, including improving concentration and attention, reducing gray-matter loss, promoting neurogenesis, enhancing blood flow and strengthening synapses."

COMPASSION TO THE THIEF

The store owner felt relief
That he hadn't come to grief.
Under the circumstance
He took advantage of the chance
To show compassion to the thief.

COCAINE SUITCASES

'Twas a clever use of brain
For the smuggler's intended gain.
Where did the contraband lurk
In this ruse that didn't work?
The suitcases were made of cocaine.

BITTERNESS DISORDER

It's post-traumatic embitterment disorder
If calling it a disease is in order.
You've known some victims for sure.
As for effecting a cure,
That's a pretty tall order.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

OLDER-ADULT INACTIVITY SYNDROME

For an older adult, being inactive
Has consequences quite unattractive.
They are reasons for incentive.
It's best to be preventive.
It's hard to be corrective.

It's a long and scary list
Of ills to not lightly be dismissed.
When you're no longer young and strapping,
These things to you can happen
If in inactivity you persist.

NADIR SHAH

The Mughals were by then a weaker bunch,
Somewhat out to lunch
And heading for their nadir,
When along came Shah Nadir.
On their empire he meant to munch.

He slaughtered every hm and her,
Innocent and defenseless as they were,
The citizens of Delhi.
That's the kind of fellow
That was the Persian Shah Nadir.

PINEY RIDGE TRAIL HIKE

Straightaway, uphill we toiled
As our duds with sweat we soiled,
Eight hikers all fairly hale,
On up the Piney Ridge Trail
Through the mountain laurel.

It's not an easy climb,
Especially in the summer time.
Of such a trail you can be sure
When you hike with T. Upshur,
I'd say, every time.

We hiked along a ridge line,
Which I think was fine
Even though we couldn't see out,
For the laurel blooms were out,
So beautiful in the bright sunshine.

After a few rest stops,
We finally reached the top
Where it was almost cool.
T carried with him a tool,
The stray branches for to lop.

Since no one was badly drooping,
On top we did a bit of looping.
We followed a route worked out by T.
On the Sulfur Spring Trail and A.T.
Then back toward the cars we went trooping.

And I do declare
'Twas all downhill from there.
Downhill is what I'd rather.
As for the weather,
It continued to be fair.

SURPRISING ATTITUDE

Here we have an attitude
That shows a lack of gratitude.
It really is surprising
That they call this advertising.
How can they be so rude?

PARROT PILFERS PASSPORT

Though a passport it needed not,
The parrot liked this one a lot.
It beaked the book with ease
And flew off into the trees,
Leaving its owner on the spot.

DON'T SMILE

For your DL photo don't you smile.
Just be neutral a little while.
The reason that lies this rule beneath
Is that if you show your teeth
A face reader cannot compile.

SATI

Is there any custom so nutty
As that of widow sati,
Which ended a widow's life?
I guess the status of a wife
Was about like that of putty.

Whether he was working or retired,
When an Indian man expired
It was his widow's duty,
Be she homely or a beauty,
To jump on his cremation pyre.

THE RANI OF JHANSI

I won't keep you in the dark
About India's Joan of Arc.
The year was 1857.
She was one more than twice eleven.
And the fighting, it was stark.

Dead was the king of Jhansi.
So it fell to her as Rani.
She took charge of the troops,
And she never let them droop,
For she was a spunky lady.

Being greatly in demand,
Of volunteers she took command.
She died fighting for the cause.
Of her bravery it is because
That she's a heroine throughout her land.

I want you to understand
That on this she had not planned.
But the situation deteriorated
Until to fight she was obligated.
Then the British got the upper hand.

MY HIGH SCHOOL XC TEAM

I think of my team of '55,
On which I was number five.
How many are running still
Now we're so over the hill?
How many are still alive?

INDIA'S HISTORY

About the Mughals we've learned a bit,
But let us not forget
That it's but a sample
Of a history that's so ample
When you think of all of it.

Think of Indian lives in times medieval
Under rulers in league with the devil.
Think of royal offspring,
Men named Singh,
And the partition upheaval.

Folks obliged to make a hajj
Made troubles hard to dodge.
Indians no doubt were skittish
When along came the British
And built a mighty raj.

There were maharajas by the score
And all too often war.
There were some nasty fellas.
There were Lodis, Cholas and Chandelas
And, I'm sure, many more

Like Persians, Sultans, Afghans, to name a few,
Xxxxxx, Yyyyy, and others quite a few,
Like Dutch, French, and Portugese
And others such as these
And, lately, independence too.

An event not so minor
Was their war with China.
On this they did not plan,
Nor on those with Pakistan.
(That's clear from my recliner.)

A lot they've been through,
These people largely Hindu.
But they've had Mohandas Ghandi,
The Congress party
And the family Nehru.

FRANK CONTE

Enjoy the reunion, Frank.
We have you to thank
And others like you
Who, in World War II,
From duty never shrank.

LU, REPUBLICAN CENTER

LU is a Republican hub.
It abides no Democrat club.
If you're a Democrat
And LU is where you're at,
I guess you flubbed the dub.

CRAPS RECORD

Craps she's now played twice.
The dice to her were nice.
Her rolls were a hundred fifty four.
No one's done that before.
Her winnings should suffice.

STUDENT TAX

For taxes cities thirst.
This would be one of the worst.
Making students nervous is
This proposed tax on services.
Of its kind this is the first.

CHIEF SNEAD

A pay cut our cops don't need.

Preventing it will be Mr. Snead.

In his budget he'll find relief.

He says he is the chief,

And he is indeed.

EARLY BIRDS

It's a deal with high mileage
From our community college.
For the kids it's right cool.
When they finish high school,
They're halfway through college.

PEOPLE POWER

What little power they can glean
From an exercise machine --
From riders who approve
On a bike that will not move --
They glean it in Eugene.

If you have energy to get rid,
You can put it in the grid.
Your power is not a lot.
Economical it's really not.
Educational it is instead.

INDIA'S ELECTIONS

India will now be able
To have a government stable.
The elections are over.
To do much, moreover,
The commies won't be able.

After a month-long, five-phase process to elect the members of the lower house of India's parliament, results were counted (most of them anyway) and released yesterday. May 16.

This is from an Internet article:
India's ruling party wins resounding victory

"NEW DELHI – The ruling Congress party swept to a resounding victory Saturday in India's mammoth national elections, defying expectations as it brushed aside the Hindu nationalist opposition and a legion of ambitious smaller parties."

"The strong showing by the party, which is dominated by the powerful Nehru-Gandhi political dynasty, laid to rest fears of an unstable, shaky coalition heading the South Asian giant at a time when many of it neighbors are plagued by instability, civil war and rising extremism."

"Prime Minister Manmohan Singh declared victory, telling reporters that voters had given the Congress party-led coalition a 'massive mandate.'"

This is from Ramana Rajgopaul, an Indian whom I don't know at all who is an aquaintance of Cynthia Springer, a member of our travel group:

"Our election process is over, and contrary to many opinions, it is now possible to have a stable and progressive government for the next five years. The greatest result has been the substantial reduction in the number of seats that the communists have won. They cannot now act as spoilers. With a stable government, we can now look forward to handling the Pakistan and Taliban problem with more optimism."

BUFFALO PLANE CRASH

There were warnings they did not heed
Because of chit-chat they did not need.
They might well have made it
Had they accelerated,
Nosing down to pick up speed.

CIVIL WAR SURGEONS

Changing dressings when they began to stink,
They were more advanced than we think.
They sometimes with prostheses
Replaced limbs shattered to pieces,
After amputating quicker than a wink.

STEFAN & CASSIE

Cancer surely fun is not.
Three bouts, that's a lot.
She's been at his side.
With each other satisfied,
They will tie the knot.

They'll soon be graduating.
For next May they're waiting.
Four years in college spent.
For each other they are meant.
That's beyond debating.

LU MARRIAGE MILL

Liberty students are reminded
That their mates can there be finded.
When the real world the face,
They won't find another place
With so many prospects like-minded.

'CILE TURNER

Talent she did not lack,
This white lady who sang black.
Her voice could be no clearer
Than when to this lady's era
Her recordings take you back.

POPLAR FOREST ARCHITECTURE

Along came Andreas Palladio,
Of architecture the daddy - oh.
He measured buildings Roman.
His own with them had much in common
And became somewhat faddy - oh.

Along came Thomas Jefferson,
Who always loved the octagon.
Interested in how a building looks,
In college he bought Palladio's books
And learned more in Paris later on.

Tom built his retreat as a man mature.
Interested in blending man with nature,
Symmetry, landscaping, convenience,
Porticos, and a classical influence,
He was his own man for sure.

