ASK

Ask your folks and grandfolks ere they're gone.
Better still, ask before their memory's gone.
Interview, record the facts
About their lifetime acts.
To your grandkids, pass these on.

NORTH KOREA

North Korea, a nuclear power,
Has destroyed its cooling tower
To show that it means business
About quitting the plutonium business.
That's in the good news of the hour.

1776

This thought intrigues me some.
The time to break had come.
One thing we needed then
Was a skillful man with pen.
'Twas a good thing we had Tom.

PRAIRIE GRASSES

About summer grass for cows that moo:
While dormant are orchard grass and fescue,
There is no grass that surpasses
The summer growth of prairie grasses,
And they've got more protein too.

THE OLYMPIANS

Champions we will be shown.
They will achieve renown.
They've risen through the ranks.
Folks there are whom they owe thanks.
They didn't do it all alone.

97TH REGIMENTAL STRING BAND

They worked up a lather
Doing songs of our forefathers
In three-part harmony.
For me and my honey,
'Twas well worth the bother.

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL

How does it feel
Shaquille O'Neal?
Is it hard to face
Your fall from grace,
A role model with a broken wheel?

BRIDGE JUMPING

For thrills it will suffice.
What happened wasn't nice.
Those jumpers must be crazed.
Said Heraclitus (paraphrased):
'You can't jump in the same river twice.'

JOY BRINGER

Another mister's wife
Brings joy to my life.
This sweet reality
Is not infidelity.
It's friendship free of strife.

CONDOM

When I see a condom on my run,
I know what has been done.
When I think about it,
I'm glad they weren't without it,
And I hope that they had fun.

For they would have faced a conundrum
Had they not that condom,
And in the spirit of romance,
They might have taken a chance,
Knowing that was dumb.

THE LAST WORD

I guess you may have heard
A woman wants the final word.
Let it be hers if you can.
Since that's the better plan,
It should be the plan preferred.

CANDIDATE PERRIELLO

If opposing corruption is not enough,
Maybe tithing will show his stuff.
Will this gimmick
Do the trick
In this game so rough?

SOLSTICE

How was your summer solstice?
I hope that it was nice.
As we've kept moving on,
The day has come and gone
With hardly any notice.

CITY TREE BOARD

Elkins will reach its goal
Of keeping trees in control.
Everyone being in accord
With the City Tree Board,
The city's on a roll.

MORNING RUN

Though I am not fast,
I rose before breakfast
Together with the sun
And did my morning run.
Splendid views I passed.

BIRTHDAY

The Mountain State on Saturday
Will celebrate its birthday.
From Virginia it seceded
When Virginia seceded.
On opposing sides were they.

LIQUID COAL

Oil independence is a worthy goal.
What about liquid coal?
If not the total solution,
Coal dust in solution
Can surely play a role.

THE POLAR BEAR

This is about the welfare
Of the polar bear.
"Threatened species" is the word,
But his protection's been deferred.
There might be oil there.

HABEAS CORPUS

Supreme Court judges decide
In split decision almost tied:
Though we worry about security,
It's a constitutional guarantee.
Habeas corpus can't be denied.

JEFF DAVIS STATUE

In Richmond the statuary
May include Jeff Davis by Gary,
Imagine Lincoln and Davis together,
Companions whatever the weather,
Who in life were contrary.

UNREST IN KOREA

By the unrest in Korea I am shocked.
Pandemonium may be unlocked.
Demonstrators pack streets by the mile
To protest their new president's style
Though his election rival he coldcocked.

BAGHDAD NEGOTIATIONS

Talks in Baghdad go sour.
Must we be a colonial power?
In this great drama
I look to Obama.
Will he be the man of the hour?

CHOCOLATE IS A VEGGIE

We all like chocolate much.
Though it isn't classed as such
And you may find this hedgy,
Chocolate really is a veggie,
From beans and cane refined a touch.

Yes, an argument of that ilk
Omits the included milk.
But, being made from grass,
Milk is of the same class
And makes it smooth as silk.

FAREWELL TO FIDO

The economy's bad, we know.
Something will have to go.
Through it Fido's nappin'.
We hoped this wouldn't happen,
But Fido will have to go.

RICE HUSK SOLES

Rice husk soles by Asics,
They're the ones to pick.
When a runner hits the road,
They're sure to grip the road
If the road is slick.

PROF. HOOVER

It takes a magician
To fool a statistician.
Is there duplicity
By the state lottery?
That's his suspicion.

OFF-KEY ANGELS

Pathetic pitch they bring,
Choir members who can't sing.
Their heart's in the right place,
But choir masters must face
This problem interesting.

JOE BURKE

How many nonas do you know
Who to the links thrice weekly go,
There to shoot their age
And awesome contests wage,
Being half as tough as Joe?

HARD LEMONADE

To ease our vigil without shade,
Helen sent us hard lemonade.
It's five percent alcohol,
And across from City Hall
For an hour we stayed.

OLD AGE

As my muscles wither away,
This much I have to say:
As sure as we liveth,
It's our youth that giveth
And our age that taketh away.

In old age your power dwindles
As your legs turn into spindles
And their muscles wither away
Despite the training you give to they
And the passion each race kindles.

Still, to be happy, you can decide.
In trying, you can still take pride.
Even so, Father Time is not your friend,
And you know that, in the end,
He cannot be denied.

SHANK'S MARE

Miles and miles here and there,
These in weather foul and fair.
Don't be mistaken,
That's what it's taken,
Miles and miles on shank's old mare.

AREVA

Let's all give a big "hoorah"
For the expansion at Areva.
What more could be desired
Than five hundred to be hired?
It's a promising maneuvah.

LAND SPEED RECORD-SETTING CARS

Cars set land speed records where salt is flat.
A little garage makes cars like that,
Cars that go five hundred miles per,
Or three hundred if stock you prefer.
Roanoke is where the garage is at.

YOGA

Just to be a sport
I go for moral support.
My wife demands it.
I can't stand it.
It's worse than any sport.

EVAN DAVIS

Our enemies will not enslave us.
Young folks like this will save us,
Young folks able and good
Graduating to adulthood,
Young folks like Evan Davis.

DOCTOR HORTON

What has made David decide
To run the Continental Divide,
Sixty days of running
Instead of lazy sunning?
Do you think it could be pride?

Three thousand miles to him is sportin.'
There's no way he'll be abortin.'
A third record is the aim
Of Lynchburg's ultra-runner of fame.
Good luck to Doctor Horton.

He'll click off a mile every tenth minute,
And the Lord will bless him in it.
He'll be an inspiration to others,
To the sisters and the brothers.
Yes, that's the way he'll spin it.

HIGH-TECH GLASSES

These glasses have a big attraction.
It's their variable index of refraction.
You merely have to trust
The microprocessor to adjust
By sensor-controller action.

PLEXIGLAS LENS IMPLANTS

Here are some World War II facts
About the implants used to fix cataracts:
British fighter pilot guys
Oft had canopy slivers stuck in their eyes.
This was due to German bullet impacts.

The Plexiglas is called PMMA.
With the eye it has no adverse role to play.
The doctors sometimes left the slivers in.
The Plexiglass helped the doctors win,
And it's used for lens implants still today.

BIKE MIRROR

I know you're glad to hear
I've now a useful mirror.
Problem solved by Bobby,
When I'm in my riding hobby,
I'm smiling from ear to ear.

IMPASSE

Near Ebensburg there's an impasse
Over what the people pass.
Their religion can be thanked
That they refuse that it be tanked
Ere they dump it on their grass.