Saturday afternoon Helen and I attended an interesting talk by Travis McDonald at Poplar Forest (Thomas Jefferson's second home). McDonald is Director of Archaeology at Poplar Forest.

Andreas Palladio wrote books on architecture in the 1550s and 1570s after being a stone cutter in the 1520s, studying the only available archeological books in the 1930s, and then going to Rome to study Roman ruins. He created architectur for villas, taking ideas, such as porticos, from public buildings and putting them on private houses

Poplar Forest has been said to be the last true Palladian house. It was a blend of ideas from Palladio and others and Jeffersonian innovations, including the wing of "offices" with the flat roof on top. Jefferson worked on that flat roof for 30 years, trying nine different variations.

CHRISTINE

Christine has a lot of poise.
No one this annoys.
All her skirts are highs --
Way up on her thighs.
This is pleasing to us boys.

And this to me it means:
With her, by all means,,
I'd keep an appointment.
It would be a disappointment
If she was wearing jeans.


Yes, her name is Christine. No, I won't tell you more.

ATONEMENT NEEDED

These boys really should atone.
Their misdeeds to all are known.
Their conduct is appalling.
They would have had a scalding
Had Old Faithful blown.

The Roanoke Times, 16 May 2009:

Yellowstone workers fired for urinting on geyser

"CHEYENNE, Wyo. -- Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser."

Park spokesman Al Nash said a 23-year-old man was fined $750 on Tuesday and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for uninaing, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellostone for two years. The second employee's case is pending."

"The park's dispatch center was called after someone watching a webcam on the geyser saw six employees leaving the trail and walking on Old Faithful on May 4. The geyser was not erupting at the tiem."

"Xanterra Parks & Rsorts general manager Jim McCaleb said the former concession workers were hired at the Old Fithful Inn and that such incidents were rare."

BABY BOOM

Do you know what it was like
After Hurricane Ike?
Other options away were taken,
Leaving little but baby-making.
That's how it caused a baby spike.

The Roanoke Times, 16 May 2009:

MATERNITY

Baby boom expected 9 months after storm

"HOUSTON -- It's taking a while for one consequence of Hurricane Ike to become clear -- nine months, to be exact."

"Several obstetricial practices associated with one of Texas' biggests hospitals for births say they're expecting a baby boom apparently connected with the storm that slammed into southeast Texas on Sept. 13, stranding thousands of people at home with no electricity for days or even weeks."

"'You can only do so much when there's no television, nothing open and there's nowhere to go,' said Dr. Rakhi Dimino, an obstetrician/gynocologist with Houston Women;s Care Associates ..."

Dr. John Irwin, the chief of surgery service at The Women's Hospital of Texas, said he usually delivers 15 to 20 babies a month but expects 26 deliveries in June.

HUMAYAN

The second Mughal Empire boss,
The whole empire Humayan lost,
Won it back in warfare gory,
And built a tomb for his own glory
At quite a lot of cost.

He was an addict and alcoholic

And, according to a critic,

His greatest deed by far

Was the fathering of Akbar

Who, as greatest, is my pick.

LESLEY'S RACE

Not only just for fun
Monday's race was by us run.
Of course, it was Memorial Day.
We kept that in mind all the way
As we ran it for the Kidney Fund.

There were some beginners.

All knew they'd have good dinners.

As medal earners, some stood out.

Others went home without.

All of us were winners.

AURANGZEB

The sixth Mughal king India had
Wanted to be king so bad,
I have to tell you,
That his brothers he slew
And locked up his dad.

Aurangzeb ruled for years quite a few.
Under him the kingdom grew.
Ruthlessness and bigotry his traits,
He stirred up discontent and hate
Among his subjects Hindu.

He who for power couldn't wait
Left the treasury in a sorry state.
Leaving damage hard to undue
And weak successors too,
He was the last king great.

JAHANGIR & NUR JAHAN

Of wives he had plenty
When along came number twenty.
He wanted so much to pet her
That he proposed the day he met her.
He was that sentimenty.

Jahangir was always stoned.
Nur Jahan was the power behind the throne.
(As an addict and alcoholic,
Jahangir always was too sick
To govern on his own.)

WHAT IF

What if boobs were not hidden
And gawking were not forbidden?
If that were the case,
There'd be a smile on my face,
And I'm not kiddin'.

SHAH JAHAN

Shah Jahan's queen, Mumtaz Mahal,
Had seventeen pregnancies in all.
Fourteen were live births.
She died in childbirth.
Jahan built her the Taj Mahal.

Nineteen years they were married.
Three times the queen miscarried.
Twenty-three years the project took.
When you're in Agra, take a look.
From Makrana the marble was quarried.

The Taj makes us assume
Mumtaz needed a big tomb
Most three hundred feet tall,
Of marble with inlaid walls
And with plenty of room.

This monument so fair
Built with the greatest of care
Is the ultimate sublimity,
And it had perfect symmetry
Till he was in it interred.

The shah lived on broken hearted
Over the loss of his queen departed.
And imagine how disappointed
When his third son self-annointed
And a new reign started.

As the shah lived on in Agra Fort,
I can, having been there, report
He looked out on the Taj Mahal
Wherein lay Muntaz Mahal
Until he, too, was mort.

Those who in the Taj have been
Know it holds both shah and queen
Down below those coffins false,
Surrounded by those marble walls,
Where it's tourist free and, no doubt, serene.

AKBAR

Though he came out of no school,
Akbar was nobody's fool.
Though he could not read,
The advice he could heed
Of his nine jewels.

Fine things you learn at Fatepuhr Sikri

About Akbar, strong as hickory.

No infidel could outlast him.

I wouldn't have put it past him

To resort to trickery.

ORAL SEX

I have no quarrel
If sex be done oral.
For those who do it,
Let them go to it,
Be it moral or immoral.

About it I've wondered.

Into it I've not blundered.

Should I make it a plan

Since I'm an old man

Approaching one hundred?

I might not so much cower

Were it right after a shower.

If my taste buds are not faulty,

It might be a bit salty

But surely not sour.

I wouldn't dive in pell mell.

I'd first check out the smell.

No more time would I then waste

In checking out the taste

If the fragrance was swell.

SHIRLEY AND CLARENCE

Shirley and Clarence
Were not good at forbearance
When their lack of a condom
Caused them a conundrum.
So now they are parents.

QUTUB ADDENDUM

He caused a lot of sorrow.
Temple stones he loved to borrow.
This message I can send:
Of India he was no friend,
Though he left a mighty tower.

SAWAI

This maharajah of Jaipur
Made his kingom purr.
There's been no monarch finer
As a city designer,
Mathematician and astronomer.

Perhaps you may have heard
The title on him conferred.
It was a pretty tall order
Living up to one and a quarter,
But passions in Sawai stirred.

He designed the city of Jaipur,
With wide streets, you can be sure.
Sawai didn't fool around
But relocated into town.
His new palace there he preferred.

Sawai built the Jantar Martar.
For this he had no mentor.
Perhaps his crowning glory,
This astronomy observatory
Aids astrology summer and winter.

Sawai was a lady's man.
Understand it not I can,
But ten were the wives he had.
Was this a maharajah fad?
They helped him grow his clan.

He visited each wife in her chamber

In the Palace Amber.

He came through a secret passage

And delivered a loving message

Once into bed they clambered.

The wife of whom he was most fond -- oh,

She had the nicest condo.

Keeping it was an art.

A small mistake on her part

Could her status undue.

His system worked out fine

And was never undermined.

Guarded by Sawai's eunuch,

Who always wore a tunic,

Were his wives and concubines.

Maharajah "Sawai Jai Singh II, remarkable Monarch of Jaipur, was a mathematician, an astronomer, and a town planner par excellence." He founded and designed the layout of the city of Jaipur with its wide streets, built a new palace there, and in 1727 moved to it from the nearby Amber Fort Palace.

He built the Jantar Mantar obervatory in Jaipur in 1728. This observatory does not contain a telescope. It contains very accurate "instruments" including sundials, useful under clear skies. These stationary instruments are more or less house-size. Because of the importance of astrology, it was very important to know precisely the timing of certain astronomical events.

Maharajah Jai Singh II was given the title "Sawai," meaning one and a quarter, by the Mughal emperor, who said he was worth one and a quarter of any other maharajah.

Concerning a small detail, it is by way of poetic license and not bad memory that I have attributed certain features of the new palace in Jaipur to the old Amber (or Amer) Fort Palace. These are (1) the secret passageways from the maharajah's apartment to the apartments of his wives, and (2) the nicer apartment for the favorite wife as compared to the apartments for the other nine wives. Perhaps similar features also applied to the Amber Fort Palace, but I don't know that.

GREENWEAVER

In ecology an investor,
Jo D'Angelo is an attestor
That used plastic bottles,
Whatever they bottled,
Make a fine polyester.

The Roanoke Times, 6 May 2009:

A Salem company is poised to turn recycled plastic into graduation gowns.

Cut from different cloth

"D'Angleo and Hodges said customer inquiries and the company's own environmental concerns helped lauch Oak Hall's exploration of producing gowns and mortarboards from recycled materials."

"But a 'spork' played a role."

"Aboutr 15 months ago, D'Angelo said, he paused during lunch on a college campus to muse about his biodegradable utensil -- a marriage of spoon and fork."

"'If a spork can be environmentally friendly, why not a graduation gown?' he wondered."

"At first, at Oak Hall's direction, a company supplier experimented with fabric from bamboo."

"'It was terrible,' D'Angelo said."

"Easily wrinkled, the material quickly resembled Shar-Pei."

"Next came plastic from recycled bottles."

"Fourteen months of development yielded GreenWeaver, a fabric that feels lik ployester cloth. Oak Hall said it is the only company in the cap-and-gown business poised to manufacture gowns from recycled plastic."

PADRE CUTIE

When he vowed to stay celibate
It really sealed his fate,
Putting romance out of reach.
Yet he romanced on the beach
With a delightful date.

It's not for Padre Cutie,
Who pledged to romance no cutie,
To consult with an attorney
While on his prayerful journey,
Relieved for now of duty.

Though contrition he may not lack,

He can no way go back.

The fact he must face

That he has fallen from grace

And other priests will take up the slack.

"JODAA"

To assure peace with mighty Akbar,
The maharaja in Palace Amber
Decided that he oughta
Betroth him his daughter.
So "Jodaa" married Akbar.

Would it cause a rough patch
That their faiths were a mismatch?
For Akbar it was no whim,
For crucial it was to him
That a son she should hatch.

As they married, Akbar was elated.
Then patiently he waited and waited.
He displayed a big smile
As he waited a long while
Till their marriage was consumated.

There was naught, I must say,
That she gained by delay.
Had she been a bit smarter,
She'd have been a prompt starter
And cozied up right away.

Couldn't she have pretended
When so much depended?
Shouldn't she have cooperated
While instead her husband waited
For a period so extended?

I guess it wasn't easy
For a Hndu to love a Ghazi.
We shouldn't be surprised
That when he gazed into her eyes
She felt a little queasy.

After quite some time the empress,
Naked and with tenderness,
Came on to the emperor
And, just then, likewise he to her,
And it led to success.

For the truth did not escape her
That otherwise he might rape her.
So they loved hot and heavy
Till with child she was heavy
And that caused them to taper.

If the film's suggestion be true,
"Jodaa" ever remained Hindu.
Of his three wives, she was the one
Who gave Akbar a son.
'Twas the best thing she could for him do.

Things for them had clicked.
Don't know if they were strict.
Akbar had a helpful Hindu hon
And now as well his son --
The future king and addict.

Their joy was extreme
Now that true was their dream.
'Twas truly earth-shaking.
Seven years it had taken.
And they named him Salim.

Akbar, who was nice at court,
In war was a different sort.
Especially early in his reign,
From cruelty he did not refrain
But practiced it like a sport.

And "Jodaa," perhaps she changed.
Much help for Islam she arranged
When she could along her path.
I wonder if her faith
For Islam she exchanged.

"Jodaa" became a power in the court.
To good projects she gave support.
No longer Hindu (should we assume?),
She built herself a tomb,
According to report.

On January 20, 1562 the third Mughal emperor, Akbar, married a Rajput Indian princess. They were both the same age, 19 years. She was Hindu. He was Muslim. She was the eldest daughter of the maharajah in the Amber Fort Palace near the present city of Jaipur. The maharajah's territory bodered the emperor's. The marriage was intended to cement peaceful relations and create an alliance between the two realms. (The emperor was famous for diplomacy, and the maharajah was a good diplomat as well. And marriage was a diplomatic device.) It's reasonable to assume that the religion difference may have been seen by some as a potential problem.

In the evening in our hotel near Jaipur we watched the 3.5-hour film "Jodaa Akbar." We also learned about a little about "Jodaa" from our guides, particularly when we toured the fort-palace Fatehpur Sikri near Agra (her home after she was married).

About the film, I remarked to our trip leader-guide, Som Bose, that it must be a little history and a whole lot of fill in. He agreed. I didn't realize then the extent of it.

I composed several verses based on what I had learned. Then I read some Wikepedia articles on the subject. I wrote additional verses to reflect some of the things I learned from the articles. Here are some points that interest me:

1. Jodaa wasn't her name at all (nor Jodhaa, nor Jodha, nor Jodha Bai, nor Jodhabai) although there is a popular perception that she was known as Jodha Bai. She was never known as such during her lifetime. Her maiden name was Rajkumari Hira Kunwari Sahiba (or just Hira Kumwari), alias Harkha Bai. Her married title was Mariam-uz-Zamani Begum Sahiba, often shortened to Mariam-uz-Zamani, and meaning "Mary of the age."

The name Jodha Bai erroneously first came into use for her in historical writings of the 18th and 19th centuries. A particular book is mentioned as first using the name Jodha for her. According to the Wikipedia article, Jodha Bai or rather Jodh Bai was actually the name of Jahangir's Rajput wife Princess Manmati of Johhpur, whose real name was Jata Gosain. (This Jodh Bai was a daughter-in-law of "Jodaa.")

"Jodaa" was indeed the mother of Nuruddin Salim Jahangir (1569-1627), who became Akbar's successor, the fourth Mughal emperor (ruled 1605 - 1627).

Akbar is a title meaning "Great." Akbar's full name was Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar.

2. A major theme of the movie is that "Jodaa" insisted on remaining Hindu (not converting to or being force or coerced to convert to Islam), and that she was permitted to remain Hindu, and that she did remain Hindu. According to the movie,"Jodaa" (who in reality probably had no say in the matter) was willing to marry Akbar but only if she could remain Hindu.

It is reasonable that she was permitted to remain Hindu because Akbar has the reputation of being exceptionally liberal about religion and tolerant of Hinduism. Actually, Akbar was liberal toward Hindus some of the time and cruel to them at other times.

Apparently "Jodaa" was allowed to practice Hinuism freely. But did she eventually change her faith of her own accord? Here are four items in a Wikipedia article that suggest that she may have changed her faith:

(a) "Maryam Zamani died in 1622. .... Her tomb, built in 1611, is on the Delhi-Agra National Highway, near Fatehpur Sikri. She was buried according to Islamic custom and was not cremated according to the Hindu religion."

(b) "... the mosque of Mariyam Zamani Begum was constructed in Lahore, Pakistan, in her honour."

(c) "Maryam Zamani owned and oversaw the ships that carried pilgrims to and from the Islamic holy city Mecca."

(d) "Maryam Zamai used her wealth and influence to build ... mosques around the country." It doesn't say she supported the building of Hindu temples.

3. Another major theme of the movie is that it was Jodaa's father, the maharajah in the Amber Fort Palace, who came up with the idea and advanced the idea of her marrying the Mughal emperor, Akbar. (He was Kacchwaha Rajput, Raja Bharmal, Raja of Amber, the older name of the state of Jaipur.) There is an item in the Wikipedia article that hints it might have been otherwise, i.e., that maybe Akbar came up with the idea and applied pressure, or that maybe it was the maharajah's idea, but he and others of his family didn't feel good about it, maybe felt it was something distasteful that circumstances required.

"Still there is an ambiguity over her rajput origin. Rajputs are said to have swapped their daughter with a low caste maid as the final revenge just before the royal marriage. Though there is no historical evidence, such stories are common among Rajputs mostly suggesting redemption of her honor."

Well, Akbar wasn't always the fairy-tale nice guy depicted in the movie. (Maybe he was in court.) Terrible things happened to the citizens of little kingdoms who defied and fought him and lost, and they were sure to lose. See Items 8 and 10.

4. The movie doesn't make anything explicit about other wives. Since other wives are not mentioned in the movie, one could conclude from it that "Jodaa" was Akbar's only wife at the time, i.e., his first wife. At Fatehpur Sikri we learned that Akbar had three wives. From a Wikipedia article I learned that "Jodaa" was indeed Akbar's third wife.

I went to the Internet about the question of how many wives Akbar eventually had. It seems that he eventually had seven principal wives, whereas Islam allowed only four wives, and that he eventually had a total of some 300 wives, and a total harem or over 4,000 women (mostly concubines and slaves)!

I was curious what other children besides Salim were fathered by Akbar. I didn't learn any specifics, but I presume with 300 wives or even seven wives, there must have eventually been a bunch.

I also took an interest in learning some details about his first and second wives. "Akbar's first queen was the childless Ruqaiyya Begum." She was his cousin, and he married her when he was 15. I couldn't learn when she was born or when she died. Akbar's "second wife was Salima Sultan, the widow of his most trusted general, Bairam Khan." Bairam Khan was also Akbar's regent and guardian. I couldn't learn much about Salima Sultan except that she died in 1613. Since Bairam Khan's death was in 1561, her marriage to Akbar had to have occurred right after Bairam's death and only a short time before Akbar's marriage to "Jodaa" in January, 1562. How old Salima Sultan was in 1561 I can only guess, and I guess she was 25 or 30. Salima Sultan at least had one daughter with Bairam because she is mentioned as a mother-in-law of Jahangir.

5. The movie ends early in the marriage -- before the birth of her son. There was no mention one way or the other in the movie about the eventual standing of "Jodaa." She lived from 1542 to 1622. Akbar lived from 1542 to 1605 and ruled from 1556 to 1605. I learned from a Wikipedia article that "Jodaa" became an exceptionally powerful person in the Mughal court.

"She is said to have been politically involved in the court until Nur Jahan became empress."

"Like few other women at the Moghul court, Maryam-uz-Zamani could issue official documents (singularly called farman), which was usually the exclusive privilege of the emperor. Maryam Zamai used her wealth and influence to build gardens, wells, and mosques around the country."

6. Mention of Nur Jahan in my Wikipedia article on "Jodaa" led me to look up a Wikepedia article on Nur Jahan. And that's a heck of a story. Nur Jahan (1577-1645) was the 20th and favorite wife of Jahangir. (So she was a daughter-in-law of "Jodaa.") She married fourth emperor Jahangir in 1611 and became the most famous empress of the Mughal Empire. The name Nur Jahan was given to her by Jahangir and is composed of parts of his name. "She remains historically significant for the sheer amount of imperial authority she wielded - the true 'power behind the throne,' as Jahangir was battling serious addictions to alcohol and opium throughout his reign - and is known as one of the most powerful women who ruled India with an iron fist."

7. It seems strange to me that Akbar was illiterate, could barely sign his name. The court certainly would have had the resources to provide him an education as a youth. Could it be that an unsuccessful attempt had been made to educate him? His grandfather, Babur, was literate. His father, Humayan, died from a fall on the steps in his library. His guardian, Bairam Khan, was a noted poet who wrote in three languages. Although Akbar was illiterate, he had libraries of books on various subjects, and he had people read them to him. And he had his "nine jewels," learned men who discussed various topics with him.

8. Akbar is depicted in the film as the exact opposite of what he was in terms of treatment of captured "infidels."

I have an article from the Internet titled The Real Akbar, The (Not) So Great. "Akbar ... ordered slaughter of all the captives from Hemu's army after the second battle of Panipat and had a victory tower built with their heads." Hemu's elderly father was slain when he refused to convert to Islam.

"Similarly, Akbar later on ordered a massacre of 30,000 plus unarmed captive Hindu peasants after the fall of Chitod on February 24, 1568."

"It is indeed true that Akbar drifted from orthodox Islamic practices and became more tolerant of other religions. However, more often Akbar used and twisted religious principles to his own advantagee."

"... his rule was better compared ONLY to the other Mughal and Turko-Afgani rules."

See Item 10.

9. Akbar attempted without success to found a religion "in which he vaguely tried to combine practices of Islam and Hinduism."

10. A critical event in the movie is based on historical fact, but related details were changed. This is from an Internet article: "In this second battle of Panipat, the Mughals were saved by a lucky accident after a hard fight which looked more than likely to go against them. An arrow hit Hemu in the eye and although it did not kill him it had peirced the cerebral cavity enough to make him unconscious. In any battle of this period the death of the leader meant an end of the fight, and the sight of Hemu slumped in the howdah of his famous elephant Hawai was enough to make his army turn tail. Shah Quli Khan captured the Hawai elephant with its prize occupant, and took it directly to Akbar. Hemu was brought unconscious before Akbar and Bairam. Bairam pleaded Akbar to perform the holy duty of slaying the infidel and earn the Islamic holy title of 'Ghazi.' Among much self-congratulation Akbar then severed the head of unconscious Hemu with his saber." Apparently the title of Ghazi was a badge of honor and right of passage. "Akbar like all Mughal rulers had the holy Muslim title of Ghazi (slayer of kaffer - infidel)."

In the movie this arrow shot was not an "accident." Rather, an archer was sent into battle with the mission to shoot Hemu in the eye and succeeded in doing so. Taking nothing away from the skill of medieval archers, I think this is far-fetched. His eyes were his only features not protected by Hemu's helmet and other armor.

In the movie Akbar (age 14) declined to slay Hemu. So Bairam slayed Hemu on the spot.

According to the movie, in a scene in a later battle, Akbar permanently dismissed Bairam because he was too cruel and sent him on a hajj to Mecca. (Bairam was about to slay another defeated infidel.)

This does have a connection with actual history in that Bairam Khan was dismissed as Akbar's regent and guardian in 1560 upon Akbar's coming of age (18), and he did leave on a hajj to Mecca. But there is no historical indication of the two men differing on treatment of captured infidels. Bairam Khan was killed by an assassin in 1561. His year of birth is not given.

According to the historical articles, Bairam was Akbar's "most trusted general" as well as his regent and guardian, and Akbar married Bairam's widow, Salima Sultan. (She was Akbar's second wife.)

11. The movie shows Akbar abolishing a tax on Hindus making religious pilgrimages. This turns out to be true to actual history. "... Akbar did abolish two obnoxious taxes on Hindus namely the pilgrimage tax in 1563 CE and Jizya (A tax stipulated in the Koran to be paid by Zimmis or unbelievers) in 1564 CE, ..."

12. Our trip leader, Som, mentioned the phenomenon of Jauhar, the self-immolaton of women in cases of defeat in wartime. I found a mention of that where women jumped into a roaring fire rather than face the cruelty of Akbar upon the fall of Chitod: "That night flames leapt to the sky as thousands of Rajput women performed Jauhar ... They preferred jumping into a roaring fire, to being captured by Mughal Akbar. Later events do lend credit to their astute judgement."

13. The movie shows Akbar dismissing an Islamic scholar because of a long-standing disagreement between them. I think the issue was that there was a practicing Hindu at court who was not converting to Islam. In real life, over quite a different issue, Akbar, a Sunni, "dismissed the Khazi, the highest religious officer from his court, a Sunni, and replaced him with a Shiite who did agree with him!" The issue was that Akbar had more wives than the four allowed by Islam. Akbar "used 'Mutta' principle to justify his 300 wives. As per Shia interpretation, 'Mutta' constituted a legal Muslim marriage. ... a Muslim can have a 'Mutta' marriage with a free woman of OTHER religion. A 'Mutta' marriage involves no ceremny, but is a private pact between a man and a woman for, officially, ' a limited period of time (as short as one night)' agreed between them."

------------------------------------------------
Regarding my third verse, for those who've not seen the film, although "Jodaa" was willing to marry Akbar (since she could remain Hindu), it took her a very long time to develop affection for him. I guess that's "Hollywood," India-style. I suppose in reality, "Jodaa" might well have had a fear hang-up, not just a lack-of-affection hang up.

-----------------------------------------------

The Mughals were cruel foreigners. Yet it seems to me that, for the most part, the Indian people have chosen to "adopt" the Mughals as their own, take pride in them, emphasize whatever good they can find in them, and overlook their cruelty.

Admittedly, the Mughals would have become "Indianized" to an extent because of their marriages with Indian pricesses and because they hung around so long. Yet I believe their lives at court were isolated from the Indian people, and they kept their foreign culture pretty much intact.

Here is a final quote: "Why don't the Indian School texts give these details of Akbar and What else are they hiding?"

GLAD OR SAD?

Success would make me glad,
For little I've lately had.
My hopes are not sky high.
I'll take my pill and try.
Perhaps I won't be sad.

WEDDING NIGHT

On their wedding night each had vim.
And it was not like sink or swim.
Still, these questions do occur:
Was he shy with her?
And was she shy with him?

DRUNKEN RIDING

The officer had no remorse,
But to do his duty, no other course,
And no problem in deciding
To ticket drunken riding.
But what about the horse?

Colo. man on horse ticketed for riding while drunk

"ARVADA, Colo. (AP) -- A man in a cowboy hat who rode a horse through a Denver suburb has been cited for riding an animal under the influence."

"Police say Brian Drone was given a $25 traffic violation ticket in a strip mall parking lot Friday."

"Drone told KUSA-TV that he was out for a 'joyride' in Arvada with his horse, Cricket."

"Sgt. Jeff Monzingo says the citation was the first he'd seen in 15 years of working in law enforcement."

"Police say deciding what to do with the horse was a 'tricky call' because 'you can tow a car' in typical drunk driving cases."

"A stable owner eventually offered Drone and his horse a ride home."

:

BERLUSCONI

As for Italy's Berlusconi,
Flirting has cost him his honey.
She's as mad as a hatter.
He says it's a private matter
But not that it's baloney.

Berlusconie's wife files for divorce

"Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi's second wife is seeking a divorce after 19 years of marriage and three children, citing his reported flirtations with younger women."

"Former actress Veronica Lario confirmed she had retained a lawyer to begin separation and divorce proceedings agains the billionaire media mogul-turned-poitician, reported the ANSA news agency."

"Berlusconi issued a one-line statement, which said: 'It's a personal issue that pains me, that is in the private sphere, and which seems necessary not to speak about.'"

MINE THAT BIRD

I guess by now you've heard
What at The Derby has occurred.
Against odds of fifty to one,
The race by seven lengths was won
By a horse named Mine That Bird.

I'm sure it was a thrill
For jockey Calvin Borel.
I don't think he knew
What that horse could do,
Though he rode him well.

He seems a horse that was designed
With a home stretch sprint in mind.
It really was amazing
How he ran like crazy
And came up from far behind.

A win like this you can't assail.
Strange has been this colt's trail.
It really makes you wonder
If he'll prove a one-day wonder.
How'd he slip through on that rail?

PHILIP STREICH

A lad this smart is rarely seen --
Expert on nanotubes and graphene,
Musician, ace college scholar,
Entrepreneur, inventor,
Renaissance man, and just eighteen.

KAJURAHO ADDENDA

To monks no distraction
But for us an attraction
Are couples in orgasm.
And Kajuraho has 'em
Frozen in action.

It's hard to dismiss
A millennium of bliss.
And moving it is too
That as eternity they go through
They continue to kiss.

With these folks I have no quarrel.

To them, sex is moral.

And they have no inhibition

About its exhibition

Even when it's oral.

For in these illustrations

Of achievement of elation

A reasonable man supposes

That the models in these poses

Were members of the congregation.

WORKING FOR FREE

In today's economy,

Believing it has to be,

In special cases

To stay in good graces,

Some folks work for free.

Article in Business Section of USA Today indicates that in the present economy some entrepreneurs are doing work for free for special customers to stay in their good graces.

TWO GOOD MEN

Met two good men in a convenience store,

Veterans of the second world war. 

For sixty years they've been friends,

Though one is not Norwegian.

Right spry they are at eighty-four.

On my bike ride yesterday, I rolled into Mt. Horeb (pop ~6,600) tired and hungry.  I went into a very quiet little convenience store, bought a couple snacks, and ended up staying quite a long time and leaving refreshed.  The friendly, elderly proprietor bade me rest on a chair in his office, and he gave me a large mug of hot chocolate -- for free.  A friend of his came in, and they chatted, and I asked if they were brothers.  The proprietor said "He's not even a Norwegian."  (I guess that's unusual in Mt. Horeb.)  I chatted with both of them a long while and recited my poem about my ride.  They both seem to be in remarkable health at 84, and they hear better than I do.  Both are veterans of WWII, one a Marine, the other Army.  The Marine said he recently attended a reunion on Iwo Jima.  The other told of finding and making fast friends with previously unknown relatives in Germany.  The two men had been roommates when they first reentered the work force after the war.  I told them about our Friday noon support-the-troops vigils in Lynchburg and told them I'm a "cold war veteran."  I told them about Helen's family coming from the Philippines to San Francisco on a troop ship near the end of the war.  And I told them about my Norwegian and German ancestors.

RIDGE RIDE

Thought it would do no harm

To ride out through the farms.

While making good mileage,

I got whiffs of corn silage

And other farming charms.

'Twas as cold as a fridge

On that windy old ridge

As my lonely way I found

Past Mt. Horeb and Blue Mound

And beyond Verona just a smidge.

From Dodgeville to Barneveld,

Oh, the pain my bottom felt!

But I rode on a loner 

On into Verona,

A forty-miler underneath my belt.

GREEN EXTREMES

Some folks go to extremes

With environmental schemes.

And sometimes for the spouse,

Who's obliged to share the house,

This can shatter hopes and dreams.

Article indicates some people go to such extremes on ecological measures that it creates a hardship for and conflict with the "significant other."

HOSPITAL GOWNS

The hospital patient garment,

A source it is of torment.

It will be redesigned

With improving it in mind.

Surely that won't harm it.

The Roanoke Times, 22 April 2009:

HOSPITALS

Designer wants to make gowns less revealing

"RALEIGH, N.C -- Federal law prevents hospitals from revealing information on a patient, but hospital gowns occasionally allow a patient to reveal too much of themselves."

"The News & Observer newspaper of Raleigh reports that a North Carolina State University design team is working to end the issue of partial disclosure."

"It's not the first time someone has tried to conceal what is sometimes exposed because of the gown's flimsy fabric and looslely tied open back. But North Carolina State textile design professor Traci Lamar has the financial backing and research to develop a restyled garment that could finally be practical for hospitals across the country."

"Researchers hope to have the product ready for market in about two years."

BABUR (1483-1530)

In India, great is this man's fame.
Conquest was his game.
Babur, we're told, means tiger.
As Babur he was as much a tiger
As by his full real name.

Steeped in Persian culture,
A warrior Babur was by nature.
He was born in an Uzbeck valley,
And forth from there he sallied
To vast lands wherein he'd wander.


Babur knew both good luck and bad.
An army and illnesses he almost always had.
The Mughal Empire he founded
When a much larger army he pounded,
This wandering Turkish lad.


A literate man was he
Who loved good poetry.
Babur wrote in his memoirs
The tales of his wars.
Call it autobiography.

Babur came from ruling families,
Ghengis Khan and Timur on his tree.
His lieutenant and son
And successor was Humayun.
He was quick to adopt new weaponry.

Babur knew how to recruit.
Soldiers he found to suit.
Of the crop they were the cream.
He inspired them with his dream.
And a strategist he was to boot.


But how'd he finance his army
Before glory came to he,
This man of prodigious strength
Though a Muslim who loved to drink?
That's what puzzles me.

And, not that now it matters,
I wonder, for that matter,
How nine wives Babur supported
And if, after they were courted,
They grew somewhat fatter.

Babur lived a lifestyle lavish.
He used his share of hashish.
He loved the gardens of Kabul
And was finally entombed in Kabul
According to his wish.

(I read a Wikepedia article on Babur.)

GREENBRIER TRIATHLON

The Great Greenbrier River Race
In Marlinton again took place.
Teams front, back, and middle rank
Many helpers for that can thank,
For 'twas fun whatever your pace.


Saturday's 23rd Annual Great Greenbrier River Race, Marlinton, WVA

Three-mile run, four-mile canoe, ten-mile bike.

At least 237 "units" and at least 384 persons registered. 221 "units" finished. A "unit" is a solo individual or any combination making a relay team.

Our team finished 119th. Brittany Bauer ran; Gary Booth and I paddled, and I rode my bike.

The race started at 11:00 AM, and it was a hot day.

SARAH SANZO

Put this in your good news hopper:
She's going home to see her papa.
It's a trip she can't afford,
But an airplane she will board.
She's been given a ticket proper.


The Roanoke Times, 21 April 2009:

Coming together so she can say goodbye

Hard economic times haven't dampened the generosity of the employees or owner of one restaurant, as the 'little Italian lady' at the Olive Garden near Valley View gets the chance to make a special trip home.

"It's about a good deed by some fellow employees and a restaurant chain for one of their own, someone confronting the impending death of a loved one and a longing for a faraway home."

"And the employee is Sarah Sanzo, 62, a part-time hostess and greeter at the chain's Valley View location."

"Sarah has been married 42 years and is a mother of five and a grandmother of six. She came to America from Sicily in 1967 to marry Anthony Sanzo."

"Other members of Sarah's family are still in the old country, including her father, Joseph Colletti, a retired farmer who's 96 and lives with his son outside Florence."

"Sarah battled cancer three years ago, which left her with a lot of medical bills."

"Those are partly why she's working at Olive Garden."

"Here is where the sadness and longing comes in: Sarah's father is dying, and she couldn't afford the trip home."

"The good news today is Sarah already has her plane ticket and leaves Wednesday to see her dad."

MONKEY BUSINESS

To the vet they'll be tripped.
At the office they'll be snipped.
Enough monkeys is quite enough.
For these boys 'twill be rough
Being thereafter unequipped.


The Roanoke Times, 21 April 2009:

BRAZIL

Officials hope to snip monkey overpopulation

SAO PAULO -- The monkey business is about to end for some Brazilian primates."

"Health officials in the central city of Goiania plan to perform vasectomies on 25 wild, urban-dwelling monkeys to keep their population in check and control disease."

"They're looking to catch male Capuchin monkeys in three city parks, each of which has about eight female mates. The animals will be netted, snipped and released."

"The monkey population in the parks has grown to about 170 in recent months, and project head Marize Moreira said some have been found to carry yellow fever."

"Sick monkeys can't pass the disease directly to humans, but mosquitoes that bite infected monkeys can transmit it."

OLDEST BOWLING CHAMP

Here's a lady who loves to bowl.
At age one hundred she's on a roll
In her fiftieth consecutive year.
She'll be back again next year.
We all know that's her goal.


The Roanoke Times, 21 April 2009:

NEVADA

100-year-old woman keeps rolling along

"RENO, Nev. -- A 100-year-old woman from New Jersey has become the oldest competitor in the history of the United States Bowling Congress Women's Championships."

"Emma Hendrickson of Morris Plains, N.J., was presented Saturday night with a plaque and a medallion to commemorate her 50th consecutive appearance in the tournament."

"The great-great-grandmother rolled a 115, 97 and 106 for a 318 series during team competition at the National Bowling Stadium in Reno."

"Henrickson said her teammates sometimes help her line up because her eyesight has diminised over the years."

"'I can see the 10 pins standing clearly, but it's difficult to see what pins are standing for spares,' she said."

"She has no plans to stop; she has already signed up to compete in the 2010 event in El Paso, Texas."

A QUICKY

Quick it was for certain.
They had no time for flirtin,'
This couple hale and hearty
Who made love at a party
While hiding behind a curtain.

As the crowd around were milling
And their drinks were spilling,
The plan was by him devised,
And she right then realized
That she was more than willing.

It truly was outstanding
How they did the job up standing.
Face-to-face, they kept their balance.
This was not their greatest challenge,
For she had no stool for standing.

And so much apparel to confound --
Petticoats, panties, breeches buttoned down!
That they so promptly succeeded
While by ancient duds impeded,
Really does astound.

ARLINGTON COUNTY

Some employees of the county,
Not all of whom are mounties,
These days can be seen
Promoting air more clean.
(On trikes and bikes they're mounted.)


The Roanoke Times, April 20, 2009:

Workers trike their way to a greener county

Arlington County leaders hope to see health and environmental benefits from the program.

"Michael Dako rode a three-wheeler around on his lunch hour Friday -- blue with a big basket, reflectors and a '1 Less Car' tag."

"'Everyone can see what we're trying to promote, which is cleaner air and health,' he said before taking off on a four-mile ride along bike lanes and sidewalks."

"Arlington staff employees hit upon the idea as part of their two-year-old program to reduce emissions, Fresh AIRE, which already includes hybrid taxis."

"Ultimately, the county purchased six trikes for just under $500 each, along with six bicycles. Since the bikes were rolled out last fall, 140 of the county's 3,600 employees have registered to ride."

"Wearing a regulation blue helmet with chin strap, Penny Newquist was taking a tricycle to her meeting."

CURRY

This I will confide:
Curry I can't abide.
There's no doubt about it.
Happier I am without it.
I'm a curry hater bona fide.

SNOWSHOE, APRIL 24

Snowshoe is sunny and serene.
Plenty of deer are seen.
There's fresh snow on the ground
While old slope snow hangs round.
The golf course is nice and green.

TWO RELIGIONS

HINDUISM

The number of gods is near infinity.
There is a Brahma-Vishnu-Shiva trinity.
There is a great universal soul.
Merging into it is the goal.
Of all the gods, there is unity.

Hinduism has no founder.
How old it is we can only wonder.
Its priests are of the Brahmin caste.
From father to son their job is passed.
No hierarchy are they under.

BUDDHISM

This life is temporary.
Only a short time here we terry.
Pray for every living being
Ere the judge you're seeing.
Some realms are pretty scary.

Pray that your next life
With trouble will not be rife.
Be you monk or farmer,
It's important to have good karma
And to heed the Wheel of Life.

Follow the eight-fold path
And you may escape the judge's wrath.
This point should be stressed:
The judge is not the least impressed
If you've cut a giant swath.

There'll be a period of transition
Ere you assume your new position.
Some places you might go to
When the judge is through with you
Are a whole lot like perdition.

If you're a Pollyanna,
You might expect Nirvana.
But I really do believe
It's right hard to achieve
No matter how much you wanna.

DOGWOOD BLOSSOMS

Of anything nicer I can't think
Than the view beyond the sink.
It's a delicious feast for eyes
To see blue and sunny skies
And dogwoods white and pink.

MARRIAGE TO A NYMPHO

What if you married a nympho
With more love than you crave, oh?
Would that be outstanding?
Or would it be too demanding
Being her love slave, oh?

POEMS FROM TRAVELLING TO BHUTAN AND INDIA

HANS

Hans is like a father to Leo.
With his mother they make a trio.
Together they seem merry.
But Shelley he won't marry,
Says he can't get along with she, oh.


KOLKATA

To Kolkata first we went --
The seat of a commie government.
Though she has no coliseum,
She boasts the Indian Museum
And the Victoria Monument.

'Twas for the poor of this city
That Mother Teresa showed her pity.
An auction house for teas
And three universities
Has India's former capital city.

On the banks of the Hooghly River,
She grew in three centuries of endeavor.
Though short must be our look,
According to my book,
Kolkata has much to deliver.

In the West Bengal state
Ninety-four percent are literate.
Of religions there is quite a mix
With Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jains and Sikhs.
Booksellers downtown proliferate.

We saw the temple of the Jains,
A religion our guide explained,
The Queen Victoria Monument,
Mother Teresa's little convent,
And other attractions main.


BHUTAN

Bhutan, a mountain state,
Has changed a lot of late.
While still a monarchy,
It's now a democracy.
Their new king they venerate.

Also we found out
The people are right devout.
In this land of not much size
That sees fit to modernize,
Tourists fly in and out.


THIMPHU

In this little mountain town
We had a look around.
No one's in a hurry.
About crime you need not worry.
It's here they keep the crown.

We saw the memorial to King Three
And some marvelous archery,
The fortress and the takin
And, while in our stockin's walkin',
The Buddhist nunnery.

We visited the library where they store
Their many treasured books of yore.
We were in the museum of textiles
And the arts and crafts school for a while.
In both were weavers sitting on the floor.


DOCHULA PASS

Of mountain roads this is the mother
With more curves than any other.
On the summit at ten thousand feet
We saw a hundred supras neat,
And Punakha proved worth the bother.


PUNAKHA DZONG

Our ride grew tedious and long
Er we visited the Punaka Dzong.
It sits along a river.
Its equal you'll see never.
Beautiful, big and old it is and strong.


PUNAKHA

At eight thirty, forth we sallied,
Then cruised a gorgeous valley.
We found green birds and a monkey to like
When we did our nature hike.
Lunch at Village Restaurant was right up our alley.

After but a mile of walking,
We visited Temple Chimmi Lhakhang.
Nor was it any hassle
To tour Wangdu Castle
Where Dorji did the talking.


ON TO PARO

Lucky to have a perfect day,
To Paro we made our way.
No way could our spirits sag.
At the summit we hung our flag.
There at Dochula it will stay.

Pleasant were our stops, --
Right nice photo ops.
Good it was to see 'um --
The old things in the museum
And the snowy mountain tops.

The Watch Tower was top rung.
Likewise the Castle Rinpung.
The rehearsal dance was interesting.
Likewise the instruments with strings
And the songs by the ladies sung.


TIGER'S NEST

In my senility
I'm short on agility.
So I chose to abort
While a long way short
Of the Tiger's Nest facility.


WINNERS

At travel no beginner,
I know what is a winner.
It was the visit to the home
Of Dorji's aunt and grandmom.
And likewise the farewell dinner.


ON TO DELHI

At Himalayan peaks
We were treated to a peek
Er Katmandu
We passed on through
And on to Delhi streaked.


DELHI

Hinduism is no wise simple.
We got an intro at the temple.
Delhi has some residences
That are extremely expensive.
Som showed us some examples.


INDIA'S ARMY

Eleven lakh has the Army Corps.
With their families they make a crore.
At the polls they'll have their say.
As for the amount of their pay,
They wish it were somewhat more.


DELHI'S DOGS

Though not her problem sole,
Delhi's dogs are hard to control.
Of a program not haphazard,
Reduction of this hazard
Is the worthy goal.


LOTUS TEMPLE

Beautiful it is, oh my –
The Lotus Temple of Bahai,
A faith of a attractive kind
Stressing unity of mankind.
And you don't kiss your old faith goodbye.


RICKSHAW RIDE

A rickshaw was our convenience
As old Delhi we experienced,
Riding on its chair, oh,
Through streets so very narrow,
With humanity packed so dense.


JAMI MOSQUE

One of the things we did
Was visit the Jami Masjid.
Twenty-five K muslims in can hold.
The reason for the shawls, we're told,
Is to keep ladies' shoulders hid.


RAJ GHAT

We visited the samadhi
Of Mahatma Ghandi.
Like a god, he is worshipped.
With love and charisma equipped,
He was the father of his country.


INDIA GATE

We stopped at India Gate,
Completed circa twenty-eight.
In the first world war
And the Afghan wars
Many an Indian met his fate.

A canopy that stands nearby
Housed George the fifth in years gone by.
(At the museum
You can see him.)
It's empty now, and a big debate is why.


GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS

Buildings to be admired
From the British were acquired
For ministries of the government
And a coliseum for the parliament
(Its members by the people hired.)


QUTUB MINAR

Came invaders like old Qutub,
And temples went down the tubes.
Materials from them they borrowed
To make their mosque and tower
To convert infidels they saw as rubes.


RUG STORE

Carpets made in Cashmere homes.
None better anywhere you roam.
Cottage Industries Exposition
Makes you a good proposition
If you want to take one home.


BANGLA SAHIB TEMPLE

In Delhi our Sykh temple
Was my first example.
The music was loud.
Thick was the crowd.
Good job we weren't trampled.

The crowd made me nervous.
Our head scarves well did serve us.
So we were properly dressed.
And I was well impressed
By their community service.


FAMILY GOYAL

You'd think that we were royal
From our reception by family Goyal.
It was great with them to connect.
Their artistry made me suspect
They're descendants of Mr. Goya.


FARMERS

It made our day complete
A farming couple to meet.
'Twas a window on their life
To see how, with but a knife,
They were harvesting their wheat.


CHOMU PALACE

The Palace of Chomu
Is a great place to eat stew.
It's full of charm and grace.
To dine in such a place
Was an experience new.

The service fit the scene,
The food the best we've seen.
'Twas more than enough to fill us.
Yet, outside the palace
Was quite a different scene.


SNAKE CHARMERS

To dance and play the flute
For not a lot of loot,
They must be nuts
In their mud huts
With cobra snakes to boot.


AMBER FORT PALACE

Up in a jeep we rode.
Elephants in the fortress strode.
It's impenetrable as a fort,
With too many luxuries to report.
('Twas an info overload.)

With sights, its environs are replete.
It's really quite a treat.
There's the Sun Temple
And a Jain Temple
And cows and pigs in the street.

And no matter who you are,
You'll enjoy the Fort Jaigarh.
Best time I ever had!
But I am very glad
I'm not driving my own car.


JEWELS EMPORIUM

They showed how gems are polished.
Their skill we all acknowledged.
They're designing jewels as well,
And jewels they'll gladly sell.
Their salesmanship is polished.


STREETS OF OLD JAIPUR

Many scooters, single- to-quintuple-loaded motorcycles,
Push carts, horse carts, single- and double-loaded bicycles.
Cars, jeeps, not too fast, rarely stropping, scads of rickshaws,
Buses small, buses large, small trucks, lots of autorickshaws.
Walkers, honkers, sacred cows, and cart tricycles.


SHOPS OF OLD JAIPUR

Products there is galore.
Some you've never seen before.
Though I didn't see a fur
In the shops of old Jaipur,
There's every other kind of store.

The beggars are insistent,
And the foot venders are persistent.
On those crowded, gritty streets,
They ask and they repeat,
And you have to be resistant.


FAMILY SINGH

Gracious and traditional are family Singh.
They don't want for anything.
Smriti supports orphans at her expense.
Surendra works for the government.
Marksmanship is their daughter's thing.


WEDDING PROCESSION

Friends, horses, camels, elephant up ahead,
Two wealthy bothers grandly riding to be wed.
After the wedding and the party,
These young men hale and hearty
Will start to know their brides in bed.


JANTAR MANTAR

It's really quite a story
How the Maharajah in his glory
Not only built a palace and a town
With wide streets for driving round,
But designed and built an observatory.


PALACE MUSEUM

The inlaid mirror hall,
The royal audience hall.
Clothes the royals wore.,
Weapons used in war.
Art works on the walls.


THRESHING

Threshing they've mechanized
With a thresher miniaturized.
Their thresher is, in truth,
Like I knew in my youth
But very much downsized.


NAHARGARH

Like Chomu, it's a splendid palace
In which to drink from a chalice.
It's been great to know 'em.
When I get back home,
Ill sadly have no palace.


RANTHAMBHORE 1


Monkeys and deer we saw and parakeets and pea fowl
And cranes, two crocs, a blue bird, a vulture and an owl.
But, as our Rover lurched,
Hard in vane we searched
For a lion on the prowl.


RANTHAMBHORE 2

A great day it has been,
For a tiger we have seen,
And that was a lot of fun.
You seldom get to see one,
But a tiger we have seen!


VILLAGE SCHOOL

We visited Adarsh Vidya Mandir
And met its superintender.
Students were being tested.
OAT has in this school invested
To augment its budget slender.


THE SAINIS' HOME

For us it was truly dandy
To visit the home of Narayan Saini
And there be privileged to
Learn how Indian folks make do
Who are no wise blessed with plenty.


DASTKARI KENDRA

To the park right next door
At Daskar Ranthambhore,
We made a short stop
So that we could shop.
It's a coop crafts and textile store.


LUNCH

Somewhere far from any town
In a colorful tent we chowed down.
Contrary to my surmising,
The John was right surprising.
'Twas just like downtown!


CAMELS

Farmers with camels happily abide.
Their value cannot be denied.
Working camels are males.
This rule never fails.
Females are herded through the countryside.


CHAND BAORI

Because he thought he oughta,
A ruler made a step well for water.
If you're fit and able,
Walk down to the water table.
If not, then send your daughter.


CAMPING

To the farms convenient,
We're sleeping in a tent
On a bed and not a cot.
Though roughing it this is not,
It wouldn't do for permanent.


CAMEL RIDE

We went riding on some camels,
And past farmers' huts they ambled.
This I can say for sure:
These folks are very poor
And by birth control untrammeled.


CULTURE SHOW

A culture show we watched then.
Performers there were ten
Who afforded us the chance
To enjoy their song and dance,
All local farming men.


CERAMICS DAY

We visited a man by trade a potter
And later some sandstone cutters
And, this being the day for ceramics,
Some folks engaged in making bricks
And their sons and daughters.


FATEPUHR SIKRI

Few rulers have been or are
Quite as great as was Akbar.
I wouldn't call him frugal,
This emperor of the Mughals,
Who left this shining star.


TAJ MAHAL

A beautiful sight to see
Is this ultimate luxury.
It truly is a marvel,
All done in Makrana marble
And perfect symmetry.


AGRA FORT

Lavish it was and large
And home of the man in charge.
And you can be sure
It was very secure.
(No enemy could in there barge.)


INLAID MARBLE

The technique is highly refined.
The workmanship is fine.
If you're smart,
You'll buy this art.
Would you like a floral design?


ON TO KHAJURAHO

We took the fast train to Jahnsi.
And learned of a heroin from Jahnsi
As well as the Bandit Queen.
And saw a water pump like you've never seen,
Ox-driven and no wise fancy.


KHAJURAHO

Here is sculpture exquisite
Of love-making explicit --
Thousands of examples
In thousand-year-old temples.
It's a fun place to visit.

Eighty-four ways to get it on,
Several shown the walls upon.
These folks had the loving knack.
Press the middle of her back
To turn the lady on.

In a method most outstanding
The couple do it standing.
She bends low as this point he's pressing,
While her from behind he's addressing.
Not shown is her stool for standing.

In the position most repeated,
While the man is properly seated,
His lady to him is clinging.
Great pleasure to them it's bringing
Ere the task is completed.


BUDDHISM IN INDIA

In Buddhism's birthplace today
You'll scarcely find Buddhism per se.
Hindus are telling you
Buddha was a visit by Vishnu.
And the philosophies are the same, they say.


ELECTION DAY

Elections were held in India today.
Strict security was in play.
On the streets you couldn't drive.
This was the first phase of five.
Outcome knowledge is a month away.


CEREMONY

Was the ritual to Lord Shiva?
We watched if from the river.
Don't know much about it.
But there's no doubt about it:
It's special to every believer.


HOLY SWIMMERS

We conclude our India surface skimming
By watching holy swimming..
Can you imagine
Swimmers in the Ganges,
All with Karma brimming!


FLYING HOME

A great trip we've had.
To be going home we're glad.
Goodbye to Sikhs and Jains.
Long time spent in planes.
Wanting home food so bad.


FROM JFK AIRPORT

A clue we were without
As to how to get about
On the trains of New York City.
The Schardts on us took pity,
And they helped us out.


Bernie the Bard

GOOD NEWS NETWORK

Through the Websites sifting,
Seeking articles uplifting,
Some of them she will find.
They are the only kind
She'll be to readers gifting.

The Roanoke Times, 21 March 2009:

Network focuses on all the good news that is fit to print

Geri Weis-Corbley, the operator of the Good News Network, spends her days posting reports of positivity.

“... a woman ... trawls the Internet for good news.”

“She operates the Good News Network, a portal for the globe's uplifting headlines ...”

“Weis-Corbley spends her days browsing for reports of positivity and posting them on the site. Her headlines from this week:”

Optimism boosts Florida housing market

Good Samaritans lift car from pinned puppy

Officer buys shoplifted sandwiches for homeless man”

BRAZILIAN GEOGRAPHY

GOEGRAPHY TEXT

This Brazilian geography text
Is much less than one expects.
Ecuador has been dropped,
Uruguay with Paraguay swapped.
Of correctness there is no pretext.


The Roanoke Times, 20 March 2009:

Textbook's incompetence knows no boundaries

“RIO De JANEIRO – Where's Ecuador? Better not ask that question in Brazil.”

“A new Brazilian geography textbook for sixth-grade students doesn't even include the South American country on the map.”

“In fact, the book distributed by the education ministry in Brazil's most populous state botches the location of most of Brazil's neighbors. Paraguay is switched with Uruguay, and a second “new” Paraguay is shown with a coastline at the southern tip of Brazil.”

“Bolivia is fortunate enough to appear on the map, but the book misses its border with Paraguay – the Paraguay that sits where Uruguay should be, that is.”

LUCKY DAY 5K

The morning was rather cool
At James River Day School
When over the course hell bent
A hundred of us went,
Burning many a joule.

ROBBERY

Right after the jewelry store was robbed,
The thieves themselves were robbed.
Next, we're told, ensued a chase.
Arrested, four men charges face.
But police have yet to finish their job.


The Roanoke Times, 20 March 2009:

WISCONSIN

Robbers become victims after jewely store heist

"MILWAUKEE -- Two robbers leaving a Milwaukee jewelry store with cash and gems didn't get far with the loot -- another group of thieves robbed them as the pair left the crime scene."

"Police Lt. Thomas Welch said a fight broke out in the street Wednesday before the groups got in vehicles and a chase ensued."

"Welch said officers pulled ovr both vehicles and arrested four people, including the original two robbers, ages 40 and 31, and two men from the second group, ages 22 and 27. All foure ar from Illinois."

"But he said police didn't recover any cash or jewely and are searching for more suspects."

"No estimate was available of the value of the stolen items."

ALIMONY FOR A COUNTESS

For her ex it will be tough.
53K per week is not enough.
The countess has no income.
She expects enough him from
To pay for all her stuff.

USA Today, 19 March 2009:

Divorcing wife says $43M not enough

"HARTFORD, Conn. -- A Swedish countess who's divorcing an American former CEO says she cannot live on $43 million."

"Marie Douglas-David, 36, a former investment banker, says she has no income and needs her husband, George David, 67, to pay her more than $53,000 a week to cover her expenses."

"David stepped down last year as chief executive at Hartford-based United Technologies. He is still chariman of the board however, and has an estimated net worth of $329 million."

"David and Douglas-David married in 2002, but the marriage was in trouble in 2004, court papers say."

"Amid a series of reconciliations, the couple signed a post-nuptial agreement in October 2005 that would give her $43 when they divorce."

"Douglas-David wants the agreement voided. ... She's asking for about $100 mikllion in cash and stock, plus $130,000 a month in alimony."

"David is asking a judge to uphold the agreement."

"Douglas-David has filed court papers saying she has more than $53,800 in weekly expenses, including maintaining a Park Avenue apartment and three residences in Sweden. Also among her weekly expenses: $700 for limousine service, $4,500 for clothes, $1,000 for hair and skin treatments, $!,500 for restaurants and entertainment, and $8,000 for travel."

BIKE PLAN

Region 2000 planners have a plan
To make cycling safer if they can.
And, just as they've requested,
Ideas have been suggested
To improve their bicycle plan.


The News & Advance, 18 March 2009:

Pedaling safety

"A meeting to plan bicycle routes on Lunchburg-area roads produced boh suggested routes and comments about safety and tolerance Tuesday at the Forest Public Library."

"In a room full of maps showing the roads most popular -- or likely to become po9pular -- among cyclists, Kelly Hitchcock of the Region 2000 planning staff told about 20 people to mark them up with their favorite distinations."

"Hitchcock said the Region 2000 Bicycle Plan needs updating to promote bicycling as safe and effective transportation. The organization's original plan, developed nine years ago, hasn't evolved since VDOT adotped standards in 2004 to guide it in providing bicycle features such as more room on shoulders."

"Many people at the meeting said features such as signs could help make motorsits aware that the increasing numbers of cyclists are legally entitled to be on the road."

"'Id'd like to see 'Share the Road' signs along Lynchburg streets,' Rivers said. 'I see them in Nelson COunty and Charlottesville, but not here.'"

Region 2000 comprises the city of Lynchburg and its neighboring counties of Bedford, Campbell, Appomattox, and Amherst.

A DIGNIFIED FUNERAL

A dignified, respectable funeral
Is a right that should be universal.
This principal was of late applied
To a teen whose right was denied
When she died in a time medieval.

It's likely she was dead
Before she lost her head.
To heaven you could not be delivered
If your head was from your body severed.
(This is dogma that they were fed.)

OLD INK

No matter if it's cold or warm,
In old ink there is no harm.
Although it may be said
To contain a trace of lead,
This is a false alarm.

DIMINUTIVE DINO

On meat it was a diner.
Cousins it had in China.
The discovery, I surmise,
Of this dino chicken-size
Was not exactly minor.

DON'T BE A DUMMY

When driving with your dummy,
Don't, like this guy, be a dummy.
No matter if he's fat or svelte,
Be sure to buckle his seat belt
Securely around his tummy.

GARDENERS

Many folks who are able
Now grow veggies for their table.
Burpee has run out of seeds
To fill these gardeners' needs
For home-grown vegetables.

ROBIN HOOD

What kind of medieval hood
Was the real Robin Hood?
His legend we all know.
But one might wonder, though,
If he did an ounce of good.

HIDDEN CAT

Puzzling was its plaintive song.
And yet it wasn't very strong.
She had bought an old used sofa,
And the cat, a hidden loafer,
With it had come along.

GIFTS FOR GULU

The day was cold and dampus
When we ran the LC campus.
I mean it was a lulu
When we ran Gifts for Gulu.
And yet, it didn't cramp us.

DRUG MONEY

Money found in ditch,
Shared with friends not rich.
Brief elation.
Police confiscation.
Drug money. That's the glitch.

FANTASY OR MEN OF WAR?

Superman or Simon Bolivar?
Fantasy or men of war?
The toys you give
Depend on where you live
As well as who you are.

NIAGRA PLUNGE

Though he tried hard at suicide,
The man hasn't quite yet died.
He was seen jumping into the falls
And rescued below the falls
After a wild, icy Niagara ride.

Wanting to stay with the fishes,
He was rescued against his wishes.
The rescuers were determined,
And his escape they undermined
With their rescue plan ambitious.

BLOOD CONTRACT

Their contract was written in blood,
But that didn't make it good.
It was not a valid contract
Because consideration it lacked,
As the judge so clearly understood.

TARANTULA

That's a huge, hairy lady spider
On the face of Lady Snyder!
Yet Ms. Snyder makes it clear
She sees no need for fear
And is planning to abide her.

So don't touch it with your ruler.
It's just a tarantula --
Just a big arachnid
And one that she has bid
To come in where it's cooler.

NEAR MISS

An asteroid has by us whizzed.
It's a good thing us it missed.
I think it's understood
It wouldn't have been so good
Had we by it been kissed.